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Complete Vitam Paramus by TheEndless7 - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Cas, Dec 24, 2013.

  1. Cas

    Cas Slug Club Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    England
    Title: Vitam Paramus
    Author: TheEndless7
    Rating: T
    Genre: Romance/Hurt/Comfort
    Library Category: General/Romance
    Pairings: Harry/Gabrielle
    Chapters: 25
    Words: 215,505
    Updated: January 1, 2017
    Published: Jul 1, 2013
    Status: Complete

    Summary: After tragic losses, Quidditch star Harry Potter is forced to pick up the pieces of those who have vanished; while he finds himself also taking care of another lost soul.

    Link: Fanfiction.net

    Another story by TheEndless7. More of a guilty pleasure fic for me, but I'm enjoying it enough to put it up for review.

    4/5 for me so far.


    Checked by Minion, January 1, 2017
    The story is now complete. Thanks to Jarizok for the info.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 1, 2017
  2. Fatality

    Fatality Order Member

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    I've thought about putting this up in Almost Recommended (or maybe that's where I found it? I can't remember) - I think 4/5 is a pretty fair rating, but then again I generally like TheEndless7's fics more than most. The Hurt/Comfort tag made me pretty hesitant initially (I usually filter that genre out entirely to be honest) and there is a fair bit of angst but largely it's okay. Warning, slight spoilers ahead.

    Harry is pretty OOC but I can accept that because he's older and his life has gone different directions from canon Harry. Still, his reaction to an event involving most of the Weasley's at the beginning of the story has been pretty weird.

    The Gabrielle romance is somewhat off putting. She only just turned 17 in this fic (she's 16 for at least half of it) and Harry is in his early to mid twenties (I forgot how old exactly). That's a somewhat uncomfortable age gap, but not insurmountable. What's worse is that Gabrielle is in an extremely vulnerable position at the time and seems to have her fair share of mental issues. Harry also regularly refers to her as his ward which is pretty creepy considering the pairing and the fact that he's largely acting as a parental or older brother role most of the time.

    To be fair there hasn't really been much romance yet, so TheEndless7 could still pull it off in a non creepy way but I think it would be pretty hard to do at this point. Even if it is creepy that doesn't necessarily make it bad - the author seems pretty aware that any relationship between Harry and Gabrielle is somewhat inappropriate and I think that will be acknowledged.

    The quidditch is pretty interesting but could probably use a bit more attention. I love a good quidditch fic so I'm looking forward to seeing how the World Cup storyline pans out but most of the focus is on the player/press/coach/etc. interaction and less on actual quidditch playing. That can be interesting too but I'm hoping to see more actual matches once the cup starts.

    4/5, could go drastically either way once Harry and Gabrielle start to get involved.
     
  3. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

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    I agree with Fatality. The fic is solid all around but I don't really understand the Harry/Gabrielle relationship. In one chapter he acts as sort of a pseudo big-brother; encouraging her to audition for various ballets, helping her get her apparation license, etc. But in the next he's fantasizing about her.

    For me, the Quidditch is the best part of this fic and I wish the author would give it a little more attention. Not only is Harry helping to turn a struggling franchise around but he's on the English National Team and Draco Malfoy is trying to subtly sabotage him. To me that's more interesting than the Harry/Gabrielle dynamic ATM.
     
  4. lmao234

    lmao234 Squib

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    Isn't that the one with Harry being sold to a bad team? I've read some of Endless' stories and most of them have a bland Harry, for example in the Letters one.
    I read this a long time ago, but unfortunately it didn't hold my interest. I don't really see the Gabrielle/Harry romance, there's almost nothing there, apart from Gabrielle acting all childish with her friend who has a crush on him and some other rare parts.
    I would say 3.5/5 rounding to 3 because it was plain and didn't hold my interest.
     
  5. Tommy

    Tommy The Green Ranger

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    Location:
    In a bomb shelter, South Africa.
    Uh.

