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WIP Albus and Harry's World Trip by ZebJeb - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by RandyRanderson, May 24, 2020.

  1. RandyRanderson

    RandyRanderson First Year

    Joined:
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    Title: Albus and Harry's World Trip
    Author: ZebJeb
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure/Humor
    Status: In-Progress
    Library Category:
    Pairings:
    Summary: After defeating the basilisk, Harry is expelled for his efforts. Dumbledore was unable to get his job back as Headmaster. The two set off on a trip together around the world, where Harry will discover the benefits of being the only student of a brilliant former Headmaster who no longer feels the need to avoid sharing information.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13388022/1/Albus-and-Harrys-World-Trip

    This has been recommended on reddit pretty frequently. I couldn't find a thread on it here in DLP so I figured I'd create one in almost recommended.

    The premise itself is decent. I was actually hopeful when I started reading because I do enjoy the stories where Dumbledore mentors Harry. The broad strokes of the plot aren't bad either. The writing is mechanically correct for the most part.

    That said, there are a lot of issues with this story. A lot of these issues stem from being a humor story which would be okay if the story was actually funny. It might just be me, but nothing in this story made me actually laugh beyond a small smile. The humor is constantly forced.

    The story is also clearly written to resolve what the author considers to be plot holes in the books. Disrespect of the books aside, the dialogue and story feels forced when "Albus" starts a long-winded explanation about why Molly Weasley was talking about muggles at the train station. These explanations appear randomly throughout the fic. The author also spells everything out during these "explanations", seemingly unable to trust his reader. The writing style is bland. Dumbledore's dialogue is a poor attempt to replicate his ambiguity in canon.

    The magic system is horrible. It's all clearly oriented to giving Harry a reason for being powerful. It's one of those "only intent matters" magical systems. It's also combined with a mindscape to create an abomination of a hybrid system. For example, Harry presses buttons in his mindscape to end levitation spells. Harry also devises a unique form of transportation called "Hyper Jumps" because the author insists on shoehorning in Star Wars references. Wandless magic is rampant. All of the changes to magic are combined to ensure that Harry can defeat Sirius and Remus after a month or two. The author tosses in some nominal difficulties to the unique magic only Harry and Dumbledore can use but those difficulties never come into play.

    Characterization isn't good either. Dumbledore doesn't feel like Dumbledore and the changes to his character are not for the better. Interesting enough, the story is also a Weasley and Hermione bashing story (except the twins of course). Sirius is the typical fanon Sirius Black with all the associated poor jokes and inability to be serious, a change for the worse from canon.

    2/5 for me but it is highly recommended.
     
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