I have just found the greatest explanation of JKR's descent into the hell of book six.

It's here http://krakensghost.livejournal.com/27782.html#cutid1

While Kraken does live in the Naruto fandom he is a revered author (for his FOXHOUND fic) and is a fan of Harry Potter.

 

Hilarious, wihs he would've mentioned DD's bullshit training though..

 

It was a decent read, and was even hoping that it would be longer, just to get a few more laughs.

Good find, glad you posted.

 

Kraken rants on everything it seems. I've read all his rants on his Naruto beefs.

Quite good if I say so myself.

 

I found it hilarious. It touched on so much that is wrong with HBP. DO YOU HEAR THAT JKR!?!?

 

and the best one paragraph summary of HP&OOTP goes to: Karaken's Ghost!

edit: I DO agree that midknights were better, but I just thought Karaken's OOTP summary deserved some props.

 

Yeah not to be arrogant, byt my rant was better, that one was kinda half ass, and looked like something quickly typed out in an IRC room

 

Mids was much better, though that isn't difficult, this one was rubbish in my opinion.

 

Mids rant was much better. Although many key points are covered. He wasted rant space on Remus not being in book 6 enough. I couldnt care less that he wasnt in it, or that he and Tonks are in love. Mid, send him your rant and tell him to beat it...

 

Contradiction #1: You say that you are pissed because the book is so short, yet you say that the book is utter garbage. By stating your opinion on the length of the book, you give the appearance of wanting to read more, when in fact you do not.

Contradiction #2: You complained about the time it took JKR to write the sixth book, this makes it seem as if you were eagerly awaiting it. It can easily be derived, by looking at your opinion of the fifth book, that you most likely were not.

Argument #1: Like many before you, you have most likely succumbed to the world of fanfiction. Twisting your view of the books and making your expectations higher. You see something you like in a fanfiction and expect JKR to outdo it every time. If you want the perfect story, write it yourself.

Argument #2: This has nothing to do with the books and will be disregarded. I'd be sorry that your life is so horrible if I actually gave a fuck. Go /wrist yourself.

Argument #3: I was under the impression that the book was about Harry's time at Hogwarts... and eventually about Dumbledore's betrayal and the Horcruxes. Of course I may be mistaken and JKR just loves Snape that much.

Pointless Comment #1: Ah, apparently I was wrong and JKR just wants to have hot sex with Snape.

Contradiction #3: If you got this message from the books then I think you may be more obsessed with him than you say JKR is. In fact, your obsession is so severe that it is bending the reality presented in the books... you may be worse than the average fangirl by those standards. The books are about Harry Potter, not Severus Snape, get over it.

Argument #4: Hmm, maybe Harry thinks that Draco is up to something because he still is a 'near-retarded moron' and is fairly conspicuous. As for the fact that he is inept, well, he certainly seems to have gotten a little bit better recently hasn't he? I couldn't tell you for sure, but having your father put in prison and a Dark Lord watching your every move would tend to make one grow up quickly. The inbred part? Sorry, nothing that can change that. I'm sure that you could look past it with time.

Argument #5: I've said this many times... JKR has had the plot for this planned out for years. Draco's involvement in Dumbledore's death is a major plot point; One that would not be altered by her fanbase. Besides, I doubt that she really cares if her income goes up at this point. If you look at the amount she donates then you'd probably think somewhere along the same lines. Hell even if she did care about the money like a greedy whore, she wouldn't put the time in to researching what her fanbase wants the most and altering her plot to fit it in. It's just not worth the trouble when all of those slash-loving fangirls are going to buy the fucking book anyways.

Not even going to touch this as I know it's impossible to sway the opinions of those who really care about ships. I don't care at all unless they directly affect the plot, and in my opinion JKR did a very good job at keeping the relationships secondary in book 6.

Pointless Comment #2: I'm so sorry that your favorite characters didn't get more prominent roles... oh wait the book isn't about Neville or Luna? Shit, how could I miss that? If you want to read more about them, or even fantasize about having a massive orgy featuring all of your favorite characters, look to fanfiction.

