An idiotic idea that came to my mind as I was going through the list of new chapters at FFN (you know how it is; D/H, Time-travel, D/H, Time-travel...).

So, this starts say... 5 years after HBP. And Voldemort is on the brink of total defeat. Harry had found the Power of Love and became utterly unstoppable, decimating Voldemort's forces at each step, having already destroyed all his Horcruxes.

As Aurors and Order forces breach the defenses of Slytherin tower, he resorts to the last, desperate plan to save himself and the future he had envisioned. Just as Harry breaks in, white glow of love radiating around him, Voldemort activates the time machine, throwing himself back to the 1940-ies.

His mission - make sure he obtains the Power of Love!

And the only way he can do that is by adopting his 12-15 year old self and trying to teach him proper values, including how to love.

The point of this story - imagine Dark Lord Voldemort trying to act as the perfect, loving father to the bullying brat we've seen in HBP. Just the thought of some of the scenes we could see there (the Talk, Christmas, helping mudblood Hufflepuffs with homework, making friends with Gryffindors, telling jokes...) make me wanna laugh my arse off.

 

Ahh love the twist that instead of Harry being almost defeated it is Voldemort.

 

This idea is pretty good, I'd love to see it done.

:::

"You can't do things like that, Tom!"

Tom rolled his eyes at the tall guant man in front of him. Honestly, he was supposed to be a Dark Lord!

"And why the bloody hell not?" he spat back.

Voldemort glared at his younger self. He had underestimated the little brat. He'd found out his true identity in a matter of days. If there was someone more annoying than Potter, it had to be...it.

"Because you just can't...argh! Because I say so! Crucio!"

Smirking, Tom let the magic hit him, watching it dissolve uselessly into his chest. It was impossible to hurt yourself in the past. One of time's laws to prevent paradox.

Voldemort was purple.

"Nice try, loser."

Looking around angrily, Voldemort spotted Nagini...who was currently busy with her younger self. She'd taken the mothering role much easier.

Calming his self down and clenching his twitching wand hand, he tried what he had read in that stupid muggle magazine.

"Tom Marvolo Riddle! If you don't curb this vicious...streak, I will confine you to your room and deprive you of your wand!"

Tom's mouth dropped open.

"You're...You're grounding me because I killed a few mudbloods! You did it too!" he spluttered.

Voldemort consulted Parenting World. Moral Instruction? Positive Reinforcement? Parental bonding?

"If you be good, I'll...I'll...take you to the Zoo?"

:::

Wow, shitty...please ignore.

 

I just cried from laughing reading "If you be good, I'll...I'll...take you to the Zoo?"

 

Oh my god... The pure comedy potential of this idea astounds me. It could work as a one shot or very short story but I doubt I would read it otherwise.

 

"YOU PUT YOUR SOUL BACK TOGETHER THIS INSTANT!"

"Make me!"