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WIP Black Magic By: Lunatic Howling in the Night - T - HP/LotR

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Methos, Nov 27, 2016.

  1. Methos

    Methos DA Member

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    Title: Black Magic
    Author: Lunatic Howling in the Night
    Rating: T
    Genre: Adventure/Humor
    Status: [WiP : 40k words]
    Library Category: [Alternates]
    Pairings: None currently
    Summary:
    Harry expected death to be uneventful and Dark Lord free. True to form, none of his expectations were met, including the one involving him being dead. No pairings.
    Link: FanFiction.Net

    The story is LotR/HP crossover.

    Harry finally thinking he managed to enter his next great adventure find it sorely lacking.
    Unless be shrouded in darkness and lacking magic count for it.
    After some travel in the darkness, he intrude on exiled Dark Lord.
    After both sides fluxing their muscles, Harry having enough experience with Dark Lords makes a deal, he will help the Dark Lord return from banishment in return he will help him getting back to his own world.

    Since it is LotR crossover few points to easy it for you.

    * Harry isn't an elf, no pointy ears.
    * Pairing: The most that will come near the territory of Romance is Harry love for food. No Harry/Random male Elf.

    I will not comment on the prose/grammar/writing capabilities
    I will leave that to others, who have better ability to judge those things.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 9, 2017
  2. crimson sun06

    crimson sun06 Unspeakable

    Joined:
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    I get that, but a little more effort to sell the story would be appreciated, and by that I mean more than just an extended summary.

    What are the story's strengths? An analysis of the plot, characters, etc. so that the rest of us have some idea of what we're getting into.
     
  3. Methos

    Methos DA Member

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    More info
    As posted in the OP the story is a Crossover.
    Unlike most crossovers of LotR/HP, Harry doesn't start in Middle Earth or even in Adra.
    Harry start the story in the dark void beyond door of Night.
    Stumbling upon Melkor (Greater Shadow in LotR) spirit bound in chains orbiting Adra.
    They strike a deal, Melkor will help Harry get back to his own world/reality.
    While Harry helps Melkor to ruin Adra's Creator plan.

    Harry smuggle the exiled Dark Lord through the door of Night and crush into Middle earth during Frodo and his companions travel with Strider.

    Not long into the Fic, Harry realize that he is current method to leave back home lies with Sauron the only one who currently has the skills to craft the vessel for it.
    Which is why he plan to travel there as well at some point.

    Melkor himself doesn't possess his vast powers he had in the past, he is but a ghost a spirit and take refuge by possessing a crow Harry gave to him, he can not operate on his own in his current weak state.
    Fearing been discovered by the Valar or other powers in Middle Earth among them Sauron.

    In addition we learn that Voldemort is still alive and kicking in Harry mind.


    What I liked in the fic:
    * Harry's magical utilities (the Book)
    * Harry actually use his magic and brain, while Harry is powerful he isn't perfect not that overpowered.
    * I liked very much Melkor and Harry characterization
    * Melkor is portrayed as a rebel, who rebelled against the plans Eru only to realize his rebellion was part of the plan as well, HP provide him with opportunity to enter something that isn't under the controll of Eru.

    I'm not expert in Middle Earth and Tolkin world lore so I can't point for any mistakes there.

    You don't need much in my opinion knowledge about Similarion to understand what is going on.

    I hope it is enough to get people trying to read the first two chapters, from there you will continue on your own hooked in already.
     
  4. Halt

    Halt 1/3 of the Note Bros.

    Joined:
    May 27, 2010
    Messages:
    598
    Location:
    Philippines
    I'd classify this as heavily YMMV/Barely Recommended material.

    It focuses a lot on descriptions - overly much in my opinion. Tangentially, the prose has a tendency to go into longwinded detours that hold little relevance to the story and serve as, at best, an inelegant way of furthering Harry's characterization, at worst, is just pointless word count filler.

    The formatting too needs work. The author likes dumping these walls of text which don't do the story's readability any favors. I'd have preferred it if more attention was paid to dialogue instead, given the characters are a strong point relative to the rest of the story. This isn't to say the characters are spectacular, just that everything else is that bad.

    There's also a lot of HP information that's being recounted here, which I do understand in part as Melkor doesn't know anything about Harry, but I feel it could've been handled better. As it is, most of the dialogue seems to be "Interesting, you can do x. How?" "Yes, I can, insert longwinded history here." If there was more dialogue to intermix these things with, it wouldn't be as much of an issue, but as it is, ugh no.

    To focus on the more technical side, there's a lot of said-synonyms being thrown around and speech tags/speech beats are interchanged.

    I can't comment much on the story since I honestly got lost somewhere around chapter 4. The plot itself just isn't very engaging and it has a very weak chapter 1/summary hook.

    2.5/5 for me, rounding down.
     
  5. Steelbadger

    Steelbadger High Inquisitor

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    513
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    I tried to read this story some time ago, and discarded it fairly quickly (after, I think, putting something in the Pet Peeves thread).

    It is, simply, not good.

    I want to like it, I really, really do, but I just can't do it.

    First, it's not enjoyable to read as the formatting is rather poor. Huge paragraphs are one of the things that will cause me to quickly give up on a story as they're just so much effort to slog through.

    The writing style is... I'd probably describe it as unnecessarily bombastic. People never run when they can hurtle, and water never flows when it can surge. Such powerful wording has a place, but overuse simply blinds the reader to it. A bit like watching a Transformers movie.

    What really kills it for me, though, is the level of character assassination going on. It is clear to me that while the writer clearly has a reasonable knowledge of the Legendarium, they really haven't made any attempt to understand it. I think the thing with Melkor is what really does the damage. It is so utterly stupid that I just can't handle it at all. Harry likening Eru to a Manipulative!Dumbledore is just so moronic on so many levels that I find myself becoming annoyed just thinking about it.

    It's a pity, on the surface it looks like it could be an interesting story. But the execution is lack-lustre, and it manages to pull in a whole load of my most loathed tropes in so doing. I really planned on ranting for a while on this, but I just don't have the energy. It says something that I'm not even following this story, despite being HP/LotR.

    That said, Harry doesn't appear to be gay, or in the process of regressing to a child-like state. So 2/5.