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WIP WIP - Dodging Prison and Stealing Witches - Revenge is Best Served Raw

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by froper98, Mar 31, 2017.

  1. froper98

    froper98 Squib

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    Title: WIP - Dodging Prison and Stealing Witches - Revenge is Best Served Raw

    Author:LeadVonE

    Rating: Rated M

    Genre: Adventure/Romance

    Status: WIP

    Library Category: Romance

    Pairings: Harry P., Hermione G., Daphne G., Ginny W, OC, Luna L
    Summary:Harry Potter has been banged up for ten years in the hellhole brig of Azkaban for a crime he didn't commit, and his traitorous brother, the not-really-boy-who-lived, has royally messed things up. After meeting Fate and Death, Harry is given a second chance to squash Voldemort, dodge a thousand years in prison, and snatch everything his hated brother holds dear.

    Link:https://www.fanfiction.net/s/115745...d-Stealing-Witches-Revenge-is-Best-Served-Raw

    The fanfiction starts with Harry in Azkaban, then Fate and Death intervene and sends him back in time, to save the world. The story progresses well, with a powerful Harry, but he is powerful in moderation with everyone else being more powerful as well. You have Dumbledore being manipulative, but the author is taking his time and seems to be making sure that Dumbledore is still really Powerful.

    The story overall takes several cliches, and formulates them into a great story, the chapters are a decent lenght, and he takes time to explore other characters he has introduced and gives us an idea of who they are. :fire

    There is decent characterization and despite the complicated plot and some points that mess with you head and being rather unrealisictic, I would still give it a 4/5 stars.
     
  2. Donimo

    Donimo Seventh Year

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    I'll give it a 3/5. This is a really awful fic in so many ways. Yet every time it updates I get a bit excited.
     
  3. vlad

    vlad Groundskeeper Prestige

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    Things that should be terrible but actually come off pretty lulz:

    Twin boy-who-lived (Harry) dumped with Dursleys but Dumbledore covering his ass with a fake prophesy and who knows what else.

    The magical trunk that Harry treats like a useful tool, not a permanent residence.

    Harry/harem that is obviously coming but makes a solid effort of defining characters, and is happily moving a plot with this as more of a bonus to be had in the future than a central feature. Also, a harem formed out of spite.

    1st year politics that has students forming friendships/alliances across House lines.

    Ginny and the Twins vs. Rest of Weasleys because Harry goes balls-to-the-wall to bribe them.

    Harry-is-Voldemort or so Malfoy Sr. is lead to believe. Twice.

    A Slytherin Manor that again, is explicitly serving a purpose.

    When in doubt, fidelius charm used by everyone that can accomplish it.

    Smart!One-step-ahead!Harry who isn't as smart or as ahead as he thinks he is. Spends large part of the year chasing a fake philosopher's stone, for instance. Is currently in serious debt.

    Light, Gray, Dark sides that despite the cheesy names, actually do a decent job of playing off a power struggle.

    Time travelers who fuck up.

    Complex plots that backfire or result in situations the plotter didn't foresee and so can't take advantage of.

    It's a romp. The prose is good enough and there's some real gems from time to time. The tropes are all there but some are lampshaded, and even when it's played straight (most of the time), the author has had the courtesy to at least think through what's going on, and come up with a valid scenario. Even if at times it's a bit retarded.

    The author is at least making an attempt to up everyone else's power level in the face of super!Harry - although when fate and fortune step in it's always thus far in the direction of team Harry when shit is well and truly on the line. Harry's inner circle is too OP, particularly the Ginny/Alexandra/Luna level. Any other time I would say the Granger Parent involvement is utterly retarded, but for some reason... I'm willing to suspect my disbelief here. You just have to start reading and roll with it, tbh. Power levels and useful muggles and all.

