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Abandoned Young Again: The Rewrite by Taliath - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by nonjon, Apr 25, 2006.

  1. liath

    liath Seventh Year

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    Hey, everyone!

    Just wanted to give you a heads up that part of the next chapter, 'Tis Midnight, is posted on my LJ. I know there's been a distinct lack of updates from me for nearly a month, now, but I'm back!

    The posted part is about 6,700 words long, and I have about 4,000 more to go. I'm terribly hoping to finish it by tomorrow.

    If you have any comments, things that you think should be different about it, feel free to post it here. Think of my post as a rough draft, if you will. Just be a little bit nice about it? ^^

    Anywho, here's the link: http://allizarin.livejournal.com/

    Have fun!

    Comments always welcome,
    Taliath

    (Edit: http://allizarin.livejournal.com/4683.html is a more direct link!)
     
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2006
  2. LT2000

    LT2000 Heir

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    It's a bit better BECAUSE it's not H/Hr. Word.
     
  3. arkeus

    arkeus Seventh Year

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    ah, but i have been spoiled by good hhr fics, so i am biased toward hermione and my selective memory makes me like her character :)
     
  4. digitalstorm

    digitalstorm Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Damn liath I can barely wait for the full chapter. Simply incredible.
     
  5. CGB

    CGB Auror

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    Great first part of the chapter. The fight scene was great, although Tommy's monologue was a bit long. Nevertheless great.
     
  6. i think this is a really excellent story, i havent seen one like this in a long time. it has some very original stuff in it. last chapter was great, i read it when it came up in FF.Net, cant wait for the next chapter.
     
  7. liath

    liath Seventh Year

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    I've drawn up a very brief outline of the past two years that led up to Harry time-travelling back. I hope it sounds plausible:

    1996, May/June
    --Dumbledore dies

    1996, Summer
    -- Harry goes to Godric's Hollow
    -- Voldemort steps up the pace, begins to take the Wizengamot apart, striking at its most prominent members
    -- Ministry declares State of Emergency. All ex-Aurors are called back, and the Aurors begin taking in a larger number of young men and women into their program
    -- Hogwarts will remain open, declaration
    -- Kingsley and Moody decide Harry needs training (but Harry will NOT be all-powerful!)
    -- The Ministry "graciously" offers their best trainers to "prepare the Boy Who Lived." Harry accepts reluctantly.

    1996, Fall
    -- The Prime Minister of Muggle Britain is assassinated. (Kingsley is murdered.) An attempt also on the life of Minister Scrimgeour. Panic spreads.
    -- LV attacks Hogwarts Express. The train is destroyed. The railroad is obliterated. Children are safe, however, as they were Portkeyed en mass to Hogsmeade.
    -- First Dementor attack on Diagon Alley. Muggle town torn apart by giants, werewolves and vampires.
    -- Harry goes to Grimmauld Place and looks for locket, but does not find it.
    -- anonymous letter warning that Hogsmeade will be raided during students’ visit there. Harry’s first battle.
    -- the school locked up even more. McGonagall asks Harry to join Order. He accepts.
    -- Halloween: a small Muggle town is spelled shut. Every male, female, adult, child is starved to death. They’re cries for help can be heard, but no one can get through the magical wall enclosing the town. All the food is spoiled, and no water. Even after all is dead, the wall was still in place—can’t be cleaned up. The stink of dead flesh surrounds the whole area. Thousands have died through this.
    -- Harry’s training continue, as does his search for Horcruxes. He decides he needs to kidnap Mungdungus (sp?) the Order thief.

    1996, Winter
    -- with help of Twins, Harry manages to trap Order thief. Gets information, connections to the darker side of the law. Finally knows how to crack Knockturn Alley.
    -- second Diagon Alley raid. This time there is one message LV wants out: “Hand over Potter, or you shall enjoy a very red Christmas.” Red=blood.
    -- one of Harry’s trainer’s tries to kidnap Harry. Almost succeeds.
    -- Harry goes to Hogwarts and enjoys some time with his friends.
    -- Ministry on high alert throughout Christmas Day. Then they learn that a whole Muggle city had been poisoned—poisoned with a potion that is undetectable. Harry assumes Snape responsible. Potion forces blood to seep out of skin. Very red Christmas, indeed.

