The biggest problem I have with this story is how the doctors talk about how many defence mechanisms Harry has, and then suddenly Harry’s crying all over them. As people have pointed out the spelling and grammar is better than we usually see, but the plot? And the characterisation? Oh and Harry likes Hermione, that loses points immediately.<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com" /><o></o>
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1/5<o></o>

edit: what the hell? where did that "the office" thing come from?

 

Considering the fact that the author had enough gray matter to be technically decent only makes the story far more painful.

 

And that right there is precisely the problem with this fic in a nutshell.

That Harry is written in a manner that simply does not make sense.

That Petunia went from the destructively doting mom of a mini whale and the neglectful and mean spirited horse face that she was in the book... to an actual caring person in regards to Harry isn't really the biggest issue of this story...

No. It's the over the top girlish emo trainwreck that Harry became in the story.
Afraid of food? FUCK! That's just fucking stupid.
Crying himself to sleep every night... gimme a freaking break.
Boys and girls approach things really differently... and abused kids especially.
Dudley would have mocked Harry poisonously if he'd have shown that sort of weakness, as would the other Dursleys. He'd have seen that crying does him no good, and he'd have ended up channeling all that pain into rebellion or some other avenue.

Instead, the author takes the easy way out and tries to therapy his ass. What a load of tripe.

Harry doesn't need therapy, he needs for someone to take an interest in giving him the power he needs to survive.

Harry has shown that he's one tough nut when you get right down to it. He freaking killed his first DADA teacher deliberately in his first year (saw that his touch burned them and used it to kill him) and still held it together.

I mean look at even the titles of some of the chapters.
Sparky's new dietician
Hermione to the rescue
King Harry's paper crown (
Harry and Shakespeare (Oh... right.)
Not Alone
In Sensei's hands (Holy shit... homoerotic alert)
Am I dark?

Holy shit, the pure faggotry of some of these chapters make me want to hurl.


I mean this scene...

No self respecting kid over 8 is going to put up with any paper crown bullshit.

I mean it's like at a certain point you just don't wear footy pj's to bed, you don't watch power rangers, and you sure as fuck don't wear some bullshit paper crown like some retard at Burger king.

That scenes like those that comprised his "therapy" arc actually exist in a Harry Potter fic just make my teeth hurt.

Don't get me wrong, the writer can string together her sentence structures just fine... but it's the CONTENT that just sucks.

 

Well said Garret.

This is a ''kill it with fire'' fic no matter how you try to justify it.

 

OK, I really, really didn't want to read this... but with the few defenders, I had to.

As a piece of literature, it doesn't rise beyond horse feces. As a piece of HP fanfiction, however, it isn't that bad. It's BAD, but not that bad.

My biggest gripes:

~ The mental hospital is fucking ridiculous. The author has quite obviously never been in contact with a truly fucked up person, nor has she ever been within a twenty mile radius of a mental institution and it shows. It's not a fucking day care, or an retirement home, it's a place where mentally ill people go so they won't end up hurting themselves.

~ Harry is not a 15 year old girl. No matter how much this author wishes he was. Every one of Harry's 'decisions' (I use this term very loosely, as he's kind of just a pole that the rest of the characters dance around) looks like something an irrational, emotional, hormonal, and, most importantly, stupid teenage girl would do.

~ There is not a shred, and I mean not a shred of character or plot driven development in this fic. Nothing fucking changes, and nothing fucking happens. The conflict is damn near non-existent. It's like reading a DW story with a pussy-emo-teengirl Harry.

2/5 - The grammar and spelling are better than I can do, but the writing style, plot, and characterization are atrocious.

 

Lol at Sree's rant, absolutely hilarious. This bitch is dumb how the fuck does this story have so many fucking reviews? its like people like reading shit.

Someone figure out a way to obliterate this piece of shit from fanfiction just to see the reaction of the author and the rest of her 3000 preteen emo bitch fans. This story fails on so many levels its unbelievable.

Edit: lol she is a member of this place haha

 

ROFL.

No, seriously, this is hilarious. Sree comes on and throws a hissy fit, everyone jumps on the bandwagon, and anyone that offers a valid opinion on the story is drowned out by idiots parroting the usual "ZOMG this fic is fail, fuck shit cunt bitch cunt, -infinity and one / 5!"

