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WIP Wind Shear by Chilord - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Peter North, Jun 3, 2017.

  1. Peter North

    Peter North Dark Lord

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    Title: Wind Shear

    Author: Chilord

    Rating: M

    Genre: Adventure/ Time travel

    Status: WIP

    Library Category: General

    Pairings: Harry/Bellatrix

    Summary: A sharp and sudden change that can have devastating effects. When a Harry Potter that didn't follow the path of the Epilogue finds himself suddenly thrown into 1970, he settles into a muggle pub to enjoy a nice drink and figure out what he should do with the situation. Naturally, things don't work out the way he intended.

    Link

    So far there are only two chapters, but I've read other stories from this author and have enjoyed them. So far the basics are that Harry has found himself in the past and wants to take down Voldemort early and of course he has just slaughtered a group of Death Eaters in training only to spare Bellatrix as a message.

    The writing is decent even if the beginning might feel similar to other time travel fics that are out there. All in all I'd give this fic 3/5 stars to begin with hopefully the fic will get better as time goes on.
     
  2. Methos

    Methos Seventh Year

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    Chilord already finished the fic
    Note: the other version that exists on other boards is the raw version, the one he is posting in FF.net has added materials, went through beta and got polished.
    I don't want to spoiler why this fic is going to be awesome, to merit 5/5.
    I will comment in few weeks when the entire fic is finished.
     
  3. Peter North

    Peter North Dark Lord

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    What is the link to the raw version?
     
  4. Plotless

    Plotless Professor

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    It's pretty good, though I won't give a rating based on 2 chapters. It needs a lot of editing though: the fic is SUPER repetitive.

    ....

    YES THESE PEOPLE ARE FROWNING I UNDERSTAND

    Also, the author uses the verb "stated" 58 times in chapter 2. It's super off-putting.

    ---------- Post automerged at 01:37 PM ---------- Previous post was at 01:32 PM ----------

    Also, feeling the need to explain everything is something I'm not a fan of.
     
  5. Donimo

    Donimo Seventh Year

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    The writing isn't good but I'm a sucker for '70s time travel fics. 2/5 and it could be bumped up to 3 if things get interesting.
     
  6. Dn18

    Dn18 Second Year

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  7. romeo

    romeo Squib

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    There are so many random fanfiction communities on the Internet I had no idea about. Spacebattles and now this.
     
  8. dhulli

    dhulli The Reborn

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    And for everyone who doesn't want to register, here's my temp account on the website:

    username: darklordginny
    pass: dhulliiscool
     
  9. Plotless

    Plotless Professor

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    Having finished it, my opinion of it has worsened.

    The overall fic is pretty bad, in my opinion. Characters feel simultaneously flat and badly characterised, which is quite the achievement and both Dumbledore and Voldemort are retarded which is a MAJOR peeve of mine.

    The writing is REALLY REALLY repetitive. I genuinely think "stated" is the most used word in this fic, and I counted a point where it was used six lines in a row. Why?

    This fic could probably lose half the wordcount and come out better for it by not explaining every damn thing every fucking time anything ever happens and leaving nothing to the reader.

    2/5
     
  10. blizzarrrd

    blizzarrrd Fourth Year

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    Just read the two chapters available on ffnet but I don't think I'll continue reading.
    What bothered me the most:

    - Harry kills the Death Eaters attacking the muggle pub. Moody arrives. He doubts Harry acted in self-defence. As proof, Harry offers his wand, Moody checks it and sees Harry didn't use any Dark Arts but "normal" spells in a creative way and lets Harry go.

    The fic gives the impression, that, had Harry used the Dark Arts to the same effect, it wouldn't count as self-defence, but as he didn't, everything his fine, even though the result is the same.

    To me that doesn't make any sense. Obviously Harry intended for his spells to kill. Either Moody thinks Harry acted in self-defence, or he doesn't. If he used Sectumsempra to kill them, or animated wooden splinters to rip them apart brutally, should be a secondary concern only after establishing if Harry was right to use deadly force in the first place.

    - Bellatrix's characterisation: She's been spoon fed pure-blood ideology since she was born, and was about to join Voldemort, yet one encounter with Harry and she's all "blood doesn't matter, only power" ?! In canon half-blood Harry Potter defeating the Dark Lord didn't make her question her beliefs one bit, and I don't see why she would change her tune so quickly here. I'm not saying it's impossible, especially as she is younger and less crazy in this fic, but it feels like the author didn't put any effort into her character development. He wanted her to have a certain POV, so he had her throw her whole belief-system overboard in the first chapter.

    - Harry kills the Death Eaters, and already people are talking about a third side in the war, and a "three way civil war". For now, he is one person, who stood up to the Death Eaters one time, without any support from the public, but of course, a "three way civil war" seems like the most logical assumption.

    - Storm Chaser
    It's a ridiculous name, and it's even more ridiculous that Harry chooses it for himself. But well... that might just be me.
     
  11. LORANT92

    LORANT92 Squib

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    Oh dear.

    I'd be willing to give it a few points for at least trying for something that's a slight bit less common than the usual guff, but there are so many common tropes shoved in there that the end result is less unique and more of a weird mishmash of generic 'Edgelord Harry versus incompetent Voldemort/DEs/Ministry/etc' stories out there.

    And apparently this is a polished, beta read version?

    2/5.
     