    1997, Winter/Spring
    -- LV’s spies in the Ministry itself begin to cause havoc. Important documents go missing, papers are filed to wrong places. A multitude of small errors here and there causing an overall messiness. Too hidden to be rooted out.
    -- Second anonymous letter to Harry. Warns of the Floo network. LV’s gonna try to bring it down.
    -- Harry manages to track down the cup of Hufflepuff. It is located within the Department of Mysteries. Now he needs to find a way to get rid of it.
    -- the Ministry War Council is formed, Harry is “cordially” invited to attend its first meeting by the Minister. Harry accepts.

    1997, late Spring
    -- The Floo network is destroyed. LV obliterated the core foundation of the network.
    -- One of Ministry’s spies located the Riddle Mansion. War Council appoints Auror Moody and a team of one hundred Aurors to raid said location. Harry goes as well. First offensive strike by the Light side—which is victorious. Harry kills Nagini.
    -- LV retaliates the attack by setting Dementors loose in Hogsmeade—while simultaneously allowing Giants to ravage London.

    1997, Summer
    -- Hermione and Ron are finally finished with Hogwarts. Their parents had forced them to attend. Hermione, however, suspiciously declines Harry’s offer to join him on his quest for the Horcruxes. Says she has a very important Order project to work on with McGonagall.
    -- Third anonymous letter. Points out that Pettigrew may know the location of the locket. Harry and Ron, and Ginny, plan a trap for the rat. What does it involve? Not too sure yet.
    -- Neville joins Auror training program.
    -- Luna does to work in the Department of Mysteries. It is she who researches the mysteriously locked door.
    -- July 31, 1997: Lord Voldemort wishes Harry Potter a happy birthday by releasing a magical disease that is very contagious. Makes all Muggles impotent. Basically makes Muggles unable to bear any more children. No cure.
    -- Harry manages to capture Wormtail. Milk him for information. Find out that every memory concerning the locket has been locked away by a powerful Legilimens. Harry can’t break it. Obviously LV does not want information to be out.
    -- using information Harry obtained from the rat, the Ministry War Council manages to snag the spies within the Ministry. But too much damage was done. The Ministry is in a complete chaotic mess. Wormtail escapes.
    -- August 4: Minister Scrimgeour is assassinated. Panic and confusion ensues. The War Council takes leadership of the Ministry.
    -- An Order meeting: decision is made. Hogwarts would open its doors as Sanctuary to all who wish safety from Lord Voldemort. Governors be damned.
    -- Muggleborns especially are requested to accept sanctuary. Order members are sent in pairs to all registered families.
    -- Harry deals with the War Council. Aurors will be sent to Hogsmeade and Hogwarts.
    -- Lord Voldemort attacks Hogsmeade with vampires and werewolves as decoy, drawing Aurors to the village. However, he in truth ravages through Diagon Alley a third and final time. Nothing is left standing. Voldemort actually spells Gringotts to collapse in on itself. One message left: “Next is the Ministry, then is Hogwarts.” Hagrid beaten to death by giants at Hogsmeade.
    -- fourth anonymous letter. Vampires are disgruntled at being used as cannon fodder—use it to Harry’s advantage.

    1997, Fall
    -- Hogwarts is no longer a school. Traditional classes are no longer held. Instead, everyone is trained.
    -- The War Council is taking Voldemort’s warning seriously. The Ministry is being spelled into a magical fortress. Lord Voldemort will have a hard time cracking it.
    -- But nothing is impossible for LV. Five hundred Muggle children under the Imperious march to the Ministry, and the Death Eaters use them as human shields. “Lower your wards, drop your shields, or these children will die slow and painful deaths.” No choice. The War Council convenes quickly—nearly everyone wants to drop the shields: after all, can’t let children die. Harry disagrees. Children would die anyway—LV would not let them go. And there is no way to save the children. With great reluctance it is decided. The wards protecting the Ministry would stand.
    -- Harry, however, knows it is his fault. He decides to grant the children mercy killing. With Ron and Neville, and Ginny, Harry goes out at night to kill every single Muggle child as gently as possible. However, that is when Harry learns of a great betrayal. Aurthur Weasley was unwilling to allow children to die. The man had sent out an earlier message, asking if LV was really willing to let the children go if the wards were dropped. LV, of course, replied he would. Aurthur Weasley then bargained for the lives of everyone in the Ministry. LV agreed that not everyone would be killed. Not at all—after all, who would be left to be ruled if everyone was slaughtered? The man then lowered the wards.
    -- Harry tried to stop LV’s army, sounding the alarms. Big battle happens. Harry and LV fight great duel. LV manages to steal full Prophecy from his mind. Suddenly the Dark Lord retreats, unwilling to fight Harry. But that doesn’t matter. The battle is already lost. Everyone who could has already retreated to Hogwarts. Ginny Weasley, however, did not. (she died)
    -- fifth anonymous letter. Reprimands Harry for not contacting the vampires yet, nor the werewolves. Harry finally tries to contact them in desperation. Vampires give Harry the locket—found it in a Muggle pawnshop.
    -- Harry and Ron and Neville leave to meet them. LV lays siege to Hogwarts
    -- Halloween: the Shield of Scathach destroys Hogwarts wards. Seven days of fighting.
    -- Harry arrives, and forces LV to retreat
    -- the dead are given to Vampires
    -- Hermione tells Order that project failed
    -- what’s left of the War Council merges with the leaders of the Order. The Executive Committee is formed. Warders and Cursebreakers join in effort to recreate wards of Hogwarts. However, Hogwarts herself is already starting to rebuild the wards. Just need a little help.
    -- Harry reclaims head of DA, and trains younger students. Himself trains with Aurors.
    -- Luna tells Harry that there are things inside the DoM that must not be left in LV’s hands. The matter is brought before the Executive Committee. A special task force is formed to spearhead the operation.