Next time you read something that you obviously hate, click that big red X and move on.

5/5, for shits and giggles.

 

Uh oh...Sree get angry.

I think this fics pretty fail. Petunia turning nice could have worked (somehhow I'm sure) but the author effed it.

1.5/5 for an ok base idea and writing skill.

 

Why don't you read the fic if you haven't already, and then actually read the arguments of those defending the fic?

As far as I am concerned, their arguments aren't too valid. Not all of the reviews thrashing the fic are actually of "zomg kill this fic" variety, you know?

It seems as though you posted with the mere intent to troll, or you actually...like this fic? I'm a major H/Hr fan and I am still unable to stomach this bullshit. Then again, if you like unbelievable characterisations, and you like pussy!Harry, perhaps you are in the wrong forums.

 

Oh, God no. That's why I'm here and not on Mugglenet.com.

'Sides, the author said it wasn't going to become H/Hr...

Eh, might check this out if I have any time. But it doesn't sound like my kind of fic.

Come on, Sree. You didn't want an honest rating when you posted this - you wanted everyone to agree with you. Frankly, I have no idea why you posted this in For Review, seeing as, in your opinion, it fell out of the Piece-O'-Shit tree and hit every branch on the way down.

*Waits for the banhammer to fall*

 

Read it a long while back, and have to agree that, in terms of actually being able to read it without wincing at someone's English, it's pretty good.

In terms of plot and characterization, it's utter crap.

That said, I think I have to agree with The Doctor when he asked why this was posted in For Review section when it's so bad.

Is there no way to Insta-bin something?

 

For those who are saying that it's a believable Harry, and so forth and so forth, well whoop-dee-fucking-doo. Personally, I don't care if it's a believable Harry. At first, I wasn't even all that annoyed at the premise of the story (although the Petunia bit did bug me). No, what makes me dislike this story is that over, what, how many words, Harry stays pretty much the same, i.e, emotional needy and so forth and so forth. Sure, it's realistic.

It's also boring as hell.

In fact, the whole story is just...boring.

Most of it doesn't focus on Harry Potter, the wizard. It focuses on Harry Potter, the emotionally disturbed. Oh, and as a side note, he can do magic too.

Like I said, realistic sure, but that doesn't mean it's good. I wouldn't have disliked the story so much if Harry had made some relatively fast progress and it had gone somewhere much sooner.

For example:

Harry climbed the stairs and went to the toilet.

That takes a sequence of events and summaries it so the reader doesn't get bored. If we wanted to do it the Emma Lipardi way.

Harry walked up the stairs, staring on his left foot, then his right, then his left, then his right, until he had climbed all seventeen stairs. He turned right, taking twelve paces forward and scratching his nose. He raised his arm, turned to the left, placed his hand on the doorknob and opened the toliet door. Inside, he shut the toilet, slightly bent down to put up the lid, unzipped his pants, grappled his penis and aimed it at the ball. He kept a steady hand and watched as a stream of urine splattered against the ceramic bowl. After fourteen seconds, the stream died down into a few splutters and droplets. Harry get his penis a little shake, put it back in his pants, zipped up his fly, flushed the toilet, turned around, opened the door and walked out.

Yeah, it's longer but who gives a shit about how Harry takes a piss? Oh, wait, I forgot to add magic. Here, I'll pull an Emma.

Then he shut the door with a wave of his wand.

So add 'dull' to my list of complaints.

 

I love all the anti-bandwagoning bandwagoning posts. Apparently if you agree with someone you're now bandwagoning.

And yeah, I read a fair amount of this story a while back, and it sucks and doesn't get better. A boring and weak Harry, an unrealistic Wizarding world full of cliche problems that can be fixed by know-it-all-Granger, completely out-of-the-blue story premise, shallow OCs and...a Muggle sensei who automatically wtfpwns all wizards.

2/5, because it's fairly well written.


2/5.

 

Boo, Doctor. Stick by your guns when you say something - none of this "banstick fear" nonsense. Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have said anything, but that's only because the thread was looking for mostly positive responses. Let's all call a spade a spade, shall we lads: this isn't a review, not really - it's a chance for everyone who thinks that this story blows to expound on its many failures. It's also an indirect (or fairly direct, depending on the reviewer) chance to comment on how much of a failure the author is; the fact that she hasn't come in here to defend herself and take all this heat (she can't NOT know about this thread by now) is pretty cool in my books.

