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Complete A Black Comedy by nonjon - M

Discussion in 'General Fics' started by nonjon, Mar 3, 2007.

  1. Bukay

    Bukay Professor DLP Supporter

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    Last chapter was great, especially the part with needing to work on communication :)
     
  2. Lord Osiris

    Lord Osiris Auror

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    Wow, spectacular, fantastic, excellent, awesome... i can keep going but you get the point. Never have i not liked your work Nonjon im pretty sure i've said that numerous times but its true, always is it top quality. I've only ever laughed so much in a very few fics and this is one of them. Its good to see a change in a post Riddle demsion genra, after awhile it usually all winds up blurred and boring but with this i find myself wanting more.

    Magnificant! cant wait for you next chapter always enjoyable reading your sense of humor.
     
  3. thisperson

    thisperson Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    This story is just full of lulz.

    The Prologue and first two chapters were not very amusing.
    But Loveshield! just had me cracking up, and it never occured to me that what Remus and Tonks are going through could actually happen.
    Also expected Lily and James to make some contact with Harry.
    Maybe it is going to happen in the later chapters?

    Only starting chapter four so far but I have high expectations for it ^-^

    4.8/5 ...loveshield!!! Enough said.
     
  4. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    Since a new chapter was uploaded I can say with needs to be sad.
    This is funny, as it should be. The new Gin will be interesting.
    I really like this.

    Now there is a few issues. I know sex can be great comedy but there is a limit.
    Does everyone Harry meets he has sex with? It takes him .5 seconds to seduce someone in the new world where he is known as... who knows what.
    Does he have some super duper manliness powers that gives him sex?
    Please explain this. It does ruin the story after a period of time.
     
  5. Warlocke

    Warlocke Fourth Champion

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    Very funny, as always. I relished the circus that occurred when the Bones women came back for their wayward lingerie.

    However...
    Holy crap! When did dragons become mammals? Well, they are fantastic beasts, I suppose. :D So is that why anthropomorphized dragon girls have boobs? I'd wondered at that...

    The bit with Ginny becoming semi-corporeal is interesting. I'll be curious to see where this goes.

    It's sort of refreshing, in a way. Usually when Harry's nailing a slew of women, it's because they're his harem. It isn't (quite) nearly as often that he simply has casual sex with a random series of females. Yes, it's like a breath of fresh air.
    Well, more like a breath of air that reeks of sex but you get the idea. Anyway, (casual) sex is one of the building blocks of comedy. Accept no substitutes!
     
  6. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

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    We've got 10 chapters (not counting the prologue) and he's slept with Katie Bell, Susan Bones, Tonks, and a OC squib. We'll have added another name to the list by the start of the next chapter. But I can assure you, there will probably be many, many more. This isn't a harem fic, this isn't every girl falls in love with Harry or dreams of being his girlfriend. These women are getting the exact same thing Harry is: a night or two of fun with no strings attached or expectations.

    He's a mid-twenties attractive red-blooded male who's a powerful wizard and 'noble' Lord. With a partner in crime (literally) like Sirius Black, casual sex is the soup du jour... well, every day. Personally the chatting up parts and the smut parts don't interest me. But the hijinx of a morning after? That's gold, baby.

    Harry as a teen in school = awkward and even after a few years he's still occasionally awkward. He's just better at hiding it now.

    But hands down the best part about frequent casual sex in the fic? Very few requests that so-and-so should be paired with so-and-so. The man is a whore. Just like dear old god-daddy.

    And yeah, I felt like giving mama dragon some nipples. Okay, I hadn't actually thought that far. I guess they do hatch from eggs but still. Dragon's milk. Mmm mmm good. I reckon I could remove the mention of nursing and it's just 4 young dragons (drakelings?) staying warm underneath their mama. Enh... if many others notice I may change but it has zero effect on the fic.

    We will hear a bit more about the Potters, both James and Lily, but well little brothers look up to their big brothers. Even sometimes when he doesn't know that he's got a sort of big brother. So it appears likely a certain 7th year and Head Boy may write to his new 'coolest person he knows' and ask for ideas on setting up a ditch day or scavenger hunt, among others.

    And his opinion of unknown big brother will only improve in a few chapters when Harry and *** finally *** ***. And then they *** with *** and *** *** his ***. You can bet that's going to make the front page.
     
  7. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    Well I can respond to that.

    1) I'm sorry, I also meant to add Sirius with the ability to sleep with anyone, not just Harry. My fault there.
    2) I understand the want to get a one night stand or something like that but it is insane. This reminds me of Two and a Half Men. He doesn't sleep with everyone but it feels like it. Add comedy and it can be funny. See it 20 more times and it is not funny. Now the problem there is the 'He' could be Harry, Sirius or the main character from Two and a Half.

    Look at this line.
    "Luna tilted her back up and earnestly asked, “Perhaps we could discuss it over libations as we collectively contemplate the possibility of intercourse?”"
    Now I don't like seeing the characters as common whores. The only person Harry has slept with that he hasn't seen 5 seconds from when he seduces them is Tonks. It was funny when he was talking to her about the other Tonks and muggles and that things but, once again sex pops up suddenly.

    I agree with what you said sex can be funny but it can get stale, and that is the problem here. Your going overboard with this. I'm just saying slow down with the sex with every other character thing. It is funny.
     
  8. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

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    Well, an observant reader may notice there was a bit more going on with Luna than first appeared.

    And while I hear what you're saying, it's not an issue I have any interest in addressing. I don't want to flesh out the one night stands.