  12. Methos

    Methos Seventh Year

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    4th chapter is out.

    few notes:
    Voldemort,Ministry,DE aren't incompetent.
    More of Voldemort will come as the fic develop, and we yet to touch the Ministry.
    Regarding Bellatrix.
    She is obsessed with power, until her meeting with storm chaser, she saw it through Dark arts and Pureblood dogma.
    Harry brutally broke her world view, near death experience can do that., she is still bloodthirsty and want violence, just to methods to reach that changed.

    Regarding Harry, he went through harsh regime of training to reach where he is.
    Is more powerful than Dumbledore or Riddle, the answer is no.
    (Which will be touched as the fic progress).

    Wizardry world isn't the mudane world.
    You get attacked you can kill your attackers.
    Harry pointed out to Moody, that his attackers were dangerous enough that he couldn't subdue them.
    Moody could only touch him if he practiced what the Ministry defined as Dark Arts, which part of what infuriate some of the "Dark" families


    The name storm Chaser, is ridiculous, Harry already regretted on giving that idiotic name, which will hunt him through the fic.
     
  13. James

    James Professor

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    I've read the full forum version.

    It gets 3/5 from me, and I'm sad to give it only 3, because I really wanted to love it. It started great - the first fight was already head and shoulders above the standard fare of google piglatin and dodging color lights: whisky+incendio, simple mass charms, and a little transfiguration and it had that visceral feel of really fast paced action.

    But, then, it has so many negatives:
    - shitty politics ("third side of civil war" in like third paragraph)
    - idiotic 'huh muggles don't wear long heavy skirts anymore' interlude
    - couple of weaker fights
    - weird pacing (it felt as if it ended in the wrong place. Not sure if too soon or too late)
     
  14. Snapdragon

    Snapdragon Seventh Year

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    Even despite the story's generic problems like the stilted dialogues and certain tropes I enjoyed a few witty scenes and the magical battle is actually really well written and creative. I give it a 3/5 but it depends on somebody's dislikes.

    I'm now checking the writer's other stories and have a nice time with "In the Jack's Eye" which follows the known curse breaker adventure with Bill trope. Quite entertaining so far.
     
    Last edited: Jun 7, 2017
  15. Heather_Sinclair

    Heather_Sinclair Minister of Magic

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    This summed it up exactly.

    The ending just pounced out of nowhere. It almost seemed as if he got bored writing it and said, "Fuck it. One more battle scene and I'm done... uh, maybe a quick Seven Years Later scene too. Okay, I'm done."

    One thing of note is the adults (Harry, the Blacks, Potter, and Dumbledore) all have the same voice. It's really weird and annoying in some instances. Hopefully that's one of the things he fixes in the edited version.

    It was something a little different to read and better than most of the Indie!Harry vs. Evil!Dumbledore dreck offered these days.

    The raw version is a firm 2/5. Hopefully, the final version is better.
     
  16. AmishGoat

    AmishGoat Squib

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    Having finished the entire thing, I kind of wish that I hadn't. Decent start - there is little of that "woe is me, this is the past" self pitying crap that seems to be prevalent in time travel stories. The grammar isn't too bad; it didn't really detract from the story for me.

    Ending however is rushed and unsatisfactory, definitely lost a point there. Dumbledore is not quite properly done either, its not bashing but it did come off a little odd.

    Overall I'd probably say this is a 3/5. Not really library worthy, but definitely Almost Recommended territory.
     
  17. Skykes

    Skykes Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    I don't think it's fair to judge it on the raw version, from what I can see the author is making heavy edits to improve the ff.net version. 3.5/5 for me(rounded up to 4).
     
  18. The.Snorting.Hat

    The.Snorting.Hat Second Year

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    I've read Chilord's fics before. I hope he cleans this one up good when he's posting it on ffnet. The raw version suffers from the first-draft syndrome.

    Despite all its faults, it has an engaging plot. That's all it really needs to keep me reading.

    So far 3/5.
     
  19. Researcher

    Researcher Second Year

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    I got several problems with this fic.

    * Dumbledore bashing. Enough said.
    * Shitty politics.
    * Harry being on Voldemorts level. Like no.

    I would really like this story to be good, but I've to give it 2/5.
     
  20. Methos

    Methos Seventh Year

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    I don't get the people issues with Dumbledore.
    He isn't bashed, Dumbledore portrayal and character is explored, more in the coming chapter.
    So If Dumbledore isn't the all knowing all wise, character he is bashed?

    What politics are there in this fic, a society where the strongest are the ruling class.
    As the Black knew until Harry appearance there are two what they describe Lord level wizards in Britain, Dumbledore, and the up and coming Voldemort.
    Being a Lord level, mean you can wipe the floor with the others.
    You don't need others to back you up, you are on your own a power to be considerate.
    Now suddenly appears a third Lord, who butchered Voldemort supporters, which put him against Voldemort and his methods will put Dumbledore against him.
    Since they are immediately jump to conclusion everyone want power, they assume this Storm Chaser will create a third party, which mean 3 way civil war.
    Note it was the Black who made that comment.
    As far as we see, Harry has no interest in politics it was one sole comment and everyone jump on the shitty politics.

    What worse is that they don't give the author a chance to solve the various issues previous chapters presented, since the author posting 2 ch per week, you won't have to wait long for this to be resolved.

    In addition Harry being on Voldemort level or not, is resolved and explained through the fic.
    Same for Harry being on Dumbledore level.

    2/5 mean it is trash level, which the story clearly isn't.
     
    Last edited: Jun 8, 2017
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