That being said, I did attempt to read her story - I did not enjoy it in the least. Everything Sree said about the story was spot on. I guess I'm wondering why he posted his review here and not on her actual review section *shrugs*

 

Leave pussy!emo!Harry's aside and imagine Draco fucking Malfoy dancing with a muggle at some costume party... With Snape as guard or something...... And he starts liking that girl a bit too much..... The beginning of an eternal love.......

I know most of DLPers wont get till that part of the story.... but its so stupid... What happened to good old Draco-poo?????

Now think of Snape. He was totally pissed at Harry after 5th year for pensieve incident..... Suddenly just because he is angry at Dumbledore for irritating him, he refuses to divulge Harry's location to him..... Can anyone give a reasonable explanation for Snape searching all over Britain with other order members when he knew exactly where Harry was???? I am not sure but I think once Snape visited Harry at asylum with flowers and chocolate.... err something close to it anyway.....

By latest chapters Harry is more powerful than Voldemort+Dumbledore+Merlin+etc+etc..... Still he wants nothing more than to cry on his AUNT'S shoulders..... If this isn't crappy then what is?????

All those who say this story is great because it has good plot and neat grammer just answer these questions which has been put forward in this thread....

 

You know to be completely honest, I haven't read the story since like November 2007. I have to admit, I'm a complete faggot for my fond memories of this story. I just tried re-reading it to see what you guys hated so much. I have recently discovered that DLP have completely warped my taste in fiction.

This is just like /b/ and my previous distaste of fapping to gore.

 

2/5 is already generous. People gave the story an extra point for readability, but well-written comes after plot. If there's nothing in the plot, then the best grammar and sentence structure in the world is just wasted on it.

Just saying.

Well said.

 

The drama in this thread has been, so far, pure lulz.

As for the story .. it was, at parts, both boring and interesting.I read chapters 1-50ish in one go and was, overall ,mostly dissapointed. Too many characters, too much information,too many cliches, too much wasted potential.Those things didn't bother me that much,however ; what annoyed me the most, was Harry's shameful behavior.

So I submitted the following review :

"Meh.I hate the fact that Harry cowers before everyone.
Paul,his aunt,his sensei,Remus,the proffesors,Voldemort.FFS.This isn't normal adolescent behavior.However screwed up Harry is,noone puts up with shit like that.

Little by little,every "caretaker" of Harry's is robbing him of his pride.

When you lose everything,as Harry has,numerous times,what are you left with? Your pride.

And what is a man without his pride?

NOTHING
An absolute zero.

I hope Harry starts channeling his anger soon.He's currently standing in a slippery slope,where he has to defend all of his actions to everybody arround him.At the end of this path,Harry will have to defend himself for drinking water directly from the tap instead of filling a f*cking glass with it!

None of his caretakers have given him any trust - never.Instead of growing,of breaking the chains that bind him to this black hole,he instead submits willingly ; becoming more and more dependant on others.Five year olds have more freedoms than Harry.

Do not think that I'm proposing Harry shouldn't accept help.But there's a goddamn line between accepting help from others and willingly becoming other peoples' BITCH.

I enjoy your story;sometimes it drives me crazy though..

Respectfully,
Ankalagon "

Emma responded with :

"Hi Ankalagon!

I know what you mean. I sometimes want to shake him and go "What are
you doing?", but I'm not in control of the story (sadly). The
characters do what they want and I'm merely along for the ride.

According to my notes, Harry's going to start waking up sometime
around...his 17th birthday. Or a little before that. I'm not sure how
he'll go yet. He'll start nudging people, and then he'll outright shove
them to get his way. By the time he returns to Hogwarts (yes, he does go
back) he'll be an almost completely different person. I can't wait.
He'll be so much more fun then.

Thanks for taking the time to read and review. I'm already at work on
the next chapter. See you soon!

Emma Lipardi"

I continued reading with some hope that the story will continue in a different direction, but I haven't seen this happen yet.I doubt I'm going to see it too oO.

For some time, I've been viewing this story simply with indifference.The only reason I even read new chapters is curiosity.

A very generous 3/5 for grammar/spelling & keeping me sufficiently occupied for a few hours.