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Dead Link Anguis: The Snake Within by Pseud0 Nymph

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by gbbz, Apr 17, 2011.

  1. gbbz

    gbbz Professor

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    Title: Anguis: The Snake Within
    Author: Pseud0 Nymph
    Rating: M
    Genre: Mystery
    DLP Category: Dark Arts / General
    Pairing: Harry/Hermione
    Status: WIP
    Summary: A slightly noire story, focusing on Harry as a hard-ass Auror who's trying to solve a series of murders, while at the same time connecting to his estranged friend, slash, love interest. I like it, this Harry is a bastard, while still maintaining that significant Harry look.

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5699736/5/Anguis_The_Snake_Within

    EDIT: I searched for it before and must have bollocked because I didn't find it, but now I see it's already been posted, though the link in that thread seems to be broken. Well, this one works.

    Edit: Deadlink, two chapters here.

    "Anyone looking for Anguis - there were a few things that were making me cringe and driving me a bit nuts so I've taken the fic down and am doing a bit of re-modelling. It will be back up eventually." Profile, 28/9/11.

    -Sesc
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 12, 2013
  2. Grubdubdub

    Grubdubdub Supreme Mugwump

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    You're not supposed to write your own summary for the story... :facepalm

    Actual summary:
     
  3. Kthr

    Kthr Unspeakable DLP Supporter

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    You know what, the story is actually rather nice. 3.5/5 for me.
     
  4. Rahedion

    Rahedion Banned

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    This story is epic so far. I love Harry's Characterization. He's Independent, Dark in a fair few respects (Flirting with more Dark than Independent, some would say...) and has grown into a Very powerful wizard. The descriptions of magic and his growth are cool to read, none of it has seemed off the wall or batty.

    The mystery is rather well done, but not incredible. The OCs aren't burdensome (and some are actually intriguing..) So far the plot line is complicated and diverse but well controlled. The entire story has a Dark Pulp Noir ambiance that drew me in and hooked me immediately.

    The author has a flair for cliffhangers, and loves to leave you wondering what's going to happen next. I find myself intrigued by the interpretation of Hermione (So far she has yet to show Hermione!Sue in either the 'devoted girly' Hermione or Super!Hermione fashions).

    The 'Ship' is H/Hr, yes, but it's done in a way I guarantee that many before haven't seen before, and avoids most of the cliches and tropes of Harmonian past.

    Even the 'Flashbacks' aren't burdensome or boring for the story. But are instead a well-woven part of all that's going on. Not just world building.

    I will warn that it is Post-Hogwarts, and that the author seems to have ignored at least the second half of, if not the entirety of the seventh book, though it's unclear exactly how much changed. So it's fairly AU in that regard. But It's done in a fashion that abandons The Powa of Lurrrvve (and dumb luck!) believably and maturely. Not in a Bashing!Protestation fashion.

    4.25 out of 5, for me. Because A. It updates slowly, and B. The only two canon characters that have any real presence are Harry and Hermione, The rest of the cast is almost entirely OCs, which bugs me a bit. But these are well done enough to not be a serious negative. If it completes well and doesn't take a nosedive disappointment it'll earn a 4.75.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2011
  5. Portus

    Portus Heir

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    Note: OP linked to chapter 5 like a dumbass.

    So, I swear I've heard this panned on DLP before, but I guess I'll give it a shot.

    Okay, I looked up the original thread(s). There was apparently an extensive rewrite, and still the reviews were quite mixed. I'm hoping there's no six-foot-muscle-bound-Harry to kill my piqued interest.
     
  6. Rahedion

    Rahedion Banned

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    You're going to be disappointed. -Shrug- Personally it doesn't bother me, but I can believe how it came about, if you read the entirety of it the story explains how that came to be. But then, I've seen small, thin kids get tired of being seen as a victim and turn themselves around.

    Still, that is going to turn some folks off. And I can even understand why, we're used to a Harry that isn't physically imposing, that is supposed to be dangerous for other, less 'base' reasons.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2011
  7. Tenages

    Tenages Order Member DLP Supporter

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    What is it about this fic that makes it so hard to find that it's been nominated three separate times? Odd.

