Imagine magic was real and they informed you you could also be a wizard/witch but you have to have sex with Snape?

 

As an ex-hooker, the price must be right.

 

Who's pitching?

 

Nah, I'm already a grand wizard.

 

Kay...

Do we both get obliviated afterward?
Does everyone involved get obliviated afterward?
Will he bathe first?
In bleach?
Will he wear a bag over his head?
Both of them?
Can it be phone sex?
With a voice modulator?

These are deal-breakers.

 

No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.
No.

 

How did you know what I'd be saying the whole time?

Hmm... but could I kill him afterward?

When I find out which sick bastard proposed this idea... Oh, God, I'm afraid to ask the 'Is it mandatory to finish inside, is that how the magic happens?' question.

:fire

 

If I told you I'd have to kill you.

 

Yes. I'm going to want some sort of binding guarantee, but hell yes.

Are you kidding me? If I get fucking magic out of this arrangement I'll wear a red wig and tell him how big his cock is while I'm at it.

 

I would do a lot worse things for magic...so yes.