Title: When A Lioness Fights
Author: kayly silverstorm
Rating: M
Genre: Angst/Drama/Romance (or something along those lines)
DLP Category: General
Pairing: Hermione/Severus, Hermione/Lucius
Status: WIP
Summary: Hermione Granger, master spy, and Severus Snape, spymaster to the Order. An unlikely partnership, forged to defeat the Dark Lord on his own ground. But to do so, they must confront their own darkness within. Spying, torture, angst and love. AU after fifth.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2162474/1/When_A_Lioness_Fights



This plot has always fascinated me, so when I searched the forum today, trying to find out what the rest of you thought about it, I was seriously surprised that I came up empty-handed. I’m sure some of you will have seen this before and moved on because of the pairing but you shouldn’t because the plot totally makes up for it. I value this story because of its description of somebody so close to the abyss and because it touches onto the darkness we often see “glimmering in X’s eyes” but that most authors never elaborate on. This might not be an all around fabulous fic and it does tend towards the melodramatic a little, but I consider it worth reading because of those special bits that I enjoy for the sole reason of them being what sticks in my mind after the 20+ fanfics I read per month.

Although this is M and a romance it is not sex driven… actually there has been no fluffy smut at all up until now… The relationship evolves slowly and plausibly and there are no “cute” bits because that would not match either of main characters. There is some very interesting character development (some of the best I’ve seen): Hermione from the schoolgirl to the cold, self-sacrificing woman and Harry, who has a side role in this fic, developing from an immature brat to a more slytherin-y powerful young man , a slow development in both cases that allows the Gryffindors to remain in-character.

There is a lot of gore and torture and some really nice battle scenes and I can only encourage you to at least try the first two chapters.

For me this is a 5/5, not because it is perfect but because it is unique.

 

errr......

I'm not going to rate it, because I haven't read it, but wtf? Herman/Sevvie???

 

no






(filler)

 

Actually, I have read one S/Hr story in all my time on the fandom and I actually enjoyed it. Thing is, the pairing is just so nauseating that I couldn't handle it for more then a few chapters.

I would have read this one ... but for the Lucius/Hermione. What in the bleeding hell is that? It's most definitely not Dark Lord Potter~esque and I ... just no. We should make a list of straight pairings we just can't deal with so people won't post them up.

 

The Lucius/Hermy is part of her role as a spy and a large part of her torture. I totally accept that some people won't want to read this pairing because it was one of those I avoided like some disease too but this story is not pairing-centred... and I don't treasure it for the pairing but the style of writing she developed throughout the story and the good characterization of Hermione, a very 2D character in canon and most fanfics... It's nice to see her as something else than the walking dictionary.

 

Good characterization of Hermione?! You are kidding, right?

 

That's the melodramatic part I've never enjoyed. *sighs* Like most new authors she starts off weak and we have no idea why Hermione behaves like that but her behaviour matches what we later learn about her. That's just teeny Hermione being ostentatious right after she stepped into the dark... It's a lot like the independent!Harrys that talk Dumbldore into a quivering mess... They've done something outside the Old One's control and now they're all haughty about it... But then again... I actually enjoy this cockiness... It makes me laugh with glee at the other characters bafflement...

 

As I don't have enough time to discuss all 6 chapters I have read, I'll only discuss first.

Story begins with Dumbledore getting letter from Hermione.
Hermione, asks to meet Dumbledore and informs him that she, mudblood, joined the ranks of death eaters, people whos only desire is to kill all, above mentioned mudbloods.

She later says that she gained trust of a person who is the leader of the said Death Eaters by betraying a man who has been helping light side and is far more experienced in spying that she is.

She says that Voldemort, believed dirty little schoolgirl, instead of the pureblooded man he more-or-less trusted for 20 years.

Later when Dumbledore, man she trusts, praises and always listens to, demands that she quit, she says

Let's see what's wrong with that quote

#1. - She was able to get time-turner
#2. - She says that Dumbledore can't choose what to do, because she's already 18, but has no way to prove it and if she does she will have a one-way-ticket to Azkaban.
#3. - She says that she'll quit the school, when few years back, she was afraid of being expelled from said school, more than she was afraid of dying.


1/5

 

don't think so, sorry mate.

 

I thought; "What the hell! Give it a try"...

Worst mistake ever

For starters, I don't usually enjoy this kind of fics, so it's hard for me to read this with an open mind. I don't like Snape or Lucius Malfoy either, just because of that it's already a no-no for me.

The story itself it's not badly written, I'll give you that, but the plot reeks "rabid fangirl". That aside, Hermione is too out of character (that wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't portrayed as the "cool bitch with an emo side") and it all comes down to this:

Fangirl thoughts: Severus and Lucius are soooooo hawt! I wanna make luuurve to them. But that's impossible... I'm such a nerd, just like Hermione, and I'm a bit of an emo girl and an angsty teenager...

And we all know the rest.

The difference, in this case, is that the authoress, at least, knew how to write without scorching our retines.

I guess that my point of view is biased, but it will have to do.

 

You know when people don't know the proper technical way to write dialogue in English, that the story fails.

"When you write dialogue," narrated the narrator, "You capitalize the first letter at the beginning of each piece, and finish each statement with either a comma, question mark, or exclamation mark – although if you want to get tricky and postmodern, you can use dashes and periods too,"

However, dialogue never goes "blah",. Call it a pet peeve, but, it pisses me off when authors do this for some reason.

 

Yup... that's me whenever I stumble across a fic I don't like. I feel the loss of the time I will never be able to make up for... I like your sig. May I add it to mine?

 

My god... Hermione is a completely different person.

This is like Martin Luther King Jr. infiltrating the KKK. Fucking retarded concept, disgusting pairings, and the grammar could be better.

