The Wheel Unbroken updated. Epic chapter.

 

Did anyone make a review thread yet?

 

The review thread was posted in August.

 

Glad you all like my work. Shoutout to the dude who let me know you'd posted links over here - you're the first outside repository/community to send people my way. Anything you want to say to my face? Ideas? Critiques? wild spitballing of plot guesses? I think I've done a good job of keeping the plot a little under wraps for the first arc, but there are still pointers towards the overarching story if you squint.

 

In chapter 10 towards the end, Jon seems to shout "You!" too many times for my liking.

1/5 borderline offense reading material

 

If you want a more structured feedback focused on editing rather than after the fact critique, I'd say have a gander at the Work by Author subforum. It's a fantastic resource for improving your writing.

 

Mostly this:

For what it’s worth, though, I really liked that sequence at the end of this latest chapter. It was a good ending to a long loop and really did a nice job bringing the whole arc to a satisfactory conclusion while leaving some breadcrumbs for us to follow into the future.

 

oh my god I am so fucking offended at this I just can't even. I'm gonna show up at your house and blast Soulja Boy through a huge 80's boombox to have my revenge.

Nah, I'm not necessarily worried about structural issues. I'm well aware that I post the thing unbeta'd and have a few things to work out on that front. I was just curious about if you had any things to say about what you think was going right or wrong in a narrative sense, what's good and bad about the story. I have a fairly firm grasp of the trajectory of it all - and we are firmly climbing higher up the batshit crazy ladder as we go - but I'm confident enough in the flexibility of the story that I can't adapt to good ideas or fix bad decisions.

 

Yeah WbA is good for all levels of feedback. Generally people will focus on whatever aspect you ask for. This thread here is more of a general rec thread.

Have a gander through a few of the WbA threads to get an idea of what the place is like.

 

So if I want to use the WbA threads, do I have to repost the entirety of my stories there in order to not run afoul of the rules? Or can I just post a link to what's already been posted elsewhere and then get feedback on my current chapter?

 

It's more a courtesy thing I think. Posting what you've got chapter by chapter is fine. You'd also be fine just posting new words as you write and getting feedback on that.

 

Scream Against the Storm has updated a few times recently. Large time skip has me feeling a little iffy, really want the story of all the inbetween that got glossed over more than anything else. Still a solid fic in my mind but I get why some aren’t about it.

 

Dwellingondreams has another excellent piece. I’ve only just started it, but so far it’s up to the author’s usual standard of excellence in both technical and stylistic aspects of the writing. The update rate is also, as per usual from this author, phenomenal; it was posted in July and currently has ~150k words.

Quick and dirty summary is this: Domeric Bolton is born female. Usually these aren’t terribly interesting as the authors don’t tend to actually try and change the plot, but I expect some fun out of this particular one.

 

I stopped reading after chapter 19. The lack of changes to the main plot is the stories biggest pitfall. It makes sense her presence wouldn't change much but reading 90,000 words with very little divergence from the original plot is boring.

Donella is great though. You read the story summary and you think it will read like someone's terrible self insert romancing Robb because "Richard Madden is so dreamy" - but that's not what it is. Where many author would write the OC going with Robb on his march to the south as an excuse for more terrible fluffy romance - Dwellingondreams writes Donella in a way where it makes sense for her character and what we know about her as a reader.

Any interesting change's happen to shake up the Clash of Kings plot?

 

You pretty much read through all the foreshadowing and then stopped where it all started to pan out. There are changes, lots of little ones that are slowly adding up to something, though I’m not sure what.

I really do recommend the read, though. It’s a little slow, but Dwelling has a spectacular knack for writing characters and really hits it on the head with this one.

 

It's a boring read. It doesn't matter that this might be an interesting character to some - she isn't to me, but then again I don't care for this OC - if almost everything else stays the same, there is little point in reading any of it. About the only change I've noticed is a few more OCs dying about in battles and Gregor Clegane actually being killed at one point, but that's it. Everything else happens more or less the same.

150 000 words for absolutely fuck all happening.

It's not poorly written. I just don't see the appeal in emotional fidgeting and minutiae of the days of Donelle Bolton.

 

HEAR YE, HEAR YE.

THE LATEST SHITPOST OF MINE, BEING THE ELEVENTH CHAPTER OF 'THE WHEEL UNBROKEN', HAS NOW BEEN UPLOADED. ACCUSATIONS OF EDGELORDING AND LOW-QUALITY EFFORTS MAY NOW COMMENCE IN SUITABLE FASHION.

 

So did you just watch Rome? Because that reads perfectly in the newsreader's voice.

 

Nah. If I had, I would have included a plug for the Capitoline Brotherhood of Millers. True Roman bread for True Romans.

 

Jesus the ASOIAF fandom is truly cursed with an unending shitdeluge of powerwank male SIs and affection-blackhole female SIs. May the Others win.