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WIP Victoria Potter by Taure - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by LinguaManiac, Nov 29, 2017.

  1. MonkeyEpoxy

    MonkeyEpoxy Prisoner DLP Supporter

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    The Restricted Section being a library equivalent of an (expected) Indiana Jones raid is goddamn masterful. "Did he blow his whistle? Then he's fine!" indeed!
     
  2. Nazgus

    Nazgus Supreme Mugwump DLP Supporter DLP Gold Supporter

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    I continue to be delighted by the world building. Don't think I've ever seen anyone treat the restricted section as anything other than a regular library with dangerous magic. It's just one example, but the world here is just more magical than JKR's, and it's a joy to explore it with Victoria.
     
  3. Utsane

    Utsane Banned

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    I was up to date on Taure's last fem-Harry venture, and I have to say, I like this one significantly more. It's more composed, surer of what it wants to do, and it doesn't hurt that the protagonist is no longer too whiny to relate to.

    I really enjoy the progression of plot here. It's able to keep my attention, and still manages to make me go, "Oh yeah! That did happen!" when the plot demands it. Every dialogue and characterization seems earned, and despite the massive amounts of development to characters barely mentioned in the books, nobody seems massively out of character.

    Mostly, though, what I love about this story is the magic. Taure easily explains (without unearned exposition) the mechanics of magic in this universe. They are consistent (as much as laws governing magic can be) and iron out the fabric that Rowling wove for us. It is genuinely fun to bask in the magic of the wizarding world alongside the plucky, relate-able and earnest Victoria Potter.

    The only issue I have with this fic so far is the lack of action. I understand that Victoria is a Slytherin, and that makes her infinitely less likely to throw herself into dangerous situations like Harry did, but a large part of what makes Harry Potter's universe so much fun is the fast-paced thrill ride he seems to chained to. Victoria Potter is not slow in pacing, but lacks some of the adrenaline that makes this universe so much god-damned fun.

    5/5 from me.
     
  4. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    Told him this while betaing. Soooooo jelly. Wish I had come up with it. Now all I can be is a copycat. Goddamn :(
     
  5. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Victoria Potter has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 18
    Words: 112,888
    Updated: 2019-06-13 21:13:00 UTC
    Published: 2017-11-04 19:13:13 UTC
    Previously updated: about 1 month ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  6. Laxus

    Laxus Squib

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    Happy for yet another solid update to this engaging story. It's lovely to follow along as Victoria steadily improves in magical ability, knowledge, and awareness.

    I'm itching to see how various plot threads and characterisations end up playing out. These are a few I have my eye on:

    • Victoria's vanity / preoccupation with her own appearance. It's been highlighted quite frequently... and I wonder what her classmates would think of her being a Metamorphmagus,
    • Potentially more friction between Pansy & Daphne owing to the differences in their personalities,
    • Hermione also being part of the duelling cohort -- and in general, how her character continues to develop with Victoria as a (more) talented rival, not to mention the absence of a close friend group in Ron + canon!Harry,
    • Victoria's relationship with the Malfoys. This seems especially likely to lead to drama, perhaps further jealousy from Pansy and Susan in the near term, and later on conflicting loyalties if Voldemort and the Prophecy are still a thing.
    ---
    There was one thing in this chapter I found jarring. The Slytherin prefect mentions that
    It doesn't seem Victoria's transgression was severe enough to justify an "unprecedented" point deduction by McGonagall. At most, Victoria was wandering the halls after curfew, and lied when questioned. But she hadn't actually hurt anyone nor damaged school property, and McGonagall even implies that Victoria gets some leniency due to the context (helping Justin, and maybe lying to cover for friends).

    It's difficult to believe that no other Hogwarts students have received larger point deductions in at least 6 years. The Weasley twins alone surely get up to more mischief on a regular basis. The implication would then be that more serious transgressions (bullying / theft / destruction-of-property / cheating) result in detention/expulsion while bypassing the house point system entirely?

