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WIP Becoming Harry Potter by Stjernefald - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by sollol, Feb 3, 2021.

  1. sollol

    sollol Second Year

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2014
    Messages:
    69
    Title: Becoming Harry Potter
    Author: Stjernefald
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure
    Status: In Progress
    Summary:
    AU. Harry Potter, a Slytherin with the temper of a Gryffindor, finds himself cast into the flames of prophecies and ancient machinations of shadowy societies. Forced to endure the attention and wrath of the Dark Lord Voldemort, Harry must forge himself in darker hues… but beware, Harry Potter, sleep is merely Death being shy. And dreams… are his visions.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/12174463/1/Becoming-Harry-Potter

    As indicated in the summary, Harry has been sorted into Slytherin, together with Ron, who joins him in Slytherin more out of loyalty than out of any inclination. A central feature of the story is the friendship between Harry and Ron, the - at this point in the story - antagonistic relationshipwith with their classmates and the adventures they live through. Harry is more powerful than he is in canon, though the origins of his instinctive feel for magic remain unclear at least in the first few chapters. Every reader will probably have a strong suspicion where this instinct comes from. And while Harry is indeed very talented - far more than his classmates - this is not a Super!Harry that can simply brush any obstacle aside. He will be challenged, at times more than he will be able to handle on his own.

    Not everything has changed from the books. The first year is still about the Philosopher's Stone, but the author has written his own story that begins to look notably different to the books from the beginning. Harry and Ron are quick to figure out that the Stone is in danger, but the steps they take to protect it are suspensful. The author has created mysteries and shadowy figures beyond the ones that exixst in the books. So far, it has been exactly what the Genre suggests: a tale of adventures that are a pleasure to read.

    The writing is good, though at times I wonder if it is not a bit too elaborated. I have come to enjoy his style, but a native English speaker may feel different. It could be argued that it is too early to suggest this for the library as it is still in comfortably in First Year, but there have already been nearly 80 000 words published. The author seems to have found either the time or the muse to really work on this story, as it has been updated three or four times in the last two month, so do not be fooled by the puiblication date (2016).

    This is the best updating HP fanfic that I am aware of and I have given 4 stars to reflect that. If this fic becomes as good as I hope with the updates to come, I expect to upgrate it to 5 stars.
     
    Last edited: Feb 3, 2021
  2. raobuntu

    raobuntu DA Member

    Joined:
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    I've taken a quick read through the first few chapters, and I think this story has some interesting ideas but tough execution. The Author can't seem to find a single tone, and often switches tenses between first person and third person. The scenes also come together in a dis-organized manner, and there are times where I'm not sure what's going on. I can understand some of the writing issues being attributed to someone who isn't a native English speaker, but the Chapter and scene construction still leaves much to be desired.

    For me, it's a 2.5 rounded up to a 3. It's certainly interesting, but not library worthy imo.
     
  3. sollol

    sollol Second Year

    Joined:
    Nov 16, 2014
    Messages:
    69
    Yes, I understand what you mean.

    The author seems to have made some changes to his story today or yesterday. He changed the story from being written entirely in the first person to the third person and attempted to tighten the prose of the first chapters a bit.

    While I applaud the change to the third person - I generally prefer it in HP fanfiction - there seem to be some sentences he forgot to change. The correction the author attempted seems to have lead to some disruption, I would have to read the first few chapters again to be sure. But judging from the first chapter alone, it feels as if the writing is no longer from the same mould.

    In my post above I wrote that the author used a very elaborated style at times - this seems to have disappeared, but the author may just have gone too far.

    That being said, what inspired me to open this thread today was the newest chapter published that I read today. It has been written in the third person without any belated corrections or changes, and this chapter, in my opinion, is very good. In this chapter we are being lead through the culmination of the struggle for the Philosopher's Stone.

    It shows what the author is capable of if he manages to continue his story without any belated changes in the perspective.
     
  4. RandyRanderson

    RandyRanderson Third Year

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    I went in expecting an overdone fic from the summary, and I got what I was expecting. It's a firm guilty pleasure fic, if you enjoy a powerful Harry going through Hogwarts. But it's overdone. Harry doesn't need to really work for anything. Harry "feels" magic and as a first year that's been to only a few classes, can manage a shield charm in two tries and can detect legilimency from Dumbledore. Oh, and he can cast spells to do anything he wants without knowing about them. And it's not just Harry's ability with magic that's overdone, everything about the story feels overdone.

    2.5/5 for me, rounded down.
     
  5. esran

    esran Professor

    Joined:
    May 19, 2013
    Messages:
    458
    It actually gets better as it goes, and the latest chapter is pretty good.

