Quite surprised to see this here - didn't realise you were writing again @Taure. That being said, this story is going places. There's a certain elegance to the worldbuilding, a richness of detail that just seems to fit with Rowling's creation. It's definitely still in its infancy, so there's not much plot to comment on, but the foundations for future development are clearly being laid, and I like them. A lot.

I'm going to stick my rating at 5/5, despite it probably being too early to draw any definitive conclusions, if for no other reason than to save me the effort of putting it there in another hundred thousand words time.

Pls no abandonerino

 

This is, I think, the central point here, not that you and this reviewer judge FanFiction different (although perhaps there's that). You as the author and him as the reader are seeing two very different stories, because you see what comes later.

As you said, Victoria needs to be innocent (and seen to be innocent) before she can be corrupted by her power, fail so spectacularly that she is forced to re-assess her life, and then conquer her demons as she conquers Voldemort. If the reviewer were reading the whole story instead of just a snippet of it, he would likely be able to see this.

I will, though, add my voice to something he wrote. He said

This felt true when I read it. A lot was going on with Harry, even at the beginning. He had problems to solve, things to do, people to negotiate with. These don't feel quite as central to the plot of Victoria Potter.

I see three arguments against this point:
1) Victoria and Hermione are just starting to get into it, at just about the point Harry and Draco were,
2) Because this is FanFiction, there is a great joy for most of the readers in exploring this world, and much of your clues as to how this world are different (such as Binns being gone and Flamel here, such as potions being a ritual) are all the excitement most of us need, and
3) Victoria's struggles are there so long as you don't demand -- to paraphrase Ollivander -- bangs and smells storytelling. Her struggles are there but no so bodily as Harry's were. Instead of Harry Hunting and pushing and and threats from Draco, we get a slap and its consequences and dark looks that foretell danger between Susan and Pansy as well as between Hermione and Victoria. The extra subtlety isn't only mandatory (given the sex difference) but it shouldn't be regarded as more minor in the slightest.

TL;DR: I felt as if the reviewer made a great point but then talked myself out of it as I was writing about what good a point he made. In other words, this whole spew of words might be totally useless but I figure, hey, not only have I already written it, but you might want to see how someone else is thinking about the story.

 

The problem with this is that you would be the ten thousandth person to do it. People have already read canon, already know the Dursleys, Diagon Alley, the goblins, and have already read through the shopping trip a thousand times before. I don't think brushing over those things is a crutch for bad writing, it's just getting past the stuff that readers have already read before countless times.

That said, I found it enjoyable anyway.

 

Another new chapter. I am yet again blown away by the worldbuilding and the sheer brilliance in the creation of the magic. The Susan/Victoria friendship has been fun to read. Plus the great dodge of the almost forced Victoria/Hermione friendship was quite good. I was worried for a moment when I saw them not heading to the feast right away (not that I am averse to the friendship itself, its just so common for the MC and Hermione to become friends at that point even when they didn't like each other at all before).

Plot remains pretty thin, but I am really fine with that. Keep the detailed magic coming, and I will continue to read and enjoy every chapter. The Flitwick/Victoria chat in class was what I always wanted in my HP fiction yet never really received before now. There was a possibility of Victoria having some divination abilities in this chapter. I do wonder if that will be a throw-a-way line for the readers or if Taure will expand on it later? I would like to see Divination be an actual subject instead of crap it was in canon.

Honestly, all the little things make this story such an exciting read for me. From the castle itself, to the magic, to the students actually acting like kids, to the in-depth look at quidditch. Everything ties together to build a whole. Its probably not the read for people who want non-stop action, but I would definitely recommend this story for people wanting an in-depth view of a Wizarding World.

5/5

 

I really like this, but isn't it too early to be in the Library? I feel it's still in the introductory phase, as in the plot as even began to move.

 

What are the pairings for Victoria? I don't want to invest my time on it and end up seeing her with a guy I don't like?

 

I do not believe in "pairings".

 

If it stays loyal to the original: Draco Malfoy for a while.

 

Yeah I don't this fic is for me.

 

Agreed.

FYI, the Alexandra/Draco relationship in the original:

1. As is often the case with teen relationships, was not based on personal attraction but rather social status. Alexandra accepted Draco's invite to Hogsmeade purely to spite Hermione.

2. Crashed and burned spectacularly, resulting in the two of them becoming rather bitter about each other.

However, I recognise that this is a level of complexity which may be above those who select fics based on "pairing".

 

Dude, you are being really pretentious and conceited. I just wanted to tell you that.

 

Way to miss the sarcasm. I'll spell it out for you: the idea that couples break up and therefore that it would be stupid to define stories by transitory relationships is not in fact complex. It is extremely basic. I was implying that Mickey is retarded for not being able to even manage that level of reading ability.

 

@Taure - this might be obvious, but will chapter 12 mark the end of first year, or third year? You mentioned things going at a faster pace somewhere in an author's note, and I was just wondering.

 

I should say that it may not necessarily be chapter 12 - plans rarely survive contact with the enemy, etc. But the reference is indeed to end of first year.

 

My bad if it was meant as sarcasm. Doesn't really translate well without tone. Yet, you could have said, "The story is not being written with a single pairing in mind, and I'll not spoil the relationships that happen along the way." Without sounding as I said you did.

 

Taure you wrote a Fem!Harry in a relationship with a racist pureblood fanatic and a bully. That's basically another Dramoine which is a retarded pairing. Maybe you should question your own intelligence here.

 

Having seen the follow-up post above, I think it should be clear that Mickey is not capable of comprehending this concept.

 

Honestly I wish more people wrote relationships based on actual real world stuff than write purely for pairings, Taure. It would make reading fics a lot more interesting if I didn't know from the very beginning that two people were 'destined' to be together because of pairings.

 

Personally I wish authors stopped being lazy and included the pairing of every single character in the series, even the ones not making an appearance in the story, in the summary to prevent me from being triggered.