    The magical theory is a bit clunky, and it doesn't help when he tries to use quantifiable units (and metric scientific units at that - ewwww gross) to create a magical 'scientific' system. Magical trunks were old in 2010. But it's the first story I've seen explain - and not uninterestedly - how the fuck the Hogwarts Express can basically cut Britain in two and nobody notice. Author uses the fidelius a lot (which fuck, if you knew it, you would), but he gives it loopholes, some which Harry discovers the hard way. I like the idea any given spell having counters, so this was good. Luna having familial bloodmagic that protected her pudding was cheesy, but I enjoyed it.

    Characterization is for the most part pretty good. The OCs (Alexandra Black, Granger parents) are not awful. I found Hermione believable given the backstory. Daphne isn't an ice queen. Tracey isn't class clown. Luna's characterization is off but has its moments and didn't break the story for me, and Ginny isn't terrible, though far and away the most OOC and at best, meh. WBWL is obviously the bad guy, but he's not a total fuckup morally or materially.

    Author has his tism moments. He insists on giving you the price in pound sterling in parenthesis whenever Harry buys anything, and telling you in notes that prices are based on 199X, and will adjust over time for inflation. Nobody gives a fuck. This sort of thing happens from time to time, but it's not breaking.

    I'm giving it 3.5, rounded up. It's definitely guilty pleasure tier fanfic, but enough that I can justify arguing for its inclusion in the library, even if I'm admittedly stretching.
     
    Last edited: Mar 31, 2017
  4. invinoveri

    invinoveri Third Year

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    I liked when Harry became a drug smuggler. Everything else was terrible.
     
  5. Anarchy

    Anarchy Totally Sirius DLP Supporter

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    I've seen this posted probably 100 times on Reddit, and I really don't see what people see in it. It's... fine.
     
  6. Jarizok

    Jarizok Groundskeeper

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    This is one of the few stories currently updating that I read every new chapter of asap. It doesn't take itself too seriously (just look at the title) and just rolls with all the clichés, but it has its original twists and the characters are just fun, if lame in their pining for Harry.

    It's just a solid, fun story. 4/5.
     
  7. Chadrew

    Chadrew Second Year

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    A rare case of a harem done right. The side characters get plenty of screen time, and and Harry doesn't just steamroll the opposition. Some interesting shenanigans with the Fidelius too.

    Something that bothered me is

    Ginny taking a potion that made her hate Harry's brother. It's both disturbing and an easy way out.

    Other than that, highly enjoyable. 4/5
     
  8. KingRoger

    KingRoger Second Year

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    How can you think it's not taking itself seriously? The author constantly converts galleons to pounds for the reader, which means every page is full of ANs, they had entire pages discussing the maths behind Merlins and Flamelates, thinking that 1) it would be interesting, and 2) that it was a good idea to name magical units after wizards who are named frequently in the story anyway.
    This is clearly the work of someone who wanted to show everyone how they smart they are, but also wanted to write something to eventually fap to.

    It's an okay overall idea, but it drags on so much that I've skipped several entire chapters trying to get to something actually happening. There are so many things that are so unnecessary to the plot that it feels like the random thoughts of the author with a plot thrown in to try and convince people to read it.
    If I find myself actively trying to find plot, then it's no good. 2/5.
     
  9. CrackedMind

    CrackedMind Death Eater

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    I honestly only clicked on this link because the title reminded me (and made me hope) that this was one long extended joke about Harry seducing an enemy and then leaving them with some unwanted baggage that'll appear in nine months.

    So while slightly disappointed at the lack of such a crack fic existing, I'll still give this fic a try.
     
  10. Dicra

    Dicra Groundskeeper

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    So you have a magical system with endless possibilities, wondrous feats of all kinds can be accomplished with it.
    And the first thing you do is measure it in nonsensical numbers, because obviously nothing is more magical and awe-inspiring than maths.

    That alone is almost a reason to nope outta here, but as there are things actually quite well done, I'll keep reading for now. The very definition of guilty pleasure/5

    EDIT: Yay. Muggle weapons. Not wrong as in "it doesn't make sense", but it still doesn't fit.
     
