I'm sticking with Harley for Girl Harry.

I didn't want to go with Potter since that doesn't really distinguish him. I do like Henry, though. I'll go with that one.

For WBWL, remember that he's also the main villain. He summoned all of them in the first place to assist him in his plan to wreck vengeance on Magical Britain. He is also brilliant and a good at manipulating people.

Since Hephaestus is apparently too arrogant and cartoonish, any suggestions?

For Azkaban Harry, are you talking about the character from the 60s TV show? Because I like it. Six it is.

Thank you for the advice and suggestions. I assure you I will be sure to establish the Plot and Characters way before I put this up.

 

John.

His brother Harry is the Boy Who Lived, right? It's terrible that he died in that 'freak accident'. Summoning a replacement from another timeline must've seemed like the best plan.

 

I should probably elaborate on what happened.

He was ignored his whole life, with no one but a house elf and books to keep him company. At Hogwarts, no one cares he got good grades, while Dumbledore let the Twin get away with shit.

He plots revenge on the Wizarding World. He plans to get help from different Alternate versions of himself, thanks to a ritual he found. This is both a pragmatic decision and an arrogant move on his part, since while they are all supposed to be formidable, he is kind of doing it to satisfy his ego that he did great things in other Universes.

 

I read this entire thread, and I've got to say there is some very glaring mistakes you've completely ignored.

First, on the Crazy! Harry. You want him to be called 'Boy', is that right? Because he never went to Hogwarts? So what? He would have went to Primary School for sure. You completely forget that the Dursley's live in England. And in Britain, any child under the age of 16 is eligible for Benefits from the Government. And so, his guardians would be receiving money to look after him. Vernon as greedy as he is, would never pass up a chance at a good extra £50+ a week. So the Goverment would know of his existence, and thus would be curious as to why he does not attend school when it is required of any normal child his age.

So your reasoning on that front is invalid. I suggest doing more research into these kinda things before you start on a story.

Not to mention, this character comes off from your basic outline of him, as a beast or mindless animal. I'd suggest changing it along the basics from like that, to a Harry who is cold, calculated and hates the world. And has no morals to speak off. Have the Horcrux in his scar have fed the dark thoughts in his mind and partially merged with him and basically make him into alot like 'crazy-post-resurrection-Voldemort- who according to fanon lost alot of his intelligence and gained insanity. This Harry could be alot like that, powerful, cold, hates the world and is just insane enough to want to watch it burn.

Secondly, finding a ritual to allow him to drag alternate versions of himself into his own world? That seems to be alot like a power enproaching upon a gods power. For ever alternate reality, there would be an alternate god or gods who governed over said world. Unless this Harry plans to use the hallows or some other relic from a god to accomplish this, I'd say you'd be better off with him creating the ritual through a combined use of very complex Ancient Runes and Arithmancy. And using the ambient magic - a plot device - absorbed by Hogwarts in its entire 1000 years of life and drain that power to rip a few holes in the fabric of reality and pull his alternate selves to him by using himself as an anchor for the complex and powerful....Summoning Charm.

Thirdly. I've saw you change your mind on the names of almost all of the Harry's straight after one opinion. And that to me, tells me that you're not confident enough in yourself to actually come up with something yourself and bids me to tell you that, if you can't even think of that you really don't have the kind of creative mind needed for this kind of story. And I'd suggest a much more basic plot.

I myself know I have the creative mind needed for this kind of thing, I've got a fairly good imagination. But, I wouldn't be confident in my skills as a writer to be able to pull of such a story.

Especially since, Character development and dialouge from characters are my worst skills when it comes to writing stories. So unless you're sure you can do it, and atleast passable I'd really suggest a much more basic story outline until you build upon your story writing skills enough for such a story.

Moving on, I've gotta say I'm not all that impressed with the characters chosen. Hell, if you're looking for something as cliche as it gets, why not bloody well add in a Harry with the freaking Sharingan, those seem to be popular again these days.

My biggest concern though is canon Harry. If you're bringing him from the post-final battle timeline. Then it could work, but with all the advantages these other versions of him have it will be hard for him to measure up without the Deathly Hallows.

His limited spell repertoire doesn't bother me too much. I made a thread a while back on how I believed that the spells he has, if used properly would be enough for any kind of fight and the added power of the Elder Wand would make it much easier on him. He's a bit above average in Transfiguration, so with the Elder Wand I'd assume that he would be pretty good when it comes to animating, conjuring and animal transfigurations. And the like.

So yeah, as long as you can use your mind creatively enough. Canon Harry could take on high level opponents. The basics are the foundations of all style of combat, and a master of the basics could take on and defeat an adept users of 'master' level spells. I can think of a few ways to even stop Fiendfyre with just basic spells like Agaumenti and Glacius.

The biggest thing I think I should advise of you. Is the fact that you need to make all of the Harry's equal in some way shape or form. They are all Harry, so they all have the same potential and all have went different ways of acquiring their powers. Infact, if any of them should be the most powerful it would be canon Harry who has the Deathly Hallows and has them to boost his power. Note, I did not say stronger, smarter, or better than any of the others. His level of power is the same of theirs it's just that he has the Elder Wand to augment his powers.

 

Before I begin, I wanted to thank you for not only looking over the whole thing, but creating this well-thought out critique.

Now, onto your issues. I'll start with the smaller ones before going to your big one.

