I think he definitely would have wanted it if he'd taught Harry everything he knew.

 

I read this but I could not stomach the dialogue and prose. I mean who the hell talks like that in real life? It's a shame because the premise was an ok time-waster, but the character assassination and bashing was too much for me to bear. Couple that with your usual cliched "magical core" and "rituals", it became too annoying for me to continue reading. I can't count how many times I've had to wince and grit my teeth reading this fic.

The author does not know what real friendship looks like if that's what all it took for Harry to break relations with Hermione, Ron and everybody else's mother.

To quote, "I do not forgive, I do not forget". Sheeesh, so dramatic.

2/5 rounded to 2.5 coz of update speed.

 

I can't really judge the dialogue, but I would really appreciate it if the author trusted more in the reader's intellect. We don't need you explaining every detail in every dialogue.
"I do not forgive" did strike even me as particularly odd. Seriously, I expected the others to laugh after that line.
Oh, and some things simply strike me as wrong, for example Gabrielle's "soul sightseeing" in Chapter 68.
Additionally, fillers are generally ok in my book but there are certain chapters, especially before Harry's plan is set into motion, the reader really could live without (however, that can be of course excused by the author astonishing update rate).
The last chapters were indeed quite interesting and I really liked how the plot was moved forward there.

However, there is one thing where this fic lives or dies for me: Dumbledore. If he turns out to be really as manipulative and naive as Harry makes him out to be, I will most likely drop the story.
I've read too many stories containing this completely wrong portrayal of this brilliant character to bear yet another one.

 

The story would honestly benefit a lot from removing the "I do not forgive, I do not forget" line. Definitely one of if not the lowest point in the story, soooo bad. Luckily something of that scale only happened once.

Seriously though editing and removing it would be extremely beneficial.

 

Why is Voldemort entering through the Chamber an issue anyway? If Voldemort knew about the ability to apparate in/out of the Chamber, he would have done so during the first war.

I don't recall anything about him learning anything new about the Chamber in any of the chapters so far.

 

I could imagine that he simply didn't dare facing Dumbledore after entering through the chamber but now that Dumbledore is older is more likely to do so?

However, it would indeed most definitely mean that Slytherin and Voldemort had to have had some conversations during the first war which are really never mentioned in the whole story.

 

If that was the case Voldemort could have simply used the Chamber in sixth year instead of the possibility of Malfoy fixing a broken vanishing cabinet.

Besides, Hogwarts had always been one of his goals. He was winning the first war until Halloween. I find it hard to believe that he would have known about the possibility of apparating into the Chamber and never used it to infiltrate Hogwarts. If he feared Dumbledore, he could have made sure Dumbledore was away.

 

Er, this story isn't canon. In canon obviously the chamber was not an option so I don't see why you mentioned this.

Perhaps he either didn't know he could take people with him to it or didn't want other people, even his followers, to experience a place he no doubt felt was special. Just a theory obviously. I mean he could have come himself but I don't think he ever really had a problem with personally getting into Hogwarts, the problem would be conquering it and not getting kicked out. Something that even he would need backup for.

 

If that was the case, I don't see how the situation is different from before, and why the need for blocking the Chamber arises.

In any case, there could be any number of reasons why Voldemort might not have used the Chamber if he did know about it. However, nowhere in the story do we see Harry or Salazar giving any thought to any of this. They decide Voldemort could come through and that's it.

 

True, the risk is pretty real though. Even if they don't know why he hasn't bothered yet or if he would, I'd say it's a worthy precaution.

 

Sure it is, but given that it is a big enough sacrifice for Harry to fuel the wards, it would have made sense to see him try to figure out whether it was actually necessary, at least far more sense than some of those unnecessary fillers in the story.

 

The main issue with this story is that the romance is the center part, and it's badly written and developed. I only keep reading in the hope that Harry becomes Snape 2.0 and accidently kills his obsession in the quest for revenge, and that this starts his long and painful quest for redemption. And I say obsession, because I just don't see the love between Harry and Fleur.

Some writers should just stay away from romance, and DarknessEnthroned is one of them. And he really needs to stop using the many clichés so seriously. I could ignore some clichés, I could even like it if he realised they are clichés and played with them (althought that takes a very skilled writer to pull off). But this is getting just too painful to read, it's almost a torture to read every update.

 

New chapter, and a bit of information on warding which I liked. Although this "paper" analogy was a bit strange, I can't imagine how that should work exactly - if you'd have to "fold" the earth to apparate it would indeed be an impressive magical feat.

But at least some kind of a plan is laid out concerning Dumbledore and horcruxes and I really hope the author decreases his need of filler chapters to get there.

 

It kinda sound like a warp drive. Not "moving" fast but decreasing the distance you need to go. But what I dont really understand is the need to actually explain how appartion works. Seriously everyone could have lived without that bit of fanon creation. Seems pointless to explain it.

But thats acutally my opinion on this hole chapter... You could cut half of it with Fleur saying she placed wards and let her tell it Harry. A really big filler.

 

Well I assume it was brought up as an explanation because clearly Harry does it differently and probably bends some rules or something and it's going to be brought up later.

I actually don't mind filler, even tons of it, as long as the story either is or will be complete. The longer a story can go while I'm still enjoying it the better imo.

 

I think "while I'm still enjoying it" is the crucial point here.
Too many fillers and I will drop the story if no better chapters are in sight. With fanfiction, you can do a bit more fillers because of the time between reading them - but for me it is crucial to move forward in every story.
Distaly OK, I can live with that. Still, it sounds like an impressive feat of magic. However, I often quite like these aditions to canon, when you think about how it maybe could work and how to explain it. If done right, they can be really interesting.
Of course, they still should have some merit for the story which is my criticism for approximately a quarter the chapters of the whole story - they haven't.

 

This has been updated,
After nearly giving up reading halfway through the chapter because it was so unbelievably pointless (furniture shopping, OMFG!!), the story has now got a direction again. The following chapters might become more interesting.

 

Wow...Your really set your hopes high, didn't you?

 

Man. I had some high hopes for this one. First off, I'd like to say that on a technical level, the story is very well written. The style is a little bit too flowery and descriptive for my taste, but it flows well and is well executed.

My problem lies in the story itself. It's not bad. It's just not very original. If this was 2007 and I wasn't so desensitized to the GOF/TrainingMontage!/Betrayed!/TimeTurner!/Hogwarts Heir!/MagicalCore!/Veela! plotline, I'm sure I'd be singing its praises. But the author manages to capture nearly every major cliché we've come to expect from the Harry Potter fandom.

For a moment, I thought the author was going to go a different route when it came to Ron and Hermione's 'betrayal'. There was a great segment where Ron explains to Hermione that even though he's mad at Harry, he's still his friend. It felt very similar to some of my real life friendships. You argue about something, punch some sense into each other, and then you're bro's again. The author setup a great scene. Then promptly ruined it.

"I do not forgive. I do not forget."

It was such a jarring out of character moment that I had to stop for a moment. Harry had been established as a slightly more introspective and talented version of canon. Then all of a sudden we get vengeful, I hate my best friends Harry. It felt like the whole scene was just the authors personal dislike of Ron and Hermione and a cheap way of establishing Independent!Harry.

And don't even get me started on the romantic subplot. Like I said. It's not a bad story. But it's not for me. 3/5