    An example:
    I have zero interest in writing about the drama in Katie Bell's life. How her ex-boyfriend of three years, just got married after dating a model for two weeks. And got married on the anniversary of their first kiss. How she'd almost used one of her best friends for sex because she was feeling especially undesirable. But thankfully her best friend had the good sense to see that she was vulnerable and it wasn't worth complicating their friendship over it. So he left her alone there in the bar, he'd cheered her for an hour but had to work early tomorrow. He knew her sister was going to keep an eye on her. Then a very attractive, likable man flirts with her, talks with her, and her sister is urging her to just let go and have a big old heaping pile of sex. And of course her sister had her eye on the friend of the flirt, and knew she'd get Sirius alone if Katie left with Harry.

    Does now knowing this change your perception of Katie Bell from a common whore? Perhaps. Would I have ever even considered including these details in the fic? Nope. I'm already dragging my feet through this one. People couldn't pick out the ending climax of this fic from a line-up and we're 60K+ words into it. So I start the next morning, both naked, both very pleased with night before and the story goes from there.

    For what it's worth, the casual sex isn't much of the plot. Just one of the avenues for how this Harry and Sirius connect, a way to get a few laughs, and a way to introduce a few of the characters.
     
  9. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

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    Since I was a little forceful with my criticism I don't care if you take little barbs at me too. I did read it fully and even if Luna is a seer it was a little iffy.

    I agree that with a reasoning as it makes the characters seem alive but seems like a mindless sex comedy if you don't have all those details.

    Thats all that I really wanted to know, that the story would have something of a substance.
     
  10. Warlocke

    Warlocke Fourth Champion

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    Well now you just know there are going to be all kinds of potions that call for it! As a potion ingredient, it just sounds right.

    Hehe. It just struck me because, with the ADD and whatnot, I'm not usually that observant. :) I was surprised I actually noticed it.

    Some people get irked that, in many fics, Luna is a seer. I haven't got much of an opinion on that one way or the other. I feel most cliches are disliked, because, after they become popular, hack writers use them poorly instead of implementing them thoughtfully or in original ways (yes a cliche can be original) and not simply because they are clicjes. Though some people do subscribe to that way of thinking... anyway, I'm digressing.

    What I loved (because it totally kicked me in the face, in a good way, and because it was different than the old seer standby) was the way that the laws of Time didn't seem to apply to Luna in You Did What!. I'm really happy to see (what I suspect is) a touch of that here because, as Harry said, “Yeah, Luna’s fun like that.” She seems to flout the laws of the universe with a wink and a smile and the universe lets her get away with it because she means well and there are no hard feelings.
     
    Last edited: May 28, 2007
  11. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran No. 4 Admin

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    Personally, I found this latest chapter lacking. Perhaps I've gotten too used to your type of humor that it just doesn't inspire the laughs it once did. Not sure.

    Didn't like Goffik Gin kikin harry in teh balz, eather.

    :)
     
  12. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

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    It'll become clearer in the next chapter, but Luna's not really a seer. It is more along the lines of 'Luna's fun like that.' And I wasn't meaning it as a barb at SmileOfTheKill. I don't want to give anything away and say too much though.

    As for Ginny, I was trying to describe her decently but I didn't want too many details there at the end. I wasn't aiming for goffik or bulldyke as some responses have indicated. I was trying to get across the idea of like a biker chick a.k.a. the type to tend bar at a place like the Hog's Head.

    Of course that's not to say she's not goffik. Or a bulldyke.
     
  13. DarthBill

    DarthBill The Chosen One

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    I don't like Ginny, either. But that's because I like to associate with Harry, and he just got kicked in teh balz. The other Ginny irks me too. She reminds me of the Ginny from Tinn Tam's "Reach the Open Space."

    Still, I love this story. The casual sex makes the story better, not worse. Smiley is wrong. And it isn't unbelievable, because he is finding all these chicks in bars, which is where chicks go to meet guys.
     
  14. C. Sardothien

    C. Sardothien Squib

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    I don't know. I found Gin refreshing after having to deal with the other Ginny.

    Someone who's a rebel and has no qualms against bodily injury versus an annoying ghost of a stalker.

    Although I do admit I did not like her kicking both Lord Blacks in the balls first off.
     
  15. Mindless

    Mindless Big Boss DLP Supporter

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    Why would she kick two men in the balls for not calling her "Gin?" That's cruel and unusual. It's inhumane. It borders on crimes against humanity. Why do I like this Ginny more than any other I've encountered thus far?
     
  16. Warlocke

    Warlocke Fourth Champion

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    Just to be clear; I know this Luna's not a seer but I have a tendency to ramble and what I mean gets lost in what I say... er, yeah. I more or less brought it up to point out the contrast between what people usually do with Luna and what you've done/will do with her. Or something like that.

    Looks like I also missed a typo in that post...
     
  17. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    Dennis was killed and thus not able to fuck Harrys brains out.
     
  18. nonjon

    nonjon Alumni Retired Staff

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    Crap! Good eye. The earlier chapter has changed "Dennis Creevey" into "Owen Cauldwell" who admitted he 'kind of' fears Voldemort.

    Owen Cauldwell is a passing mention in canon, a Hufflepuff in the same year as Dennis (three years behind Harry).

    Thanks for that.
     
  19. Erotic Adventures of S

    Erotic Adventures of S Denarii Host

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    Yeah I'm annoying like that. I have a useless talent for spotting stuff like that and canon contraditions. I have a mind for tiny useless details.
     
  20. Datakim

    Datakim Chief Warlock

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    Just wanted to show my appreciation for writing this incredible story. I do hope however that Harry shows some payback to Gin in the next chapter. I mean kicking a man between the legs hard enough to lift him off the ground! :)

    That is just plain evil. :D

    Also I liked Luna. You could say I am a fan and I think you always write her well! Hopefully she will play some role in the fic other than just morning after with Harry.
     
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