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Oneshot A Nice Cup of Tea and a Lie Down by Bernice - T (ONE-SHOT)

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by ip82, Jun 2, 2006.

  1. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Nov 14, 2005
    Title: A Nice Cup of Tea and a Lie Down
    Author: Bernice
    Rating: T
    Genre: General/Humor
    Status: ONE-SHOT
    Pairings: None
    Link: http://members.ozemail.com.au/~brussell/tea.htm

    Great one-shot. Sort of a dark humor, for those who like that.
  2. Zero

    Zero Seventh Year

    Dec 5, 2005
    Sailing the bermuda triangle...
    That was great.

    This line really cracked me up.
  3. Amerision

    Amerision Galactic Sheep Emperor DLP Supporter

    Apr 1, 2006
    The Gardens in the Desert Sand

    Harry shoulda been protected by the prophecy. Stupid boy never stands for his rights and is clueless as always.

    In honor of Harry Potter, I will continue this fanfic with a brief extension.


    "I really am very sorry, Harry. I'll name one o'me kids after yeh, if that'll help?" Hagrid's voice came from a great distance, and Harry thought, as he rested his head on the table, at least he hadn't been lying, there was no pain and it really was quite peaceful. Just like going to sleep.

    But as his eyes closed and hearing faded, he felt a burst of light sear through him, yanking him from the deceptive warm blanket that had clouded his senses.

    He sat up with a jolt, aware of a fading green aura around his body.

    His fading vision returned to normal and the world crashed back into sound.

    With only a massive headache, Harry looked up at the suprised face of Hagrid.

    "Guess they were right, calling you the boy-who-lived an all. 'Tis a shame though, I'll have teh kill you meself," he said almost regretfully.

    Drawing his wand, he dove out of the way as the traitorous half-giant flew at him with surpising agility, his massive arms aimed for his neck.

    The gamekeeper crashed into the couch where he had been sitting only moments before. The oak wood broke clean in half under his weight.

    In a flash, Hagrid was on his feet again.

    Harry raised his wand against him, aiming it at his head.

    Hagrid chuckled, amused.

    "Magic won't do yeh any good Harry, thought you'd know that by now!"

    Harry's face darkened, and he sent a powerful cutting curse at Hagrid's exposed neck.

    The pale blue light simply dissapeared against the half-breed's skin, leaving no trace behind.

    Harry was too stunned by the sight to see Hagrid's fist crashing into him, sending him careening to the floor.

    His wand skittered away, rolling under the table.

    He could only watch as his first ever friend stood looming over him, his hands raised high above.

    "I'm sorry Harry, you know that..."

    And with that, he brought his hands crashing downwards.


    A massive beam of reddish-orange light filled his vision as Hagrid was blasted off his feet. The hut shook heavily as the large man slammed into the wall, sliding to the floor.

    Looking toward the source of the blast, Harry was rewarded with Albus Dumbledore in all his glory, his wand smoking from the powerful curse. Stepping forward, he conjured thick metal bands to bound Hagrid's limbs.

    He looked on his former employee with pity and dissapointment.

    Hagrid averted his eyes, unable to face his one time idol.

    Placing a sticking charm on him to keep him earthbound, Dumbledore turned to Harry, helping him up and summoning his wand for him.

    "I never did like that stupid oaf..." Dumbledore muttered. Clearing his throat, he went on. "It is unfortunate that Hagrid here has turned Dark, Harry. With his abilities, he can not be allowed to return to Voldemort. Do you understand?"

    Harry nodded, his eyes flickering toward his first friend. He found it strange that the headmaster spoke as if Hagrid wasn't there.

    Dumbledore continued.

    "I trust you will use the training I provided you with and carry out what needs to be done? To fight against evil? You won't fail me like you did with Mr. Lupin?"

    Harry looked downwards, emabarassed.

    "I will, sir."

    "And you understand what I mean now, correct?"

    "I do."

    Dumbledore clasped Harry on the shoulder, looking him straight on.

    "Very good Harry. I am proud of you. Now, I will leave you to your duties. Just remember, magic does not work very well on giants, so you will have to use your surroundings."

    Harry looked around.

    "Well, he does seem to have an affinity to cooking..."

    The old man positively beamed at his student.

    "On the right track, I see. I will leave you now. Please come to my office when you have completed."

    After casting a silencing charm on the entire cabin, Dumbledore left, his last sight being that of Harry summoning a slightly rusted manual blender from nearby.

    Closing the door, he walked back to the castle.

    Looking back, he was elated to see the specks of blood collecting on the windows.

    "A fast learner that one...he will make a good successor..."

    Last edited: Jun 3, 2006
  4. ip82

    ip82 Prisoner

    Nov 14, 2005

    By the way, Hagrid could have killed Harry if it was Voldemort who prepared the poison (or say added some of his blood into it).
  5. Cupspeaker

    Cupspeaker Looked into the void

    May 22, 2006
    I liked this fic not because of its humor, although it was funny, but for its unique way to kill Harry. Hagrid betraying the light side - LOL! The idea just makes me laugh my head off thinking of big hairy hagrid being evil.
  6. Scrittore

    Scrittore Groundskeeper

    Jul 30, 2009
    I'd give it a 3.5 or a 4/5 for the Dark humor and the story itself. I was expecting Hagrid's betrayal once I began reading the story but the dialogue was hilarious at points.
  7. Dethklok

    Dethklok Order Member

    Apr 16, 2008
    The power of Christ compels him not to tell you.
    I love this. And the little continuation by Amerison kind of paints Dumbledore and now Harry as kind of oppressors.

    Good stuff.
  8. Korisovra

    Korisovra Headmaster

    Jan 31, 2008
    At your mothers house
    Definitely amusing in a dark sort of way. 4/5
  9. sincostan

    sincostan High Inquisitor

    Jan 7, 2008
    The lighthearted tone feels inappropriate for a story like this 3/5. It took away from the impact of this story.
  10. Xiph0

    Xiph0 Administrator Admin

    Dec 7, 2005
    People's Republic of California
    This is bad. Not funny, and even taking the date into account... not funny. 1/5