2/5

 

Plotholes plotholes plotholes.

It always boggles my mind whenever things like this happens. Premise, Hermione needs to go undercover. Solution, she turns spy. Reality, she's gutted, raped and killed, the mudblood whore that she is by blood supremacists the moment she shows herself.

Timetravel: Notice how she's conveniently become exactly 18 by the usage of a time turner? Same reason why bad porno series are called "Barely 18 ___"

But from the bottom of my heart, I cannot for the life of me understand why fangirls are attracted to these two characters. Is it the movie cast? I've heard they're Alan Rickman fangirls but that man's old, wrinkly and definetly nothing like Pitts and Beckhams.
Do they want someone who has a very questionable hygiene?
Do they want someone with such an unlikeable, repulsive and most probably abusive personality?
Do they want someone who has belittled and mentally tortured yourself and your friends ever since he set his eyes upon you?
Do they think that they can somehow make a project out of this sorry excuse for a human, to turn him to the light side?

What does that make you?



I know there's a thread already for this but by all the things that's holy, if a girl actually likes someone like this.. And girls are supposed to be the superior sex?

 

Liking? Snape? Well I'm sure that you'd find somebody with a fetish for sallow skin, crooked teeth and greasy hair if you look hard enough... I mean there is people out there that get frisky over 60 year olds with their tits hanging somewhere around the flabby fat of their stomach.

Fanon Snape? Well most fangirls make the sallow skin ivory pale and the greasy hair is silky black strands and his voice is like velvet and he has this wiry strength and onyx eyes... and then he has the mysterious thing going... I don't know about you but I could live with fanon Snape...

Canon Snape + human being? Nuh uhn. Not unless your missing 4 of your senses...

 

Impossible. Just like Hermione/Draco, or Ginny/Draco, no Hermione/Snape fic can be described to have a romance that "develops plausibly", for in all of these fics, the characters are always twisted so far out-of-character they are simply OCs created by the author and slapped on with HP names. So no, don't EVER describe any of these pairings as "plausible", or even worse, "in-character". It would be going against the laws of the universe.

Let's see: Non-Harry centric story, plus a ridiculous plot device (Hermione as a master spy? WTF?) and an even more ludicrous pairing gives this an instant... 1/5.

Edit: Kardikek had a good point. The Death Eaters and Voldemort will never accept Hermione. A halfblood? Perhaps. But a mudblood in their ranks? It would be blasphemous. If she shows up she will just be food up for the offering.

 

I just spent the last fifteen minutes reading this... I want my fifteen minutes back.

The dialog is stilted and the premise is implausible (LogrusMage was spot on with the analogy).

 

I'm not going to even bother.

Hermione as a spy?

A muggleborn in the Death Eater Ranks? Yah, cus thats plausible, rite?

 

It's not like the indy Harry fans don't have their own clichés and plotholes you have to overlook. Be it a sudden personality change, undiscovered superpowers or vast unimaginable riches. And to be honest, if you add enough backstory you could make anything believable. Even a Snape/Hermione.

I just couldn't find any gradual transition to making this particular plot plausible however. Hermione just suddenly decides to spy, Voldemort just suddenly decides to accept ignoring his modus operandi and the reason for most of his powerbase, the hating of anything muggle.

A brainstorming could have easily prevented the most obvious ones. You really only need to briefly summarize the characters wants and desires and then ask yourself some questions.
- Would this character do this? Yes/no?
- Would the opposing character do this? Yes/no?
- Would these characters actually say things like this?

For example.
Canon Voldemort: Irrational hate towards muggles, wants to take over magical britain maybe more, wants to kill Harry, is extremely single minded although should read an evil overlord's guide to remove some bad habits. Let's not forget that he is really powerful with a lifetime worth of dark arts practice, not just book reading.

Plot: Hermione asks to be a spy and sells out Snape to gain trust

Do you:
1. Mindrape her for everything she knows
2. Due to not being able to confirm Snape's true allegience from the mind of someone Snape has never said a nice word to, still be suspicious
3. Due to realizing Hermione's real plans after said mindrape laugh at the sheer stupidity at her clever plot
4. After having some fun torturing her for her impudence imperio her and order her back to Hogwarts where she will proceed to kill Harry Potter & friends

or

5. Leave her mind alone trusting her impeccably followed by having her have unfettered access to your private meetings


I can't really see any other way out of this without using the Snape template on Voldemort where he secretly wants to be redeemed but is hiding it from his death eaters for some reason. And then it turns into something else.
Harry Potter is about Harry Potter and his struggles against Lord Voldemort. The moment it doesn't have that particular plot as something that has happened, something that is happening, something that is going to happen or part of something that's postponed indefinetly it stops being Harry Potter.

 

Hermione knew what she was applying for when she introduced herself into pureblood circles with Draco's help and from there on into the Death Eaters. But: She introduces herself as the new Bellatrix. She's a power hungry, crazy young woman that gets off from receiving and giving pain... Thats no reason for Voldie to trust her and of course she's just a fuck and torture toy for them. But:

Hermione taught herself how to occlude. She did this in the only plausible way I ever came across... Because her worst fear was Voldemort managing to break into her mind she used a boggart. Like this she had someone trying to mindrape her and she could try to learn to apply what she learnt from books to reality. Of course boggart!Voldemort isn't as strong as real Voldemort but I would consider it good practice.

Hermione is in no way a spy like Snape. She's something like their mascot. She govels at their feet. She represents the future of all mudbloods for them. And Voldemort never trust her because this Voldemort is realistic. He uses her to spy on Harry and Ron and in the end... or at least as far as the story is now... she is discarded after outliving her uses.

And yes Hermione is completely OOC... like every Indy!Harry is OOC. It one of the "problems" with fanfiction.