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WIP Victoria Potter by Taure - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by LinguaManiac, Nov 29, 2017.

  1. WierdFoodStuff

    WierdFoodStuff DA Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2018
    Messages:
    169
    Thoughts:
    The story is very good, the writing is great and the character have a distinct voice and personality so seeing their interactions is a delight.
    Some of the best magical theory after "What You Leave Behind" by Newcomb
    I could go on but I believe it has all been said before.


    That being said I have some misgivings with the story ranging from nitpicks to actual problems:

    Wizard Wank:
    A nitpick but at times it feels like the author went out of his way to highlight just how much better the wizards are better than the muggles, the wizard play/theater (horrible execution imo) and the farming potion come to mind (the name escapes me at the moment).
    It's jarring af.

    Tension :

    At the moment there isn't anything gripping happening, Victoria forays into different fields of magic are interesting but there is no evil looming, this is specially apparent in year one where she is basically just running around learning stuff and solving Snape's scavenger hunt (which I loved btw).
    The diary business is an improvement and I'm following to see how it plays out.

    Mary-Sue:
    Taure keeps alluding to how overwhelmed Victoria is by her various projects but we never see any fallout
    She always have time for social niceties with her friends, none of her projects go badly because she was too focused on a project more than the other.
    IMO A scene where her friends are playing a game and Victoria has to stay behind to study would be a nice way to show her her lack of free time//sense in taking on more than she can handle.

    Naked 12 year old kids:
    I write this one in jest, yes I realize it makes sense in the story.
    But still...

    Predictable I know, couldn't find Hansen's take a seat video


    Overall though it's a great story, a light 4.
     
    Last edited: Apr 26, 2020
  2. Quiddity

    Quiddity Headmaster

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    Location:
    New Zealand
    It's a play, not cinema.
     
  3. WierdFoodStuff

    WierdFoodStuff DA Member

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    169
    My bad, I read the story as the chapters came out so some parts are a little hazy.
     
  4. haphnepls

    haphnepls Third Year

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    Croatia
    Everything has already been said about this story so I'll just add what I liked the best, and that is the fact that this story can almost stand as a original story

    If someone who never read anything related to HP universe comes across this, he'll have no problems understaning and enjoying it.

    It's something I wanted to say because many stories today just assume your perfect knowledge of cannon universe, and don't bother with the descriptions of something that is widely known between the readers.

    It's basically a skeleton of the story, the world-building and explanation of magical theory, and no matter how mant times it has been written, I'll always enjoy a new description of a specific potion or dangers of transfiguration.

    Good job, sir.
     
  5. Ched

    Ched Da Trek Moderator DLP Supporter

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    The South
    I read the first (estimated) 12-13 chapters of this back in the day but apparently I never reviewed.

    I've recently given Taure more feedback, but in summary...

    The first 8 chapters are carried almost entirely by Taure's phenomenal world-building, and it rounds out to a 4/5 that wasn't really a page-turner for me.

    Chapters 9-13 or so ramped up to a 4.5/5 as first year wound down and we got ready for summer. Some first year plotlines also sorted themselves out around this time.

    But chapter 14 onwards? Definitely 5/5 material, and I don't see it slowing down or stopping anytime soon. The magic is incredible, the characters (Malfoys and Boneses in particular) as great, and the plot is trucking right along. Worldbuilding as always remains top notch and makes the Wizarding World seem like a magical place that it'd be crazy to leave for the Muggle one.

    My only personal dislike is the focus on being 'girly' that Victoria and all her female peers seem to share, but I readily admit my bias in that area.

    Great job Taure.
     
  6. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    Victoria Potter has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 23
    Words: 162,756
    Updated: 2020-05-31 20:10:43 UTC
    Published: 2017-11-04 19:13:13 UTC
    Previously updated: 4 months ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  7. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    Victoria Potter has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 24
    Words: 173,408
    Updated: 2020-06-02 08:06:36 UTC
    Published: 2017-11-04 19:13:13 UTC
    Previously updated: 1 day ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  8. MuggsieToll

    MuggsieToll First Year

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    2 updates in a 3 days span? Well isn't this a pleasant surprise on a rainy morning.
     
  9. thepuzzlingcentaur

    thepuzzlingcentaur First Year DLP Supporter

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    I have been silently lurking around this forum for some time, but I have created an account just to review Victoria Potter. It has that honour.
    I have read HP fanficiton for a little over a year which is nothing compared to senior members here, so maybe I am not the most qualified to say this, but so far, this is the most well-written fanfiction I have ever read.