    1997, Winter
    -- This year, there will be no snow due to Dementors running free all across Great Britain.
    --LV has Ministry as his base of operations. A magical fortress. Harry and co break in and retrieve several items. Neville Longbottom does not make it out.
    --LV in revenge sets fire to Hogsmeade (empty of people now) and all the surrounding land. Though wards prevent fire from coming in, all the land for miles surrounding the castle is charred black.
    -- Other countries are beginning to get involved. The fall of the British Ministry of Magic sets off several movements. The International Confederation of Magical Beings convenes and hopes to start an arms race. They have one goal: relieve Hogwarts. Easier said than done.
    --LV’s influence has grown. He uses same tactics to incapacitate various governments. Spies misplacing documents, small errors in writing that have disastrous effects. Purebloods joining together, connections made.
    -- sixth anonymous letter. Muggle refugee camp will be raided. Harry organizes teams and squads. First major engagement with LV since Ministry has fallen. Christmas day. Harry manages to gain victory. Forces LV to retreat.
    -- LV in retaliation tracks down Harry’s relatives and tortures them to death. Sends their heads to Harry as gifts.

    1998, New Year’s/Winter
    -- now Harry and the Executive Committee begin to plan a war. A series of small strikes here and there to mess up the Death Eaters. Try to undermine LV’s influence in other nations. Teams are sent to various foreign governments to ask for aid.
    -- LV moves out to France. Beauxbaton is quickly shut down, and a wave of terror is unleashed upon the nation. Hogwarts becomes even larger as more and more refugees come seeking sanctuary. The Executive Committee has long discussion on whether so many should even be allowed to remain there. McGonagall puts her foot down. No one will be refused Sanctuary—unless proven to be guilty.
    -- seventh anonymous letter: LV is furious at Hogwarts’s continued resistance. He is devising plans to destroy them.

    1998, Spring
    -- Death Eaters are assassinated, one by one. Hogwarts continues to plan small strikes here and there. Nibbles at the great armies of LV—but so many nibbles hurts.
    -- Hermione is killed by Wormtail on one of these raids. Stabs her in the back, when she wasn’t looking.
    -- Luna is captured on another. LV sends Harry visions of her being tortured. Harry leads a team that attempts to rescue her—leads them to a gigantic wizard-made lake in the middle of London. A huge pool of bodies, of inferi. Luna is one of them.
    -- Ron is captured at another skirmish. Harry is enraged.
    -- Eighth anonymous letter. Ron was rescued by the author of the letter, he is enclosed. Ron was transfigured into a toy weasel.

    1998, Summer
    -- LV unleashes a Muggle disease that manages to slip through the wards of Hogwarts. At first no one notices. But soon everyone is infected, people are dying left and right. Magic seems to be of no use. Children especially are dying by dozens every day. There seems to be no hope left.
    -- ninth anonymous letter. Tells Harry that there is a Muggle cure. Harry in desperation goes looking for the Muggle cure. There is one. But he cannot find enough. Painfully, he has to prioritize. Only the most capable Aurors, the Executive Committee are given the cures. Out of the thousands living at Hogwarts, less than a hundred live.
    -- LV lays siege to Hogwarts once again. Daily destroy a little bit more of the wards. Not even survive to put up a good fight. LV knows this. In fact, he leaves the Inner Circle to control the siege, and focuses his attention to other nations.
    -- July 31: the wards finally break. The survivors manage to hold first the entrance hall, then are pressed ever more back until nearly the whole castle is overtaken. Thirty or so are left alive, hidden in the deepest dungeons of Hogwarts.
    -- Minerva tells Harry that they must fight. Hiding away like rats will only demoralize them. Harry agrees. They plan their final push against the enemy—to take down as many as they can before the end.
    -- and so the story ends with Harry and Minerva racing through Hogwarts, the professor subtly directing them towards her office. She is reluctant to tell Harry the real truth, as she believes that no one must know of Project Overlord. Everyone else is killed along the way.
    -- they go back in time.

