Thank you, and sweet dreams.

Er...maybe I should go add that, but the reason he can cast Tectar Crucio is because the wards are down. he couldn't do that on Hogwarts or anywhere else without the wards being down. If he did he'd get knocked out.

I think I'll go add that now...

 

Good morning .

Ok, the wards are down, so now it makes sense.
By the way, you sure about the incantation of Tectar Crucio? I'm not sure what Tectar is in Latin, as my own Latin is horrible, but judging by this website = bury, conceal? I guess the bury would make sense.
Anyhow, I liked the characterisation of Dumbledore. What he was saying was very -ah- Dumbledoreish, although I'm not too sure about the "not attacking first" thing. I can't really remember how he fought at the end of OotP, other than the fact he used a lot of Transfiguration and Animation.

Voldemort was done well, its good that you gave him some depth. Far too many fics just have Voldemort sitting alone in a big chamber, being brought news by Wormtail and randomly torturing him.
It'll be interesting to see how Dumbledore gets out of that situation (assuming you aren't going to kill him off, of course) and I'm looking forward to Harry appearing soon.
I don't think there were many typo's, but I picked up on "A shrill, screaming alarm caused Auror Shaklebolt to leap" Shacklebolt.
Keep up the good work. Have you outlined/planned/started the next chapter?

Oh, by the way, in your Work by Author thread, you might want to add a link to either here or a new thread, for feedback. People generally don't post in the WbA threads, since thats usually just for the story. Since you haven't added a link, you're getting reads but no reviews.

 

Great chapter so far. I liked the way how you described the attack. As i told jbern, most stories have an auror or order member just come bursting into the room and screaming "azkaban's been taken." The scene with Bellatrix killing the prison guard was interesting and amusing enough. Dumbledore and Voldemort were in character though i just don't see Dumbles getting that distracted in battle, especially when the ones he's duelling is Voldemort. The fonts you use are also quite good, especially the headers.

Link the story to one of the archives. I don't really know what genre this story is, since harry's character still hasn't been shown so I'll leave it up to you.

 

Thank you for your input. I plan on putting this on ff.net after I fix it up some more, of course, I'll fix it here first though. You suggestions help me get everyone in character.

I had the thought that if the piece of land your standing on shakes for what seems to be no apparant reason it would distract anyone. Dumbledore's confidence also chipped into that distraction, his arrogance if you will. This story will not be a good Dumbledore by the time we get futher on. I put hints of that in with Dumbledore's dialogue.

I'll probably want to add some more about that to make that more apparent...

Thank you for your imput. When people point out things that don' t make sense, that helps me out a lot.

 

That makes sense. FF.net gives you a much higher reader base, so its a good idea to fix it up here first.
I suppose Dumbledore would be distracted by the ground shaking. I guess I'm just too used to Dumbledore being an all-knowing, practically all-powerful man for him to be beaten by Tom. I've never really seen Dumbledore as having too much confidence before - but perhaps he's just gotten too used to being right and in power.

So, whats happening with the second chapter? Any ideas need finetuning?

 

Correct on the spot, my friend. Dumbledore's not a goody goody, when no one important is looking he's an arrogant jerk.

In chapter two, I plan on moving over to Harry. Yes, there will be a bit of grief over Siruis, but just enough to smack Harry upside the head with the Reality Stick. He will proceed to seriously consider the war with Lord Voldemort, try and figure out a way to use his resources effectivly.

There will also be a letter instructing not to leave the Dursley's, a newspaperclipping of the Azkaban attack by the Daily Prophet attached, but instead it says that he will be visiting the "Doghouse" for the rest of the summer starting tommorrow.

Insert Chapter Divider Here

Next, he goes to Grimmauld Palace, whereupon asking why he was rushed over so fast, discovers that Dumbledore is out of action for at least a few days, recovering from his duel with the Dark Lord (lots of rubble breaks bones, but knocks a person out if it doesn't kill them *wink wink*).

Knowing that he could go right under Dumbledore's nose with this, not having to deal with "It's not safe" and "You must stay here" crap, he proceeds to write Fudge the all-important "Can I buy Azkaban?" letter.

That's pretty much all that goes down in chapter two so far that I have planned.

 

Great.
In the letter that tells him not to leave, don't make it sound too high and mighty.
I've seen far too many fics where its like

Harry,
I forbid you to leave the house, or send any mail to your friends. We will come and pick up on the 25th of August.

Albus Dumbledore.

If Harry was angry before, he was seething now! How dare they...
The Order/Dumbledore simply don't do that, and they characterise them wrong in an attempt to justify whatever Harry has been doing/will do.
The 'Doghouse' thing is very cool. Never would have thought of that.
The recovering Dumbledore thing is good, and I'll be interested to see how Harry comes to the idea of actually buying Azkaban. Random idea or long-thought out plan?
Keep it up.

EDIT: By the way, how is he going to build it into a training ground/facility/ home for quite a few people? Goblins?
Perhaps you've already said, I haven't the best memory.

 

I apologize for not updating the story at this time. It will be updated next week.

For those of you who are curious on why...

I am in a production of West Side Story in my Highschool and it is taking up all my time as the show has been rehearsing most of my Spring Break (last week) and it is now open to the public since last Wednsday.

Thank you for your patience.