    The fic starts off with a Quidditch game - fair enough. But then it shoots into a long-ass description of who did what and... I just lost the thread. Like, is that shit even relevant? I'll give it the benefit of the doubt because Endless is pretty average inclining towards good.

    I wish he'd update his Harry/Fleur fic, though, that fuck.
     
  6. Anarchy

    Anarchy Half-Blood Prince DLP Supporter

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    This guy is growing to be esama 2.0, just churning out nothing but bland and average fics for the rest of his life, without any improvement.
     
  7. Stormey

    Stormey Groundskeeper

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    2/5.
    There is no conflict in this fic. Not much magic either.
    I mean, replace quidditch with soccer, portkey accident with car/bus/train accident.
    And you can have the whole fiction about non magical people.

    The author will drone on and on about the pointless stuff, describing every conversation in detail regardless of how relevant it is.
     
  8. kmfrank

    kmfrank Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    I agree, this isn't the kind of Romance story that I feel belongs in the library. This is more the hurt/comfort category.

    And I have never felt that belongs in the library. 2/5 for me.
     
  9. Lord Ravenclaw

    Lord Ravenclaw DLP Overlord Admin DLP Supporter

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    The premise was a pretty good start. Plot device as it was, the removal of several main characters seemed to be a decent way to push them together, but is never followed through to completion. Everyone just seems to...move on.

    The quality of the writing is decent enough, but the story is going nowhere. 18 chapters of meaningless detail & fluff, Quidditch, and potential eating disorders. Meanwhile, Gabrielle lives with 3 Quidditch stars one of which seemed important but only appears for brief scenes.

    This is Harry/Gabrielle only in that they both appear in the story and Harry likes to sneak looks at underage, underfed, underweight girls while simultaneously maintaining a tenuous relationship with his agent.

    Have to agree though, there's almost no magic to this story. Harry seems competent enough, but all he thinks about is food, drinks, Quidditch, and Gabrielle's daily minutiae.

    I'll give this a 3/5. I kept reading it.
     
  10. Nefar

    Nefar Seventh Year

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    On the one hand, its impossible to forget what happens in this story. On the other, that's because there's nothing to forget. 2/5 for readable grammar.
     
  11. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran No. 4 Admin

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    I feel the author has trouble with writing believable emotional responses. That is why the characters feel bland, even in previous stories - they just kind of exist and not much else. I understand not trying to blow things out of proportion and having unrealistic movie-style outbursts or whatever, but those are probably preferable to the robots we get here.

    I also thought Harry and that OC - can't remember his name, but he appears in the other stories as well; author should just create a new character instead of reusing him, but each to his own - were rather unprofessional for such seasoned players. They are talking about unifying the team out one side of their mouths, and then saying they can't be bothered hanging out with them out the other side. Basically, Harry comes off as a prat.

    The original idea was pretty good, though. It felt like something that could happen in the Harry Potter universe. Such a mundane thing going terribly wrong. It was a nice way to get them to meet and bond, but like Raven said, it wasn't really followed through with. The writing itself is solid.

    It's something I'd read when I have nothing else to occupy my time.
     
  12. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

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    Seems to be Endless7's problem. He always has good enough ideas (pen pals, this, all his other stories) but he just can't execute.
     
  13. Richard

    Richard Supreme Mugwump

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    Have to agree with you. Story became boring pretty fast, I dropped it after only a couple chapters into it.
     
  14. ibskib

    ibskib Second Year

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    Like Pureblood Princess by the same author, it's a bland meandering tale with a lot of unnecessary minutia, and dialogue that often feels a bit stilted.
    For some reason Harry and others keep laughing at stuff that isn't even remotely amusing, almost like a nervous tick.
    That aside the author puts some thought into the whole Quidditch thing, for those that like that kind of stuff. It is interesting to see a Harry that's a lot more comfortable with his fame, and knows how to manage it.
    All in all it's definitely into guilty pleasure territory.
    This fic also has the dubious distinction of being the first one where I actually wanted a bit more Hurt/Comfort, just so it wouldn't seem like the main characters doubled up on their meds.
     
