Title: World in Pieces
Author: Lomonaaeren
Rating: M
Genre: Angst/Adventure
Status: WIP
Library Category: The Alternates
Pairings: None.
Summary: AU after the last chapter of DH. Harry gets pulled into another universe to deal with the problem of Voldemort there. But that is not the worst thing that could happen. Mostly gen, with Snape mentoring Harry.
Link: FFN

Don't let the author or summary turn you off this fic. It's a pretty good take on Harry getting pulled into an alternate universe unwillingly.

Characterizations are overall good, Harry's and Snape's being fleshed out the most with some others being skimmed over a bit. Having a sane and powerful Voldemort in particular is fairly refreshing.

Magic is pretty well-extrapolated from the HP system.

Not much angst despite the genre, and while a prior slash relationship is a minor recurring theme, it's not really bothersome. The single major problem with this fic is the author's tendency to "tell" through exposition and narration instead of showing, but I still feel it's library worthy.

 

As of three chapters in... this is fucking retarded. - EDIT: Having finished, I still maintain that it's pretty retarded.

My biggest problem with this fic is Harry's lack of reaction to anything.

"The fuck?" is his biggest reaction to being ripped across dimensions and coming face to face with dead friends and enemies only hours after defeating the Voldemort of his world. He should be exhausted, but more than that, he should be fucking livid.

I know that we often look for our own personalities in the characters we're reading about, but I'm pretty sure everyone, including canon!Harry would be pissed at the situation he finds himself in here. You have to wait until around chapter 6 for Harry to actually have some sort of reaction.

Spoiler

Of course we only really get this reaction after Voldemort uses a spell to directly affect and change Harry's mind.

Agreed on both counts. As much as Harry is shying away from it, there's a definite slash-in-the-making vibe going on. In every scene with interaction between Harry and Malfoy you get the feeling that at any moment Malfoy could drop to his knees and start trying to suck Harry's dick. Fuck that noise.

My suspicion in regards to slash is only compounded by the path the author is taking, as well as the relationships that are forming. Harry has separated himself completely from everyone but Malfoy and Snape. His interaction with Malfoy is stunted, awkward, and frankly painful to read, while his conversations with Snape are just as awkward and stunted but with the obvious goal of appearing to be... cunning! Apart from those two, Harry has only had a few random conversations that take up less than ten lines of total dialogue. With no other potential love interests after 8 chapters, I'm putting my money on either no-romance, Harry giving in and comforting Malfoy, or finding a creepy and all sorts of wrong kind of comfort from his oh-so-cunning mentor Snape.

Apart from my complaints above, the story really isn't awful. There's possibility here if only the author can get past his/her slash preoccupation and focus instead on writing a great story, one where the primary focus isn't "How can I get these two to fuck, despite having shown nothing but utter loathing towards one another, and absolutely no homosexual inclination in 7 books?"

By the way, when I say slash preoccupation, I mean it. These are the FIRST things you see in the descriptions of the first 13 of the author's stories.

HPDM
HPDM preslash
SSHPDM
The story currently being reviewed here.
HPDM slash
HPDM slash
AU, HPDM pre-slash
HPDM slash
HPDM
HPDM slash
Preslash, HPDM
Lucius curses Harry and Draco to a forced marriage
HPDM preslash

I really don't think I need to go on any further than that.

Score may raise or lower depending on the future, but for now...

2/5

EDIT the third: Also, I find it funny that "Hermione", "Dumbledore", and "Voldemort" are all typed frequently enough by me that I've added them to my dictionary, while "Malfoy" and "Snape" still have that squiggly red line under them.

 

Too much slash coming at you sideways for me to properly enjoy things. Has the potential to be good, but I just can't enjoy it thoroughly what with having to scroll past the irritating parts.

Complete lack of reaction on Harry's part to finding out that his alter was in a relationship with Malfoy suggests that author is a slash writer and sees this as normal, although I haven't checked out their profile. Doesn't bode well for the rest of the story if the author can't treat their Harry like canon Harry despite lifting him directly from DH Chapter 18.

Also, way too much tell. Apparently Voldemort in this one is sane and rational, but aside from a different appearance you couldn't tell his actions from an 'insane' one.

2/5.

 

The version of Harry in the other universe killed himself out of fear and despair. LOL. I LOVE the doubtlessly unintentional dig at gay!Malfoy-loving!Harry as being such a complete and utter pussy that he had to commit suicide.

Golden moment.

The actual "universe-hopping" mechanism is unbelievably weak. Harry falls asleep and wakes up in the other universe?

No real effort is being made by the author.

 

I loled when I saw the author: Lomonaaeren is an extremely prolific, mediocre author with rare moments of brilliance. This story isn't one of them.

The plot is irritatingly lacking, but the story is only eight chapters long and shows all the signs of being dragged out forever while Harry kills Voldemort, makes up with Malfoy, makes Snape sappy, and deals with all the hundreds of pages of imminent emotional drama where all the characters have insipid internal monologues about their feelings.

On the plus side, it's technically readable.

2/5 for now with potential for less later on.

 

The premise itself has a lot of potential, but I can't recall a single author who actually pulled it off.

Lomonaaeren tries to cover a lot of problems I expect to arise, but it's done half heartedly. Harry realises almost at once that he is not much more than a tool, a weapon to be used and to be replaced if he fails. Nevertheless he agrees to fight for this world way too fast.

The inmates of this dimension are torn between their feelings for their Harry and using the tool they just summoned. It's ok that it's actually Snape who cares the most, but the way it is written, especially Snape's internal monologues and frequent switching between point of views, doesn't flow.

The scenes with Draco are pointing towards upcoming HP/DM. Canon!Harry would have started cursing him the moment Draco approached him - or at least threatened to curse him.

A sane and competent Voldemort is the best part of this fic. It's not just the "do it again", but Harry has to deal with an entirely new enemy. The reanimated falcon, the encounter with Voldemort, the attempt at spying using the patronus were almost good. But even these scenes leave a bad vibe: Puppy-eyed Draco is too much to stomach, and using the patroni to actually cause damages is overdone.

2 / 5