    Last edited: Apr 7, 2017
  11. Jon

    Jon The Demon Mayor Admin DLP Supporter

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    I also suspect your disbelief. Very suspicious.
     
  12. Dicra

    Dicra Groundskeeper

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    Well, I didn't notice the following issue that much in the beginning but, man, does it become apparent later. I don't think this is harem done right. This is just a perfect example why harem stories don't work. Every single part of the harem needs extensive development, their own character arcs (especially Training, with a capital "T" because it's such a far too big part of the story) and the author delivers in that regard, but the story simply gets too long because of that. I mainly want to read about Lord Slytherin/Harry and him navigating everything and I only get that every 15k words - if I'm lucky.
    Reminds me a bit of the problems The Sinister Man's Harry Potter and the Prince of Slytherin has in terms of pacing, but this story neither has as good writing nor as brilliant ideas to make up for it (nor, let's face it, nearly as well thought out plot).
     
  13. KingRoger

    KingRoger Second Year

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    It's strange that for a fic specifically focused around having an all-powerful Harry with a harem, it's the harem and his being all powerful that hold it back from being any good.
     
  14. vlad

    vlad Groundskeeper Prestige

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    You're not wrong.

    It picks up when they get to school and Daphne & Hermione subplots become pretty much the same thing.

    Since Ginny was pure spite (not a witch that he knew would be of any use in the future, which is supposed to be his logic for selecting them), he should have just fed her the hate potion and been done with it to spite his brother. Ginny fills no strategic niche and so just distracts from the main storylines.

    The consort contract with Luna should never have happened and she should have been second-tier supporting character. Which, if Ginny were removed, would have happened anyway...

    That would have left DG, Hr, OC!Black, all with distinct social and strategic purposes while still allowing gratuitous wmnz.

    That would do wonders to tighten the storyine.

    On the other hand, reviews have been full of people demanding Tonks and Fleur be added, because five is never enough (and to the author's credit, he has thus far indicated resistance. Now they want
    OC Muggleborn kidnapped to house diary horcrux
    to one day join the group, so clearly the plebs demand moar. Guy clearly knows his audience, so credit where credit's due.

    And at the end of the day, I admit I'm enjoying it.
     
  15. Donimo

    Donimo Seventh Year

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    If you're going to have a gratuitous harem there should definitely be 7 women. It is after all a powerful magic number.
     
  16. vlad

    vlad Groundskeeper Prestige

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    Indeed. Six for the normal wear-and-tear and one for Sunday best.
     
  17. Sey

    Sey Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    ... Or have some standards and don't write harems. Its not like the average harem fan has the most sophisticated tastes. They would rather read some wish fulfillment mess then a well planned and executed story.

    Rating: 2/5. It's not awful, but I have a strong dislike of harem so the rating for me starts -1 because of that.
     
  18. phazer11

    phazer11 Third Year

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    This would definitely be a lot better without the harem element and other fanservice, which the author puts too much time into detracting from the whole, but it's decent enough that I'll check when it updates, full bore guilty pleasure. I agree with pretty much all of Dicra and vlad's comments.
     
  19. morningbeauvoir

    morningbeauvoir First Year

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    Not to mention that on top of everything else, from the long harem subplots, to the wrong!bwl stuff, and on to manipulative!Dumbledore, this story has the most overly complicated time travel I've seen since Backwards With Purpose.

    And yet, like Vlad, I kind of like it. I read every chapter as it's released, though that's more to do with the HP fanfiction scene right now than anything else.

    3/5 for me, mostly because of how young the characters are supposed to be, and the Occulumency mechanic.
     
  20. Caledfwlch

    Caledfwlch Sixth Year DLP Supporter

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    That's actually canon.
    As for the story itself: while the five women in the harem are fleshed out and have their own arcs which is a step in the right direction, they literally exist for the sole purpose of being accessories. Powerful and beautiful accessories that have no other serious goals in their lives than to love and be loved by Harry.

    Having said that, I still read all the chapters so 3/5.
     
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