Title: Warning Signs Read Desolation.
Author: Minidraken.
Rating: T.
Genre: Fantasy/Suspense.
Status: In-Progress.
Library Category: General.
Pairings: None.
Summary: Trying to protect the Philosopher's Stone, Harry is kidnapped by Voldemort, who uses Legilimency on him and learns that he is a Horcrux. After that, Harry is forced to learn how to survive the violent and surreal reality of Voldemort's everyday life, and try his best to make it back to Hogwarts in one piece. Simultaneously, a war looms on the horizon. Grey!Harry, Sane!Voldemort.
Link: FFnet.

The summary is an apt description.

The writing is high quality, and the characters are varied and nuanced. While most of the supporting cast is made up of Death Eaters, they’re not automatically loyal to Voldemort and question their allegiance or have ulterior motives. Voldemort reminds me of the Voldemort from Prince of the Dark Kingdom; intelligent and cruel, but also sane. So much so that he views his illogical actions before his Halloween destruction to be disturbing.

Harry has his good and bad points, and this is where the weakness of the story lies. He’s smart and a quick learner, but his acceptance of his situation with Voldemort is too quick. There are two reasons for this. The first is that he’s basically forced at wand point to call Voldemort ‘Master’ and do what he wants, and Harry only has the independence that Voldemort gives him. It doesn’t give Harry much agency, and especially so because he’s eleven and is extremely dependent on Voldemort. The second is the time scale. At twenty-two chapters, the fic has taken place over about three weeks. That’s way too quick for Harry to accept his situation so readily, and I don’t recall him thinking of Ron or Hermione often. Just by lengthening three weeks to three months could do wonders.

I’ve been reading Harry Potter fanfiction for a long time, and not once have I seen the Horcruxs used in this manner. It’s actually pretty cool. Aside from that, some people won’t like the magic system. The word ‘mana’ is used, but it’s fairly minor and easy to ignore. Just mentally replace it with ‘magic’ whenever you see it.

It updates frequently, once every two weeks, and I’ve been really enjoying it thus far.

4/5.

 

So it's at 135K words right now and has covered 3 weeks? Is there any hint that the pacing is going to not be silly moving forwards?

 

I might give it a shot, but I'm not sure I've ever seen the main characters listed as [Harry P., Severus S., Voldemort, Q. Quirrell], and there not been a dude fucking another dude in that mix somewhere.

Granted, Harry is 11 /now/, but he won't stay 11. Warning signs, indeed.

 

If the story is only at 3 weeks like MonkeyEpoxy said, then he might very well stay 11 for a very long time indeed

 

I agree with Vera that the pacing is a bit slow. The writing is fine, but while the summary mentions trying to get back to Hogwarts, the story has all but ignored it. Add in a magic system that feels more like it belongs in an RPG and the story seems awkward in some ways. Like the reason the pacing is slow is that it has to try and fill in so many blanks.

Oh, and let's not forget the not so subtle hints of a mustache twirling Dumbledore (though to be fair it could just be me being paranoid that it's coming).

While I am willing to give the story a 4/5 for the characters and writing, I'm not actually sure I am going to continue to follow the story.

 

I'm only two chapters in, and I'm already having some serious problems with this one. I like the premise a lot (reminds me of that story where Diary Riddle kidnaps Harry), but I really dislike the portrayal of the characters.

Voldemort's voice seems off - he really lacks the edge he has in canon. There are moments where his inherent cruelty is shown in the way he speaks, but for the most part he just comes across as a well mannered fellow, rather than an evil Dark Lord.

Harry seems to flip between being rebellious and siding with his kidnappers, and it's annoying as all hell. Take this quote right here:

No. No it isn't. He kidnapped you, and is conspiring with the most evil dark wizard in the last century. Harry didn't even bat an eye about killing Quirrell in canon!

I'm not against Harry gradually becoming more sympathetic towards Voldemort's side - as a result of manipulation and deceit, or something... but this is chapter two, and Harry Potter isn't anyone's bitch.

