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Abandoned What became of the Likely Lads by Zimo - M - Naruto

Discussion in 'Naruto' started by Styx0444, Jun 14, 2011.

  1. Styx0444

    Styx0444 Minister of Magic

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    Title: What became of the Likely Lads
    Author: Zimo
    Rating: M
    Genre: Friendship/Horror
    Pairing: Probably Naruto/Hinata due to rewrite, but unknown
    Status: Work in Progress (Decent update rate) abandoned
    Chapters: 11
    Words: 73,588
    Updated: July 18, 2011
    Published: February 19, 2011

    Summary: Friendship is a fragile thing; Jealously, secrets and vengeance can destroy it. Lies undermine it. Insecurities rip it apart. Kiba and Sasuke are all Naruto's got to help him fight against his insanity... That's if they don't end up killing him first.

    Link: Link

    I've been meaning to post this for a while, and since today's update leaves it with 10 chapters and 62k words, I thought now was a good time.

    This is a rewrite of the original, with a hell of a lot of change. It's a lot darker, for one. The general happy atmosphere of the original is gone, along with most of the pranks and shenanigans. The quality of the writing is better, and it may be better over all. If you've read the original, all I can tell you is to go in expecting something completely different.

    Naruto is an asshole, the Kyubi tortures him, and he's a lot stronger then canon. He's also pretty much insane, and not the fun kind: the Kyubi gives him horrible nightmares and pretty fucked up hallucinations. The first few chapters are pretty much just introducing the characters, and it picks up from there. It's no canon rehash, since the first mission has to do with escorting a batshit immortal monk named Sanzo Goku to somewhere near wave. Shit proceeds to go down. Absolutely no romance so far, and if it sticks with the original's pairing of Naruto and Hinata, then it'll have a ton of development first. They hate each other at this point.

    Downside is that it's from Zimo, which means that it'll probably get to about chapter 30 before it's abandoned with scarce updates for two years, followed by being deleted. Still, a good read while it's here.

    4/5 from me.


    Checked: June 10, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 10, 2012
  2. Garden

    Garden Chief Warlock

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    Cool stuff. 5/5 for now, especially for the last chapter. I also love the crazy old sage. Lolzy to the max.
     
  3. Legacy

    Legacy Order Member DLP Supporter

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    I was disappointed when the original stopped being updated years ago, now its back, and it makes me happy. Please give me my Naruto ripping people in half again simply because he is bored.
     
  4. Styx0444

    Styx0444 Minister of Magic

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    Sadly, the story doesn't look like it's going that way. But I'll always remember it as being the first story I saved just in case. The chopstick episode was pure win :awesome
     
  5. Legacy

    Legacy Order Member DLP Supporter

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    Wait, was that before or after the kumo nin pissed him off by ruining his jacket? Because having Yugito terrified of the three of them after hearing about Naruto punching Rasengan holes through them, Sasuke carving and burning them up, and Kiba going demonic-curse seal dog on them and biting limbs off was amazing to read!

    Since it's four in the morning I'll do a basic count on the things I like about this story so far. Spelling and grammar have no need to be mentioned since this is Zimo and he tends to do good work.

    1. The Kyuubi is no longer even moderately friendly with him.
    2. The Kyuubi is an absolute bastard and I love him for it because he is acting the way you expect a demon to act.
    3. Naruto is the same asshole I knew and loved from the original, except this one happens to have some more serious psych issues.
    4. Sasuke is refreshingly well characterized, he's a dick, he's a loner who is among people that he doesn't want to like. More importantly, he has character!
    5. Kiba is still the Kiba I liked back then, rather slow but equally amusing and perceptive when he needs to be.
    6. Development of the trios friendship is well done and still relatively rocky.
    7. Tormenting of Sakura is well done in this and makes sense from the view of this Naruto.
    8. My mad monk is back!
    9. My mad monk actually happens to have a character besides being crazy and a token assignment.
    10. My mad monk is back and kicked Kisame's ass!
    11. Lastly, I like that we are still left completely in the dark about what the Kyuubi's intentions are, what will happen to Naruto, and what the fox has done to Naruto.

    All in all, very good so far.
     
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2011
  6. Styx0444

    Styx0444 Minister of Magic

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    Technically it was before, but it wasn't mentioned except afterward in the explanation of why Yugito hated the demon trio, and the konoha ninja talking about the crimes that may have been Naruto, Kiba, and Sauske. Zimo is a chick, by the way.
     
  7. Moloch

    Moloch Groundskeeper

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    Any chance someone has a copy of the original somewhere?

    Yes, that also means I thoroughly enjoyed the 10 chapters I've seen so far.
     
  8. Styx0444

    Styx0444 Minister of Magic

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    I actually have a copy of all but the last one or two chapters on a CD. Send me a PM with your email or something and I'll send it to you if I can find it.
     
  9. Legacy

    Legacy Order Member DLP Supporter

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    Oh yaaaa, didn't they also find Hanabi sometime around then as well? I still cringe at the idea of those three as parents of anything.
     
  10. Zimo

    Zimo Muggle

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    *Makes account after three years*

    Although I am happy and flattered that you guys are enjoying the rewrite so far, I'd really appreciate it if you would refrain from discussing the original story in public. You might end up writing spoilers for the new readers.

    Thanks ;)
     
  11. yak

    yak Moderator DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    I'm reading chapter 3 and WBotLL seems alright so far. My main gripe is that the constant spelling and grammar errors keep on pulling me out of the story. I'm only immersed in the story for brief moments before another mistake breaks me out of it again. Even simple your/you're errors are present.

    Here are a few examples. Corrections are in red.

    Like dogs were equipped with a keen sense of smell, and bats with a precise sonar, the Uchiha had been born with a built-in Naruto homing device.

    The errors are worryingly commonplace. Zimo needs a proof-reader.
     
    Last edited: Jun 15, 2011
  12. Zimo

    Zimo Muggle

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    Yes, I do need a BETA reader. Is there anyone out there who is reasonably active and willing to take on this job? If not, I would greatly appreciate it if you could refer me to someone who is via PM. I had a lovely BETA reader but then reality reclaimed them and I have not heard from them since.

    I also need to finish rewriting some of the earlier chapters. As a reader on TFF said to me, I have my objective but then I overcompensate.

    And now I shall leave you all to discuss what you will.
     
  13. yak

    yak Moderator DLP Supporter Retired Staff

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    Now that you're a member of DLP you can see the Work by Author subforums, including Misc. https://forums.darklordpotter.net/forumdisplay.php?f=67

    The various WbA subforums are for authors to get feedback on fics before they release them. Sometimes the feedback motivates authors to tweak chapters, correct grammar, or occasionally rewrite scenes. WbA is generally not gentle with its criticisms. Take a look at some of the other WbA threads to get an idea of what it's like. https://forums.darklordpotter.net/forumdisplay.php?f=100

    You could try posting the next chapter of your story there, mention you're looking for a beta, and see what kind of responses you get. If any of them seem like what you're looking for, you could try PMing the forum member.
     
  14. The Berkeley Hunt

    The Berkeley Hunt Headmaster

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    One more converted...
     
  15. Kari Black

    Kari Black DA Member

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    I like friendship fics and dark themes so this fic is right up my alley. I'm interested to see where this will go plot-wise as well. 4/5