And then when Snape goes rumaging - or attempts too, lets just say he doesn't have such a nice time of it.

Coranth - perhaps you would like to write a spoof to add to the end of the chapter? I can't really do humor

 

It would be rather amusing to see Snape 'meet' the nanites. I wonder what his reaction would be?

 

More importantly - what will his reaction be when he finds out that his attempted intrusions where responsible for the final push needed for the nanites to develope AI

 

*grins* Hehehe, oh the irony! Snape attempts to damage Harry's mind and ends up creating a whole new mind!

 

Eh - the sorting hat helped. When I get the next chapter back from my prereader you'll get to see in more detail. ~9k words so it's not exactly a small bite, not exactly that long either but.....

 

Imagine the possibilities... as Harry learns skills at Hogwarts, the Nanite AI will learn with him; it'll be a constant friend and companion, once he gets to know it. I love the idea of Artificial Intelligence! But as for Snape rummaging and meeting the Nanites...

Snape: Let's see what's inside that arrogant little mind of yours, Potter. Legilmens!

Nanites: [in a voice like the T1000's, when he spoke to the Helicopter Pilot in T2]: Get out.

[Snape, being Snape, wonders WTF is going on and tries to rummage further, but when he refuses to comply with the Nanites' order, they promptly eject him from Harry's mind, leaving him with a planet shattering headache!]

LOL!

 

The voice is a bit much, but it's a good idea. And Snape would get pissed at being tossed out. He'd probably try to curse Harry for the nanites, simply because he's Snape. And Snape does things like that.

 

Very, very good. This is in the top three of the best AU stories I have read. Your description is awe-inspiring, and your characterization of Harry is amazing. You truly are a talented author.

The nanitites? Absolute brilliance. This is exactly the sort of story that I've been waiting for. Kudos for that.

The only thing that I caution you about is to not forget about the other characters. While Harry is as 3-D as you can get, everybody else in the story is flat. It's still early in the story, so you can't really be developing other characters yet, but remember that there are more people in the world than just Harry.

 

Also what's gonna happen with Harry's love life? will it be pushed back or forward. If the nanitites push forward puberty he'll look at girls differently sooner or if they find it unnecessary it might be cancelled!!

 

Next chapters up.......

And Dragon watcher, consider Harry. The nannites might have made him physcally and mentally capable of having a love life but what do you think Harry's opinion of such a potential chink in his armor might be?

 

An excellent chapter, Kung_lou. I did notice some errors which need to be looked at, though...

1. "When the nanites were first absorbed into their host, their creator had insured that each unit contained a library of information containing the latest information in a wide range of fields."

This should be... "When the nanites were first absorbed into their host, their creator had ensured that each unit possessed a library containing the latest information on a wide range of fields."

2. "In a demonstration of its ability to parallel process multiple jobs and priorities at the one time, it started running stimulations into possible effects that stimulating the brain in such a manner would have."

This should be... "In a demonstration of its ability to parallel process multiple jobs and priorities at the SAME time, it started running SIMULATIONS of possible effects that stimulating the brain in such a manner would have."

3. "Barely 30.563 seconds after the first attempted intrusion and the results of its simulations had been completed releasing the missing piece of the puzzle in its attempted communication with its host."

This should be... "Barely 30.563 seconds after the first attempted intrusion, the results of its simulations had been completed, releasing the missing piece of the puzzle in its attempted communication with its host."

Also, please place a line break (-----) between the end of the Nanites P.O.V, and the paragraph that begins "A figure that was completely shrouded in a dark cloak..."