    Even the prefects' outrage over the loss of 50 points seems a bit incongruous given what we've seen of house point scoring so far. Teachers regularly give out 5 or 10 points for minor academic achievements. Taking into account the number of students and class sessions, I didn't expect 50 points to be that noticeable. (Though losing 50 for being out after curfew does seem on par with receiving 5-10 points for good work in class. It's just the reactions that seem off.) In any case, if prefects are so upset over losing 50 house points, you'd think they'd have given commensurate attention to Victoria before that for presumably earning many times that number throughout her first year.

    This may be pedantic, but to me the scene stands out compared with how cohesive and natural the rest of the story has been.
     
  7. Shodan

    Shodan First Year

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    While I felt like this chapter was a bit on the slower side, it was still very enjoyable. I do, however, agree about the punishment: While the amount of points gained and lost in canon doesn't follow a clear line (they get 50/ 60 points for the Philosophers Stone, Ron looses 50 points for throwing a Crocodile Heart at Malfoy, and they also loose 50 points for smuggling the dragon), it seems like you want to make Victoria suffer a extremely harsh punishment. But there doesn't really seem to be a reason for McGonagall punish her like this: Yes, she was running around after curfew, yes, she didn't tell the truth about why she did that, but at the same time McGonagall says that she didn't believe Victoria had anything to do with the attack, meaning that Victoria saved a life by breaking the rules. I'd say that the good by far outweighs the bad, and while it's in character for her to punish Victoria regardless (like Malfoy in year one), this does seem a tad too strict.

    But well, that's just nitpicking. The fact that we're thinking about and discussing the reasoning and characterizations on this level shows that this story is on a level very few fanfictions reach.

    Also, I'm curious about what's going on with the poisoning and the Chamber of Secrets. We know that Ginny Weasley is still possessed by Tom (at least if the redhead in the Restricted Section is actually her, which seems obvious), but there's something else happening. I suspect Hestia Carrow is involved- but her offering Victoria the poisoned pumpkin juice doesn't seem natural after they haven't really interacted with each other. Maybe Ginny put her under the Imperius?

    Anyway, I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
     
  8. Nevermind

    Nevermind Auror

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    All in all, I very much enjoyed this update.

    My issue with the prefects’ reaction to the penalty is that in the context of canon precedence, 50 points seems entirely appropriate on McGonagall’s part; however, for me it doesn’t really track with lecturers – whether arbitrarily or through some sort of unofficial key – handing out a good number of house points on a regular basis. As such, my impression is that a student such as Victoria ought to be able to get those 50 points back through dedicated work with relative ease. 100+ points would have warranted the harsh reaction from the prefects, for 50 it does indeed feel a bit off.

    (Continuing that line of thought, we would also have to take a good long look at overall points totals in canon, which, depending on the model one applies, seems either just on the low end of plausible or far too low. But that is perhaps best left for another thread.)
     
  9. Wyatt Jones

    Wyatt Jones First Year

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    "Well, won't Justin be able to tell us, once he wakes up?" Victoria said, "surely he saw whoever attached him?"

    Madam Promfrey clucked her tongue.


    Great chapter! Above are a couple errors I spotted.
     
  10. StudentPanaKleksa

    StudentPanaKleksa First Year

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    The new chapter was so good, that it's in the realm of possibility that I will still remember it when Taure will post the next chapter.
     
  11. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

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    Victoria Potter has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 19
    Words: 126,015
    Updated: 2019-07-15 20:26:56 UTC
    Published: 2017-11-04 19:13:13 UTC
    Previously updated: about 1 month ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  12. Dresden11

    Dresden11 Third Year

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    Got to say, the Draught of Sparta and all that goes into it is amazingly well done. I loved every moment of Victoria's search for the rain. She really learned her lesson about powerful objects from Snape in the first year. I can't wait to see what the other 3 Essential Potions are like. A permanent endurance potion makes so much sense in the Potter World as well. Great stuff!

    I also loved the first real look into Dumbledore for this fic. He is just trying to help Victoria after all.
     
  13. Wyatt Jones

    Wyatt Jones First Year

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    You see, soon after the Statute of Secrecy was passed, separation from Muggles came to be regarded as a point of wizarding pride, a concept which has only increased in popularity since Grindelald's defeat.

    Error I noticed.

