Title: Yule Ball Debauchery
Author: MayorHaggar
Rating: NC-17
Genre: Smut
DLP Category: Restricted Section
Pairing: Harry/Parvati
Status: Completed
Summary: After a rather disastrous beginning, the Yule Ball has a much more pleasant ending for Harry and Parvati. HJ, Language, M/F, Minor, Oneshot, Oral

It has a story to go with the smut, but frankly speaking it's just hot steamy sex. It's well written, has few spelling mistakes, and Harry gets laid, for a change.

 

Seems okay. Writing is fine. But it's got a problem.

There's this jarring change from when Harry and Parvati kiss to when the smut begins. It's like they're entirely different people. We have sappy, fluffy declarations of feelings for one another, and then it's "hot steamy sex". Some reviewed with the same problem and the author acknowledges it, says it's due to several months between writing the first half and the second half.

Again, it's okay. But it could be better if that part was rewritten. 3/5.

 

As far as smut goes, I've seen alot better.

It was rushed as has been pointed out, but I dunno... I get that nobody wants to read awkward!firstime!Harry, this just came across as a guy living out a thinly veiled self-insert fanwank.

2/5 - Not the worst I've ever read and I didn't feel the need to run for the brainbleach, but by no means should this be in the library.

 

I know what you mean Vlad. I am half/half about this fic, a part of me thinks it could work in the library, but the more practical part understand it's basically Harry Potter Fuc@king Patil in the bum.

Though I don't if this would be shy Harry, he did do her Doggy style.

 

Well as far as smut goes it was average and the dialog between Parvati and Harry was mediocre but I still liked the beginning so it would be a 3/5 for me.

 

Hmm. Straight smut.

If your looking at nothing more than the sex scene, and are willing to suspend disbelief about the positions and immediate and intense arousal of both parties it's decent I suppose. Frankly however the dialogue is choppy, The setup is improbable, and the mental imagery (ignoring their age's) of the where's and how's of two virgin's managing those positions are too much for me to keep that suspension of belief.

Not complete trash, as I said it's probably almost decent if your looking for smut, but certainly not library worthy. 2/5

 

I initially read the title as "Yule Ball Douchebaggery".

After reading, am very disappointed.

 

No. Just no.

 

-backs up in horror while making warding gestures-

There's more than one chapter?