Apart from these little mistakes, it's an excellent chapter. I love how Harry's having people only see what he wants them to see, and I liked how he 'mentally sneered' at the Hogwarts Express and thought the Wizarding World to be backwards. That's one thing that I also dislike about the W.W.: how they ARE so backwards and corrupt, hiding in fear from us Muggles. They have good reason to hide, though... one Hydrogen Bomb on Diagon or Hogwarts, and it'd be all over. BOOOOM! Cowards! I loved how poor Snivellus Snape ran from the Great Hall with a bloody nose, too! I really like Harry's character; he's cold and jaded, and doesn't give a damn about anyone except himself--all he wants is to attain complete freedom and independance from everybody! As for writing the spoof... I was just having a bit of a joke; I believe that a spoof at the end of the chapter would detract from the serious nature of the story. I can't wait until the next chapter; I want to see 001-CSE finally talk to Harry.

 

Thanks Coranth,

My pre-reader got a new job and it was going to be another week min till he got a chance to look at this. It seemed to me a shame to be sitting on my hard drive essentially finished for so long.

As for the spoof - well it would still be interesting to see.

Kung

 

Kung_lou...

If you want a new prereader, or an editor who can fix all of those little mistakes for you, I'm available. I'll be blunt: my LIFE is either writing original fiction (slowly), playing games (Oblivion), or reading fanfics... and I read a LOT of fanfics! I'm a real spelling/grammar nazi; fics that aren't paragraphed properly, or that have bad spelling make me grind my teeth! Of course... if I were to become a prereader/editor for your story, I'd have an ulterior motive for doing so: I'd get to read all of the chaps of "perception" before anyone else! ]:=8} Anyways, if you'd like me to preread and or edit your story for you, let me know, and I'll send you my e-mail address (if I can work out how to send it privately. I value my privacy and don't like being bothered by anyone).

 

Another intriguing chapter.

As before, the best parts are Harry's ultra-Slytherin character and nanites.
As before, the major downside is overbearing writing style, with too many details that are suffocating the plot flow.

All in all, keep going, this is turning into a really great story.

 

we will see wont wee. its good so far

 

I have to say, I'm really looking forward to your next chapter. I can't wait to see the interaction between the AI and Harry now that it is set up.

I might be alone on this, but it bothers me a bit that the nanite scenes almost always start out the same way. They feel a bit repetative to me.

Also, from the way the nanites spoke, it sounded like they didn't even let the Hat read his mind. Did I read that right? His personality was obviously Slytherin, but if I had that right, I was curious if the Hat only put him in that house because it couldn't read his mind.

 

The chapter is great. I love Harry's character, it's very 'Slytherin' and still unexperienced. And Dumbledore made a good first impression on me, he doesn't try to resort Harry or directly pushes him.

I am very intrigued about what happened with the hat and with Snape.

 

I have to wonder what Snape saw... it could be the total data stores of the nanites. That would be interesting, and it does not have to completely give away Harry's secrets--the human mind simply cannot absorb that amount of information all at once, so if this was the case, Snape might only be aware that there was a lot of data without being able to recollect any details.

Possibly, but unlikely. Given the implied order of events, the nanites formed a mental block some time after Snape's invasion, which in turn occured after the sorting hat. (At least I think this is the order in which the events are described--ff.net seems to be down at the moment, so I can't make sure.) Furthermore, the sorting hat has been known to make snap decisions in canon, e.g., with Draco Malfoy. While the cause would be different in this case, a more likely hypothesis is that this Harry's mind is simply overwhelmingly Slytherin-like.

 

I thought the nanites learned from the hat and immediately blocked Snape.

 

The nanites immeadiatly blocked the Hat, after all the hat reads the mind (persona, experiences, ect) to make it's placing. Why the hat made it's desicion so fast? For much the same reason Snape ran out of the hall with a pained expression and a bloody nose.

Why slytherin? it will be explained. But from the above clue no doubt you have already guessed.

As for what Sanpe saw or didn't see that gave such a reaction - Dumbledore will no doubt be despreatly seeking such answers.

As for the nanites, well it actively blocked immeadiatly then later reassigned a permanent defense while restructuring itself. The restructure is based on the attempted access and led to the development/birth of 001-CSE