Argument #6: There are many conditions leading up to Dumbledore's death which could make it very logical. Right now we only have speculations, I suppose you'll just have to suffer through the last book to find everything out. I know that seems like a daunting task, call up your mother and ask her to hold your hand the whole way through, you know... for comfort. Don't worry, you can do it, I believe in you... The effort it takes you to form coherent thoughts, let alone write a rant, must be overwhelming compared to what you put in to reading the book.

...dumbass

Anyways, have a nice day folks, I'm too tired of looking at this to continue.

 

Thank you for posting that, Silver Peas. It was a mildly entertaining read.

 

To me it is very interesting that you and Midknight seem to make three ridiculous arguments. They are:

A) That I am the author of the rant.

B) That I believed that said rant was anything more than an amusing opinion on books five and six.

C) That I, in any way, believed that it was better than your rant, Midknight, which I found out existed no less than hours after I posted and have not found a link to.


Thank you for your absolutely biting arrogance and your inane presumptions.

 

A)

No where does he say that the author of the rant is you.

B) Care to give examples of where they say that?

C) Where does it say that BMM thought that you believed it was better? Mindknight simply says "Yeah, mine is better," in response to others saying Mid's better.

 

A) No one ever even insinuated that you were the author of the rant.
B) Again no one said you worshipped the damn rant. Just that you thought it was funny enough to be posted.
C) People were just stating the fact that Mid's rant was better. They were perhaps informing you so you could read it.

BMM was right about most if not all of the points he made in his counter-rant post.

 

A) BlueMagikMarker wrote in terms addresing me as in: you not he or Kraken.

B) BlueMagikMarker broke it down in terms of a persuasive argument, thereby diminishing or outright rejecting it's comical value.

C) Believing one thing is better than another is not fact, but opinion by it's very nature. In his entire post there were no directions to Midknight's rant.

Because it is not a persuasive rant, but an amusing statement of an opinion, a counter is meaningless.

 

...
I quoted the author of the rant and addressed him directly, I hope this clears things up for you. And I'd appreciate it if you didn't count my post as meaningless as it did take longer than your average post to write. Also, the author of the rant stated that it was a rant and not an amusing statement of opinion. Believe it or not, the use of biting sarcasm usually indicates that one is indeed attempting to insult or cut down a subject. So you'll probably understand me when I say, "You're a genius Silver Peas. You'd have to be in order to fuck up so grandly." Thank you. Goodbye for now.

Edit: Just saw your new sig, seems to fit you perfectly from what I've seen so far.

 

You've got to be out of your mind to A)address me in such a manner, and B)Not have the slightest fucking clue what you're talking about, when you do aforementioned action A.

If I had any reason to think you were the author of the comments you linked, I'd of bashed you for being such a weak lil wuss that seems to be addicted to the book, by taking it easy on the bashing, instead of giving it the full monty it deserved.

 

To BlueMagikMarker:

I did miss that you were quoting Kraken. I did not mean your deconstruction was meaningless(it was well done). The rant was both amusing, sarcasm being a mode of humor, and a statement of opinion. A rant to me is many things, one being the raving of a strong opinion. Kraken was attempting to cut down OOTP and HPB. I was trying to write that the manner in which he was raving made counter rants moot, he was a man yelling from a rooftop, yelling back a counterargument seems sort of silly.

You, however, are correct. I should not have been so difficult or accusatory, my reply cannot be excused. The way I reacted to your post was stupid and childish. I am sorry.


To Midknight:

You were not being accused of stating that I am the author, nor of stating that it was more than a comic rant on the books. I was responding to you and BlueMagikMarker in the same post, I did not make that clear. I was completely wrong in in how I addressed you and even more so in how I took your comment.

The post you made was not addressed properly and was taken personally. I apologize as much as I can.



Neither of you should have been insulted by me. I am sorry.