    The early chapters are terrible, with contrived poorly explained events, typos, and worst of all an occasional slip into first person. Sort of good writing, with terrible editing.

    Pet peeve of mine is Molly Weasley apparently refuses to write to Ron at all? For no apparent reason? If I remember right, this is brought up several times, and never explained.

    Weirdly enough, the story seems to warn the reader, in character, that Daphne Greengrass will be poorly written, and she is.

    I'll say 3/5 but I'd almost say 2/5. 3/5 is mostly in hopes that new chapters will be good like the recent chapters, and not bad like the early chapters.
     
  6. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

    Joined:
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    > Harry Potter, a Slytherin with the temper of a Gryffindor

    No.

    This is not how it works. A "Gryffindor in Slytherin" is an oxymoron, they are mutually exclusive, and Canon!Harry (despite what the Sorting Hat says, that was one of Rowling's bigger contradictions) is a perfect Gryffindor. Nothing more, nothing less. More personally, it's also no fun to read. The appeal is that a Slytherin!Harry is a very different creature than a Gryffindor!Harry, so writing the latter just makes the story superfluous.

    I read this before, and it fails on precisely those grounds. Generally, the first year Canon stations, as experienced by a Slytherin, are very distictive. Harry doesn't get baited into a duel, doesn't save the remembrall, doesn't rescue anyone from trolls, doesn't smuggle a dragon, doesn't go into the forest, and doesn't save the stone. The reason for that is that the cause and motivation for each of those is tied on the deepest level to who Harry is, and precisely because Canon!Harry is so fundamentally a Gryffindor, they can't happen without traits that will send him to Gryffindor, if he has them.

    The easiest way to see that is to ask yourself "what would Draco do", because he (along with Pansy) is the prototypical Slytherin. The result is obvious.

    And in fairness, the author is aware of that; -- the story doesn't lack logic (well, mostly -- there are some few instances where Canon plot comes in and clearly doesn't fit), the way so many other shitty Slytherin!Harrys do, resulting from the mismatch of character and action mentioned above; events are changed or adapted, and all the other characters are also quite in-character. What the author did here, then, was writing an accurate rendition of Slytherin, and sticking non-Slytherins into it. I suppose he could be lauded for being consequent, except his consequence is the one of following his bad premise to the logical conclusion. I don't know that it's particularly interesting to see drama manufactured from the rather obvious tension of non-Slytherins in Slytherin. And lampshading your own flaws
    hasn't been clever since ever, and doesn't excuse them either.


    So this story fails as a Slytherin!Harry, even though its logic is mostly cohesive. On the other hand, that's also not its point. Slytherin itself, indeed, all of Hogwarts, is only a prop here; Harry is sorted there simply because he has to be somewhere; he could be in any house, and it wouldn't make a difference to the plot the author has in mind. This is Harry's story. Ron aside, he is a solitary figure, barely connected to the world around him. The story revolves around itself, it rests on introspection, and the events that do happen are a means to illustrate particular aspects of that.

    As such, it's not even bad. In principle, I like this style of writing, I followed along the musings, agreeing with some, disagreeing with others, but I feel the balance is off. You do need some kind of external world and plot. You can't be completely untethered. Fayr Warning, way back when, kept that balance in her stories, as one example of this style. My own Slytherin!Harry is already on the wrong side of the line. This is far beyond it.


    So ultimately, I dunno what to rate it. It's a Slytherin!Harry without a Slytherin!Harry, it's a story at Hogwarts without Hogwarts; I suppose if you condensed the essence of Harry vs Voldemort into some elevated, idealised struggle, you'd get this. And then you remember Harry and Ron are 11, not 30 year old war veterans, and that take doesn't work either.

    This story is something. I just haven't figured out what. Maybe it doesn't know itself.
     
  7. Rhys

    Rhys High Inquisitor

    Joined:
    Sep 6, 2009
    Messages:
    597
    When reading this for a little while I thought the rare first person thing was maybe because the story was written in first-person-horcrux and it was getting confused. It would've fit with the little comments going off in Harry's head, and it always seemed to happen when things were exciting or tense. A little sad that it's just typos.

    As for the rest, I'm not done with it yet and I have mixed feelings so far. I do like this Ron quite a bit though.
     
  8. Myst

    Myst Headmaster

    Joined:
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    Glassboro, NJ
    Honestly I really enjoy this story. It has some unique takes on some cliches. The grammar aspect isn't really something that concerns me but that's probably because I grade high school essays all the time.

    I would rate this a 4/5. The latest chapter certainly is poised to expand this world greatly.
     
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