A quick look at the author's profile shows he (she?) has written HP/TR in the past, which is somewhat worrisome, but Harry's eleven for the moment, so hopefully it won't come up.

I'll keep reading, but this is really annoying me.

 

I read this one a few weeks back. Gave up becasue the pacing was too slow. But, it has a good plot, and if the author can speed it up a bit, then this story could be good. I would give it a 4/5.

 

I have to echo what some of the others said. I really enjoyed the premise of this fic, and at first I was really getting into it. However, the last few chapters have started to drag a bit, I just don't feel like its going anywhere.

Strengths:
1) I actually like the voldemort in this. He is clearly not the 'insane' voldemort of canon. He is how I picture Tom Riddle/Early Voldemort acting more than the post goblet of fire voldemort.

2) I'll also echo Vira here and say that I found the way horcrux's were handled unique and entertaining. A definite plus.


Weaknesses:
1) As many have said, the pacing is off. Especially towards the later half of the fic. Harry seems to be changing a bit too quickly as well. I could elaborate, but I feel others have talked about it as well. I could see the problem being that the author had a cool initial idea, but hadn't planned out what would actually happen after Voldie kidnapped harry and started influencing him.

2) Dumbledore et all seem weirdly passive in this. I'm sure part of that is due to this being mostly from Harry's perspective and he can't see what dumbledore et all are doing. But still. I just have to suspect that if Harry was kidnapped like this Dumbledore would be mounting all sorts of efforts to get more information, squeeze the death eaters, etc.

I get that in part this is because the focus is on Harry being exposed to the DE culture. That said, Voldemort seems almost TOO competent and Dumbledore's crowd too passive.


I would be between a 2 and a 3 on this one I think. It could go either way depending on whether the author can start moving things forward.

 

Okay, I've read all of the 22 current chapters. I think I can give a rather fair assesment of the fic.

Let us look at the cons first. As others have mentioned the magical system appears to be like that of an RPG game. Honestly I rather hate when authors use such systems as canon (in my view the books and only the books) never make mention of such. Were there such a thing as Mana in the HP-Verse one would have expected a Professor to have mentioned it.

Second Harry seems somewhat inconsistent. He seems to bounce between canon Harry and Stockholm Syndrome Harry. Frankly it is more annoying than a detraction. I would expect that Harry at his age, and given the situation would have difficulties solidifying a position.

Third, the pacing. It has been 135K words and 22 chapters and only 3 weeks have passed. I'm all for compelling story telling, and world building, which this story does offer, however, I would also like for it to get to the end before I start collecting a pension.

Now the Pros. There is lots of showing rather than telling, that is always good (perhaps that is why the pacing is so slow), it seems to avoid many of the cliches I've seen (of course I'm not saying there aren't any--just not any that I've seen before and seen them used over and over--and poorly at that) and most importantly Dumbledore doesn't seem to be overtly manipulative and Voldemort is not completely insane.

Over all I'm giving this a 4/5

 

This updated. Finally an explanation of why Harry accepted his situation so quickly.

Spoiler

It's magic, multiple magical bonds causing a sense of kinship. I'm okay with this explanation. Multiple characters have commented that Harry's quick adaption is disturbing and out-of-character, so this doesn't come out of nowhere.

However, it doesn't make me nod my head and say it's a great writing decision. Harry as a character still doesn't have much agency, and maybe it would have been a better idea for Harry to go along with the situation of his own will while trying to find an opportunity to escape. The relationship with Voldemort would still be there, but now there would be tension when Snape and Dobby give Harry the choice of leaving. As it is now, the end of the chapter can go in three directions:

a) Harry chooses to go with Snape and leave Voldemort -> seems pretty out-of-character; Harry has no reason to do this.

b) Harry is forced/tricked to go with Snape -> worst idea, Harry loses even more agency.

c) Harry is indecisive/chooses to stay and/or Snape's plan fails because Voldemort has already sabotaged it -> most likely; probably the best choice even though there's not much tension in the decision.

I still adore this story, but I'm not unaware of its flaws.