    Tell me what you think!
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2006
  8. razz

    razz Seventh Year

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    Melbourne
    Brilliant. That's awesome.
     
  9. arkeus

    arkeus Seventh Year

    Joined:
    May 26, 2006
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    Timeline

    Brilliant. Just brilliant.
    You have done things the way people here want them :)
    Ron loyal but not that useful.
    Arthur being ambiguous.
    Hermione Being either a Traitor or not capable enough for the Order project (except if she did manage a breakthrough in the project, but not enough given her lack of experience and knoweldge- she is 17, after all.), well, at least she says it doesn't work.

    Voldemort shying away from Harry because he believe that Harry should not die. Not recognizing that there must be a power he still knows not.

    Lots of death, a real fic :).


    Scared the crap out of me, though.

    Edit: I forgot Ginny's death. Silly me! How could i forget such an important demise? Snicker (sarcasam).

    Re-Edit: Re-read the first chapter. Doesn't seem like Hermione was either traitor or icompetent with the project, just that she was careless in dying against Wormtail. Ah well, it relieve me, given that she kind of is my favorite character. Brilliant.
     
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2006
  10. I have read this before,Young Again.I hope Taliath updates though
     
  11. liath

    liath Seventh Year

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    The next part is DONE.

    I'll be leaving it to cool down for about thirty minutes, then I'll check it over. Once that's done, it'll go to my betas (one old, one new--the old checks for the flow, and the second for grammar&punctuation). They'll hopefully finish it within two days. Then it'll get posted.

    I'm very excited with this chapter. At least, I think I am. I'll be more definite once I've gone over it again.

    Toodles for now!
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2006
  12. CGB

    CGB Auror

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    Your timeline is brilliant. You could make a story out of this, as Mordecai suggested
     
  13. arkeus

    arkeus Seventh Year

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    The second part of the chapter

    Ah, a very, very good chapter. I just had trouble reading the Minerva part, and i can't help but think the obliviate won't crush/block all of her memories, and that Harry or Minerva decides to do something about AD. Great work.

    Edit: i don't know how to make spoiler tags, sorry.

    ps: liath, here is my comment, i loved reading it. Really :) the end was rather surprising :)
     
    Last edited: Jul 3, 2006
  14. liath

    liath Seventh Year

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  15. razz

    razz Seventh Year

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    Oh my. That was so, so brilliant -

    I'm still trying to sort it out.

    Really, honestly, that is the best chapter of any fic I have ever read. Ever.
     
  16. Ragon

    Ragon Dark Lord

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    I lived in my mind but I lost my key.
    Timeline: 11 out of possible 10

    Chapter: (read beside Timeline:)
     
  17. liath

    liath Seventh Year

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    Part II is now posted on FF.net! (It's been beta'd now!)

    Tell me what you think!
     
  18. Aekiel

    Aekiel Angle of Mispeling ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    Great chapter. Lvoed how after all that painstaking, not-killing-Harry old Voldie went through he still marked him as his equal and went *poof*. :D
     
  19. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

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    I just read both parts of the ritual scene (I was saving the last one, so I could read both at once).
    I have only one comment.

    HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

    What a brilliant fight scene! Tense, exciting, scary... Then Dumbledore's plan to turn the tables on Voldemort and the whole scene in his office... And all that in a brilliant writing style. Honestly, my writing seems like a toilet paper commercial in comparesment to this :)

    There are only two slight peeves:

    - Harry is using wizarding sayings (Light help me!) even though he is raised by Muggles.

    - The fight scene seems kind of cut off by that confusing killing curse part. I felt in a way cheated of the ending.
     
  20. Vorpal

    Vorpal Third Year

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    Harry spent, at minimum, five to six years among wizards, if summer vacations are discounted. Not only that, but Harry socialized a lot more in the wizarding world. It would be far more unrealistic for him not to pick up wizarding speech patterns.
     
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