Excessive use of ellipses and parentheticals. Stop being lazy and actually right out a damn sentence.

Authors who try to make their dialogue sound sophisticated, intelligent, epic, etc.

The nicknames: cub, prongslet, moldyshorts, moldymort, etc. This one pisses me off to no end.

I'm sure I could think of many more if I took the time.

 

"Yither!" cried Godric Gryffindor. "Yalwast ye bragand! I doth speak lyke a moste moronicist curr for I beckon from thy age that thy callest thy Darkst Agest!"

 

Yep, I have a friend like that too. Not many people have that bad of a stutter, but they are out there. More to the point, I doubt Fudge has one. It would be difficult to be a charming politician with a stutter that bad.

 

The so-called word "anyways." There's no such word people! While it is often limited to hack writers, it isn't always. It was one of the (few) things that annoyed me in Browncoat, Green Eyes. nonjon's better than that.

 

Merriam-Webster begs to differ: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/anyways

 

lol pwnt. GTFO mknote.

 

Still a horrible word.

 

"It was a perfectly normal street, in a perfectly normal neighborhood.."
the excessive use of the word "normal" at the beginning of a story, also a quick recap of the events in past books like we haven't read them before.

 

I think some people aren't admitting it. I, however, will. There are times when I repeat a set of words like my brain is caught in a loop and can't get the rest out. It's very annoying.

"I can't get...I can't get...I can't get..."

My manager's reply. "What's wrong, can't get your dick in the rubber?"

"Fuck you, asshole. I can't get the proofer pushed-up."

I love working at a place where I can get away with calling my boss that.

The biggest annoyance for me in dialogue is where thoughts just don't flow well. Example being when someone is explaining something and goes off on another tangent.

"It was in a dark cellar that Voldemort was birthed into this world. His mother's dying words were lost to the thundering storm. He was made Headboy in his seventh year."

See the bad transition?

The bad part? I do this a lot myself. Guess that's why I hate it so much. Insert angst...I hate myself.

 

Old English in HP fanfiction annoys the f%@k out of me...

As does;
-Twin-speak

-Prongslet, cub, pup, Remus' 'pack'

-Moldywarts/Moldyshorts (or any other equally creative variation)

-Order of the Fried Chicken/Bird club/Turkey club,

-Constantly having to read 'the brightest witch of her age', 'It was time to bring out his Slytherin side' or 'Harry my boy, I must insist that you return to Privet Drive' (usually after being raped/abused by the Dursleys, having a gun fight with them, destroying the house and half the neighbourhood with questionably 'accidental' magic, Voldemort casually breaching the wards and joining said gun fight and the aurors turning up to find a smoking ruin and Harry Potter gone)

-

Finally! Someone hates this shit as much as I do.

-The usual pseudo-Lucius dialogue when Harry goes to buy a custom wand or 'Dark Merchandise' from Borgin&Burkes. Its always the same shitty dialogue.

-Prank description by the twins/Sirius involves turning something pink or green

- The pureblood elitist using muggle words/phrases. Seriously ruins a fic for me.

-(Pet peeve) Defiantly instead of definitely...This is frightfully common

-The 'old coot'

 

Some really annoying shit to me is:
1) When someones goes through all of Harry's early years if they haven't made a change to it.

2) When Harry suddenly comes to the realization that's he's more anally
fucked at Hogwarts than should be normal, even though it's been 5-7 years.

3)And likeLadySorrows said above this, any mention of a band or anyone singing any song.

4) Pouting.....

 

As this thread has been done a million times over, I'm going to try and concentrate on what the thread title is asking about: dialogue cliches.

1) When people use the person's name over an over again.

"Good morning, Harry."

"Morning, Hermione. Sleep well?"

"Of course, Harry? When have you ever heard me complain of insomnia? Do you even listen when I'm speaking?"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Hermione. No need to get all defensive and bitchy out of no where. You aren't usually like this. Oh wai-"

You get the picture.

2) Kids are way too mature for their age.

Harry on his soapbox in Diagon Alley: "I'm honestly tired of the blatant hypocrisy that's running rampant throughout our society. All of you hide like sheep under the protection of a corrupted, tyrannical government ... tl;dr I'm eleven year old and use words like hypocrisy and tyrannical to show case my oh so intricate knowledge of a society I've been read about in books from the Knockturn Alley Indy!Harry supply store."

3) Use of Fanon, cliche phrases.

"I remember you. You're Griphook, the goblin that took me to my vault when I first came here. May your gold always flow."

Shocked that one so young and human knew Goblin custom, Griphook could only stand there in shock for a moment before bowing back and replying,

"And may you sound like a fucking ass hat copying 1340593450943 others."

These are all I can be fucked to think about. They are my pet peeves in HPFF dialogue.

 

This sounds a lot like Bellerphon30, I can't stand his stories anymore. Old Crow is also a victim of this from time to time, speaking of Old Crow he is a victim of another common cliche amongst authors who have wrote multiple stories: Recycling OC's, when authors do this (like old crow) they always have the same background, making it sound like a story you've already read.

 

Snarf's first one is the worst dialogue cliche in fandom. I'd honestly rather read about Prongslets and Moldyshorts, than deal with the constant name repitition.

- Another "good" one is goblin manners: "May your gold flow like the juices from a female hippogryph's loins," or "May your wealth increase like the African AIDS epidemic," etc.

- The French accent. 'Nuff said.

- The final big one is house elf speak. I haven't read the books in a while, but I was under the impression that they simply didn't use the pronoun "I" and opted to say a person's full name - not full-on slave talk:

Correct: Harry Potter sir must not return to Hogwarts
Fanon: Yous must not be goings to Hogwarts, Harry Potter.

 

No satisfaction.

 

Laid.

It's canon.

 

I think the worst for me is the word "thru".

IT IS NOT A FUCKING WORD. If the character is moving past some portal, it's through. If the character has lobbed some object, it's threw. The only possible reason to use this word is if the character is getting fries and a shake at the drive-thru - and even then seeing it fills me with hate.

Sadly enough, I saw the word thru on a bus the other day, so it's spreading past the internet and into the real world. That's scary shit.

 

Blame Teddy Roosevelt. He tried to simplify English at one point, and mostly failed, but little gems like "thru" somehow managed to survive.

 

Yousa people gonna die?