    "Pansy's just thinking about blood," Victoria said, "but Daphne's right, isn't she? If the Potters were one of the families who made the pact, then we're older the idea of purity."

    Confused on this line. Shouldn't there be a dash or comma of some sort between "older" and "the"?
     
  14. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    I have held off reviewing this so far as up to now I enjoyed the old Alexandra Potter far more than this one.

    I'm not sure how to describe it... I remember seeing a interview with Kevin Smith the director where he said he was asked to write a script for a movie, was paid a nice advance, wrote a script he was proud of that worked with the pre established universe (I want to say Superman), had original elements but tied into the greater meta. When he submitted it he got it back with a bunch of editing, taking bits out and adding in stupid Hollywood crap that made it more "accessible" but not something that he thought was good.

    This reminds me of that, I saw the huge debates your original spawned, and I can see you took a lot of it on board, but over all it feels like you missed what made the story interesting. This scores a little higher on plot balance, but much much lower on world building and... yeah, that spark that made the last one so compelling.

    This really seems the first chapter where that spark was fully back.

    I see this as you taking all your work on world building and magical lore and building a story around it, so I never really expect it to be an 10/10 story, but at least it has that amazing element to it. Now that element is so diminished the slightly improved story flow hardly makes up for it.

    This is much closer to a workable balance, the great world building and magical lore, but with a suitably advancing plot.
     
  15. DooomCookie

    DooomCookie First Year

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    I have to disagree with you there. I remember reading Alexandria Potter and being impressed, but now reading Victoria Potter, I'm blown away by the improvements. VP took a step up to become that elusive fanfiction that can truly rival the original books in quality.

    The side characters in AP felt like cardboard. They weren't written badly, but we just didn't get enough time to know them. Honestly, we didn't even get to know Alex herself that well, so much time was given to the world-building (and the early stations of canon). I don't want to be too critical of AP since I think it was still a really strong story, but VP took this weakness and turned it into a strength.

    There are other improvements as well. The pacing is smoother and less rushed, the plot beats are more varied, the world-building is more expansive. Even the jokes are better.

    And regarding the world-building, I honestly don't think it's been compromised at all. If anything, it's even better since topics other than history and magic are covered. It's all still there, just sprinkled in, not dumped on us.
     
  16. Cirvante

    Cirvante Squib

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    This is my favourite HP fanfic right now. Excellent worldbuilding and characterization. I especially like what you did with the subject of potions, which is often just treated as magical cooking class. Potions with permanent effects that need to be brewed by the one taking them is a brilliant idea and really helps to make the subject feel more significant.

    You've also managed to dodge all those edgy SlytherinHarry clichés that tend to make me drop a story in disgust. Victoria is refreshingly childish and girly at times, and although very talented also has her own flaws. Her struggles with dueling were also amusing and when I thought you had her finally figure it out and immediately become good at it, you sent her right back to eating dirt by upping the difficulty. That was masterfully done.
     
  17. headbanger

    headbanger Seventh Year

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    I love the subtle ways to explain away inconsistencies with canon, instead of inserting tired fanon tropes to bash them. The one example I can remember is the Kings Cross departure board and the extra magical platforms, which works nicely around the lame old "Weasley's are there to set up Harry Potter by shouting out dog-whistles because Dumbledore is evil" crap, and what's even better is that the story is not even close to rehashing canon events, so the reader is left to marvel at those bits of world-building, if they even notice. The magic is rich and I loved alchemy as a sort of parallel to physics, i.e. natural magics and natural sciences. I have high hopes for the future of this fic, so hope Taure's passion for continuing it stays strong.
    An easy 5/5 from me.
     
    Last edited: Sep 7, 2019
  18. OkraMaster

    OkraMaster Second Year

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    Made me think there's a new chapter out :(
     
  19. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    The good news is that the next chapter is currently sitting at 8,400 words.

    The bad news is that I still have 2 scenes to write.

    Edit: in the end I got to 10,800 words and I still had 2 scenes left to write, so the chapter has ended up being split in two.
     
    Last edited: Sep 9, 2019
  20. LinguaManiac

    LinguaManiac Fourth Year

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    Honestly? Both of those sound like good news.
     
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