Let's start with Crazy Harry. In retrospect, I may have done it a bit too far, both in the abuse and in the claim the Dursleys make sure he doesn't go to Hogwarts (which Dumbledore would never allow, even if it turns out untrained wizards weren't a danger to themselves and others).

Your idea, while not without merits, goes against the fact I want him to be absolutely crazy. One step above an animal is what I have in mind for him. Besides, the other Bad Harrys already cover "powerful, cold, hates the world and is just insane enough to want to watch it burn."

So how about this: I get rid of the Abused part and replaced it with Abandoned. Vernon leaves Harry as a young boy in the middle of nowhere to either die or be taken care of by 'his own kind.' He did report Harry as "Missing Person" to the authorities under the belief they wouldn't find him. Harry grows up in the wilderness, referring to himself as "Boy" since he was too young to have started school at the time. He manages to survive by inadvertently tapping into the Scar-Horcrux and using the knowledge that comes with it. Over time, he becomes surprisingly resourceful from his time in the wilderness, and capable of exhausting but powerful bursts of "accidental" Magic. He also has a fair amount of Voldemort's intelligence. But he also became more than a little crazy. And he has developed a "trigger word," Freak, that if said in front of him in any context will cause his Magic to act uncontrollably and him to attack anything and everything.

Next, the Ritual. I might as well say it, the key part of the ritual was the WBWL Harry killing the only being he ever loved (that house elf that took care of him). The Death, Love, and Sacrifice was what powered this Ritual. Those are extremely powerful things, even in Canon. I will consider using Hogwart's 1,000 year old Magic to cause it. I will definitely go with "he's the anchor," though. That is a good idea I can already figure out how to use.

As for the Cliche Harrys, I do admit the original story was meant to be a mockery of that. Hell, it originally had Veela Harry, for God Sake. But I have changed since then. While they will include a few vague Cliches, I will try to avoid specific or major ones. And as you yourself pointed out, I have changed my characters around to get rid of the worst ones.

Don't worry, I'm giving Canon Harry (who gets sent there shortly after the Battle) all three Hallows. Hell, I may even give him something cool due to being the Master of Death.

I am aware of the need to keep them equal in power. And more importantly, I am aware of the need to make sure they all have their individual strengths and individual weaknesses.

Finally, your big one. My weakness as a Writer.

You have no idea how right you are. I am hardly a good writer. When I attempted to post a story on here, it was not good.

Which is why I wanted to write this story. To get better.

And to be honest, I was planning on writing this story to improve my abilities and build up to a big story I had in mind: an improved version of what I first wrote here.

But I do see your point in the enormity of this Story. While I have no intention of making it too long, I can tell where you're coming from in that regard.

Tell you what: I'll put this idea in the fridge, and give the One-Shots another try. I was going to do that originally, but my first impression of that thread was that they were all weird random couplings and sexual shit.

Thank you again for your help. You gave me a lot to think about.

 

In a one-shot you have room for one idea. Since you're writing HP fanfic and everyone knows who Harry Potter is, you can cut straight to the chase with little to no build up. Every line should bring us closer to that single idea you have. Rush rush rush. This isn't how good long fanfic is usually written. One-shots might improve your writing but they're going to let you skip a lot of things necessary to novel-length work.

I think you should reconsider. Even if you're not a good writer, you can still produce a good story (ex. JK Rowling) and this idea has a lot of potential. It obviously interests you, which means it's probably as good a plot for you as any and better than most.

And it's okay for things like Abused Harry's background to not make much sense. The whole damn story's implausible to begin with. If you write it straight it will just become the cliches it was originally meant to make fun of. The cliches are not funny in themselves, they are boring, and a serious story written around them will also be boring. A non-serious story does not need sensible character backstories. It just needs narrative coherence. Besides, if you spend a lot of brainstorming time on this it'll just tempt you to slam us with exposition at the beginning. Just get an idea of everyone's character and as you write, fill in the details that seem to gel best with the way the character is acting. Maybe right now you picture Harry as some kind of quivering, abused psychopath, but when you start writing him you realize he'd be much better as a drug-addled cannibal masquerading as a common lowlife. Or whatever. Anyway, the most important thing is that however implausible these people are, they feel like people, not like mouthpieces for funny lines the author came up with. Brainstorming doesn't help a lot with that either.

I also suggest that they all originally go by Harry Potter and wrangle out nicknames when they're summoned. ("Why do I gotta be Mr. Pink?")

 

I've skipped over some of this thread, this is just my advice to you:

Write whatever the hell you want to write. Don't ask people for opinions or ideas or anything like that. Or maybe do ask and then go ahead and do whatever you want to do.

When they say "it sucks" look for any CONCRETE criticism and if there isn't any then shank them for being retarded. Or at least in your mind shank them into little bits and ribbons of meat and then go write WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT.

The first rule of being a writer: Write. Keep writing.

There are ALWAYS going to be people who say whatever you're doing sucks. Always, it's like a fucking rule of life. If everyone and their mother approves then they're robots or worse.

Anyway, have confidence. Try writing out your ideas and see how it goes. The more time I spend ruminating on my writing and worrying about how others will like it, the less I write and the worse the product is.

Find someone(s) who will beta or early draft read your work and do a few rounds of back and forth and then post here on DLP or wherever else.

If you need someone to look at your draft from a constructive pov then you can PM me.

Still, the best advice I can give is engage with those people who are helping you improve as a writer and as for the others...that's how you gain inspiration for writing darkly violent scenes.