Title: What we seek, We shall find.

Author: Fr4Nc0

Genre: Drama

Pairing: Unknown

Status: Complete

Summary: "Had we, in our murderous rampage, unknowingly started to slay our comrades, unable to discern between friend and foe?" A soldier's thoughts as he takes part in the last battle of the war. Read and review.

It's a short-ish one shot (2,800 words) and it's fairly good. I think the title kinda sucks. Advice is greatly appreciated. Please do tell me if it sucks.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6151016/1/

 

The format makes both of your one-shots horrible to read. Fix it.

Here is where you should go if you seek to improve your writing.

The fic itself - alot better than the other piece you posted, but it still sucks. I won't elaborate, as you seem more than a little like an ignorant troll who's trying too hard.

 

I'm curious as to why my one-shot sucks. What youre doing is called mindless bashing, and I'm curious to see if you have enough intelligence to criticize me constructively.

 

I simply refuse to read your one-shots due to shitty formatting. Single-space between lines you chump.

That said, it's also incredibly tacky to put your own stories up for review, unless you're awesome. Which you aren't. I always found going on IRC and wooing Mindless into reccing my stories worked just fine for me - and wasn't quite a violation of DLP-ettiquite.

 

Considering he just joined as well and that was the first thing he did..

 

The one-shot is melodramatic, ambiguous dross the provides little opportunity for emotional investment on the part of the reader for the narrator. It's quite the trick to screw this up when the author's employed first person POV. Why exactly should I be made to care if some nameless nobody loses someone I don't care about in a battle I don't recognize? And why is this DLP Library worthy? Because it has a few gory bits? Please.

The author cannot use a comma correctly, nor format a story in a way that makes it readable unless you diddle with your browser. Even then, more than half the text is in italics, which is beyond annoying. A proper story has a dramatic arc and a feeling that something (anything) is reconciled in the end. This fails on that basic level.

If you are genuinely interested in constructive criticism, follow Clerith's suggestion and post your story in WBA, where it'll be given. Posting in For Review, as Kensington stated, is a claim to the community that you believe the story to be so good as to merit being evaluated against nonjon's, Shezza's, or Joe6991's standards.

2/5

 

So, is the crappy formatting intentional or what?

 

Agreed 2/5 unless the irritating spacing is fixed and something of actual SUBSTANCE is added in.

 

Not that I want to repeat what everyone else just said, but the format sucks.

It especially sucks for me because I have FF.net automatically set to zoom in to make the text bigger, and so its not actually even double spaced for me.

To me it looks like a bunch of rather short single spaced paragraphs that end abruptly (mid word) then start again as another paragraph.

Reformat it, and I may find time to read it. Otherwise 1/5

Also

I wish I knew that before I posted one of my own stories for review. *Hides head in shame*

Wait, it made it to the library, does that make me awesome? The voices in my head are telling me to shut up because I'm pushing my luck. They also told me to delete that last line.

-PP

 

Should have just let this topic fade out instead of bumping it after a month of no responses :/

 

QFT.

Anyway I wouldn't worry about reccing your own stories, I do it all the time and nobody seems to mind.

 

Thats cause your work is awesome.

Now stop fishing for compliments!

 

I wasn't. I'm serious. Don't understand why anyone cares.

 

OP, keep writing, just don't post it. On another note: this thread is now about the awesomeness that is Conlaodh's Song

Proof:

 

SO, FIRST OF ALL.

Really? I must've missed that memo.

I also don't see how giving a FR thread another 1/5 review is less efficient than "letting it fade out." Nobody wondered why it hadn't been thrown away? Before Pajamas posted, it only had 4 actual reviews (and I feel I'm being generous about calling the fourth an 'actual review').

Interestingly enough, 5 reviews is my arbitrarily-chosen threshold for moving a thread out of For Review; and this, no matter how many ratings the thread gets.

SECONDLY.

When you're posting a story of yours in For Review, it doesn't matter if you're called enembee, Syaoran, or francospazv. I did it once as a newb, no one minded. Why? Because I don't see what's up with freaking out about someone recommending their own work. Explicitly rating one's story is tacky. Thinking it worthy of the Library isn't -- in fact, if you think your story sucks, why the hell are you still writing it?

Seriously. A story's recommended. It sucks, or it doesn't. It gets reviewed, it's kept or tossed out. End of story.

THIRDLY.

I know you're joking, but for future reference, please refrain from posting that kind of drooling crap in Library threads. It makes me want to snap someone's neck with my teeth.

FOURTHLY.

Thread locked. Reason: overwhelming failure.