    Highlights:
    1) Amazing, mysterious magical world. that will engage even the most "seasoned" HP fans. Great worldbuilding
    2) Canon-friendly Dumbledore. Scheming, manipulative man who makes some highly questionable decisions for the greater good, but good man to the core (regardless). You will enjoy reading about his manipulations and always wonder "what will Dumbledore do next?".
    3) Biased, scumbag Snape who respects power, creativity and discipline.
    4) Slytherins. That includes more interesting and realistic Draco (who is more than an idiotic bully),, along with original characterisation of characters that we mostly knew by name only in canon. Some of them become Victoria's friends.
    5) Children act like actual children. They can act mature for their age, but 12 years old kids act like 12 years old kids. So much in fact that nostalgia overwhelmed me at times. That hasn't happened before as the writers normally fail to depict children properly.
    6) The entire Slytherin House. But I won't spoil anything.
    7) The Malfoys. The pureblooded societies.
    8) Political games revolving around The Girl Who Lived. And since Victoria is in Slytherin, you can guess that she is going to be more vulnerable to blood purist influence.
    9. VICTORIA POTTER, the best of all! Actual unique character from another universe, not just another Harry with tits. A young girl living in the 90ies, hanging around young girls obsessed with their appearances created a truly feminine young Potter. Victoria can be so girly at times it becomes adorable. It made me wonder yet again why so many 21st century writers (including screenwriters and book authors) think that powerful female characters should not be allowed to act feminine.
    10) True alternate universe with butterfly effect. Victoria's choices are creating a completely different story and some events will play out differently.

    The story was so immersive that I had dreams about it, something that hasn't happened with fanficiton before, only with immersive books.
    And if had a way to donate, I would buy Taure a drink.

    5/5
     
  10. Xion

    Xion Robot Overlord Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2006
    Messages:
    1,138
    Victoria Potter has been updated with a new chapter.

    Story Stats
    Chapters: 25
    Words: 188,035
    Updated: 2020-08-15 19:43:02 UTC
    Published: 2017-11-04 19:13:13 UTC
    Previously updated: 2 months ago

    Brought to you by Scryer story thread updates.
     
  11. PWIZDUO

    PWIZDUO Third Year

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2011
    Messages:
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    Boooo a cliff hanger.

    He better be quick with the next chapter or I will be sending him bad vibes.
     
  12. PWIZDUO

    PWIZDUO Third Year

    Joined:
    Dec 21, 2011
    Messages:
    105
    Another update. You’re welcome, all. :p
     
  13. DooomCookie

    DooomCookie First Year

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2015
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    27
    Well. What a climax to second year. Honestly wasn't expecting such an intense finish, after the first year plot was sort of swept under the rug. But I like the change nonetheless -- all the pieces fit together superbly well. Plotting worthy of Rowling (perhaps even better, because Victoria clearly earned her victory here).
     
  14. thepuzzlingcentaur

    thepuzzlingcentaur First Year DLP Supporter

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    Two chapters in 24 hours? I must have overslept and it's Christmas.
     
  15. Sataniel

    Sataniel High Inquisitor

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    0
    I must say that nobody writes casual racism quite like Taure.
     
  16. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Well, you know what they say.

    Write what you know.
     
  17. Arshunk

    Arshunk First Year

    Joined:
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    Female
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    Spain
    Just saw the update, diving into it rn

    Uhhm... I don't know if you do this too or not but it helps me to be immersed even more
    I picture V just like young Jennifer Connelly:cool:
    ooh boy
     
  18. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    It reminds me of that Blot story that had an extended set of scenes on some weird sports variant that felt very specific. It also reminds me of how people love to overly sexualize fictional characters that are underage -- ff.net and ao3 are filled with very explicit descriptions of teenagers.
     
  19. LinguaManiac

    LinguaManiac Seventh Year

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    In fairness, most of that is teenagers sexualizing teenagers. That was my bread and butter... fifteen years ago, but boy howdy do many of those stories make me quite uncomfortable now.
     
  20. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    That staff is understandable, even if people who aren't teenagers shouldn't really be getting off on reading them -- I think Taure handles that pretty well in this story, which is the point of the thread.
     
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