    Anyway, I hated the original. I thought the characters were lame and the plot twist obvious. The plotting was much better in the rewrite. The writing IIRC is technically good. Still don't like it though. None of the characters grip me and the plot isn't so good it can hold me without great character.

    Finally,

    ^ So much this. Just :fire

    True. But short, shrimpy kids do not suddenly grow much taller just because they 'decide to turn themselves around.' If you're short, you're short. Nothing you can do about it. And Harry is a resident of the short bus.
     
    Last edited: Apr 21, 2011
  8. ASmallBundleOfToothpicks

    ASmallBundleOfToothpicks Professor

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    It's kind of funny, this story reminds me of that parody with all of the Mary Sues and Gary Stus that band together and give up their perfectness while fighting the evil Mary Sues... I forget the title. The thing is that all of the developed characters come off as a little too perfect, a little too inhuman. I can't put my finger on why this is, though. I think it's because while the characters (because his Harry bears little resemblance to Harry Potter from the books, same with his Hermione) have flaws, the flaws are incredibly trite. Yes, his Harry is temperamental, rebellious, and abrasive. Yes his Hermione is callow, obsessive, and easily led. But they feel like caricatures, rather than people.

    Technically the piece is sound, but I don't like how the author basically straight up yanked Sam Spade and dropped him in a "rebellious anti-hero" shell. That said, I liked the idea of a murder victim being possessed and still talking, but I'm not sold on his vision of spellcasting or his fight scenes. Over all, a 3/5, this is a solid, average piece.
     
  9. Portus

    Portus Heir

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    I gave up in chapter 3. I had already face-palmed at the passage already quoted, namely:

    and was trying to let it slide. Not easy, but I was trying.

    Then comes Harry's 180-degree mood swings. I'm no psychologist, but this not-Harry either
    (1) has a severe and untreated case of bi-polar disorder,
    (2) is a psychopath,
    (3) is a sociopath, or
    (4) some combination of the three.

    Do. Not. Want.
    I could maybe - MAYBE - let this slide as well if there was any plausible reason for it at least hinted at.

    And yet I'm still trying to soldier on, for two reasons - the first being that I'm a sucker for HHr, and this Hermione wasn't so far OOC that I thought it was a joke, and the second reason being that the mystery and ritual to bring back a revenant (or w/e it was) seemed intriguing and fresh.

    THEN -
    I get to the training sequence, wherein Harry is not only using a couple guns and blocking bullets fired at him and moving with "preternatural grace and speed" but he's also using knives and wearing - again - skin-tight armor and all that Mack Bolan-esque bullshit that pseudo-soldiers and rent-a-cops wank over.

    No. No no no no no. I cannot abide that. So the confluence of MackBolan!Harry with antisocial-personality-disorder!Harry and uber-magic-speed-killer!Harry just became too much. Oh, and he smokes and picks fights with random unsuspecting Muggles.

    Yeah no.

    It's Harry Potter in name only, and I refuse to read that. If the mystery part interests you, you'd be about a million times better off reading Breach of Contract: Twelve Signs by mattsilver3k.

    I won't rate since I didn't finish it, but so far it's 4/5 for the actual writing ability of the author and the mystery bit, but -1000/5 for the terribad characterization.
     
  10. Rahedion

    Rahedion Banned

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    The explanation for it all comes late in the story. But your point is absolutely valid in that for alot of folks the characterization is going to be seen as Terribad. .

    Later Plot Stuff Revealed:

    What is explained later in the fic (chapter 7, I think?) And onward, is that Harry has a Nasty Case of PTSD from Altered!Final Battle. Oh, and the Psych!Trauma that being a Druggy does to you. Additionally the idea is that when Voldemort tried to Kill Baby!Harry, he implanted a 'seed' of his own magic into him, which surpressed Harry's for years. When Final Battle goes down that gets removed, and his own starts to grow again.
     
  11. ASmallBundleOfToothpicks

    ASmallBundleOfToothpicks Professor

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    Rahedion, I have to thank you.

    Now I feel much better about not making it all the way through chapter three. You've proven definitively that the fic starts out well written but bad, and then goes downhill.
     
  12. Oz

    Oz For Zombie. Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Eh, I quite enjoyed it. Very well written action-wankfest with mediocre characterisation. It's like Lethal Weapon with magic.

    4/5
     
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