  15. Taure

    Taure Magical Core Enthusiast ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    I quite enjoyed the earlier chapters of the fic, and found myself continuing to the next chapter even though I was hungry and should have been eating lunch.

    Stilted dialogue aside, the writing is of a pretty high standard for fanfic.

    The plot is very simple: a tragic event brings two people together into an unconventional and morally dubious romance, which they resist at first but slowly give in to. The Quidditch is a backdrop and little more. Gabrielle's eating disorder is unnecessary bloat and melodrama, and only serves to take the romance from "morally dubious" to "clearly abusive".

    Now, all of that should be an 80,000 word novel. This story is turning into a rambling epic. It just gets boring. The pace is far too slow and there's so much that could be cut. At chapter 9 I just gave up because I was just reading about these people living their normal lives which aren't particularly interesting. At the very least the author could have fleshed out Harry's dalliances with Daphne and Eva to keep things lively and interesting while his relationship with Gabrielle developed.

    But then I fear what would happen is that it would be clear how much Gabrielle was an insecure child compared to the confident and fun Daphne and Eva.

    3/5
     
  16. Russano

    Russano Disappeared

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    Similar thing happened with Letters, where Daphne ended up being way better and more suitable than Fleur, even to the point of having a separate ending with her.

    I like this fic. One of the few authors who manages to make Quidditch somewhat interesting. Pace is too slow, and way too much filler though. 3/5
     
  17. JohnThePyro

    JohnThePyro Headmaster

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    I've always been a fan of romance, and slow build up has never bothered me really, so I'm fairly biased. I found the characterization to be mostly good (besides for the incident that happens early, I found Harry's reaction to be unusual), and the plot to be light but enjoyable.

    4/5. It's not brilliant or groundbreaking, but it's definitely still got my checking for updates.
     
  18. Sauce Bauss

    Sauce Bauss First Year ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Is this a sequel to Letters? It almost looked like it, from what I remember. Admittedly, I dropped that fairly early on but I looked at the last chapter of it and it looked similar.
     
  19. Jarizok

    Jarizok Auror

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    This fic was completed with an epilogue today for the new year. I really enjoyed it. It could be a one-shot romance except that I was more invested in the characters because of all that came before.

    It ties up all the loose ends in a pretty bow and it kind of feels like cheating to just skip to the end and get the complete relationship out there in a single chapter, but the introduction to the chapter was intruiging.

    I recommend everyone that read the fic to go read the epilogue, but the fic as a whole is probably not for everyone.

    Still enjoyed it personally. 3.5/5 rounded up.
     
  20. Thaumologist

    Thaumologist Second Year ~ Prestige ~

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    First read this quite a while back, and remembered really enjoying it, even if the ending didn't really feel like one.

    I re-read it for the epilogue, and I have to agree with a lot of the reviews above. The relationship that grows feels a bit dodgy, but at the same time that does make it seem more realistic - it paints the characters as people, rather than as plot devices. Harry knows his attraction isn't something he should really be moving on, but still waffles around it for a while.

    The Quidditch expansion is interesting, and I still enjoyed seeing all the behind the scenes stuff, even if it didn't really feel magical. To be honest, a lot of the story didn't feel magical. There's certainly a lot of different locations visited in a short period of time, but I don't really think it's important for the plot. The upstairs swimming pool, again, can only really be magic, but could very easily be in the basement instead.

    I was annoyed by the lack of line breaks for scene changes, or for separating author's notes. It wasn't a major issue, but at the same time it's a low effort thing to fix. Also, the author has a habit of having the character realise something, but not reveal it to the reader - the identity of the reporter, for one - but doesn't seem very good at doing this, as it just seems clunky.

    Also, there were plot points that basically just got dropped. For a plot driven story, that would have been intensely annoying, but as this was more just looking into the characters' lives for a while, it's less so, and once again makes it more realistic.

    It's a decent story, but it isn't anything great. Also, the lack of magic doesn't do it any favours. 3.5/5, rounded down to 3/5, but still with a recommendation to try.
     
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