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WIP Bright Eyes by The Carnivorous Muffin - T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Dark Minion, Mar 12, 2016.

  1. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2006
    Messages:
    2,229
    Title: Bright Eyes
    Author: The Carnivorous Muffin
    Rating: T
    Genre: Family/Angst
    DLP-Category: The Alternates
    Words: 14,743
    Published: February 16, 2016
    Status: Apparently WIP, but it would work as a oneshot
    Summary:
    Death reenters a seemingly familiar world in 1979 and is forced to remember that he was once Harry Potter when he befriends his father as well as to remember what it means to be human. Side fic to "Lily and the Art of Being Sisyphus"

    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/11793117/1/Bright-Eyes

    Another one of Carnivorous Muffin stories that start as a side story to 'Lily'. In contrary to the other side stories this mostly takes place before the birth of Lily and can be read without any knowledge of the main story.

    Harry, Master of Death, appears in 1979, joins the auror corps and meets James and Sirius. James befriends Harry, though never gets really close to him, while the other Marauders avoid him. It is not clear which powers Harry wields, if he is a god-like deity or just a (probably immortal) human with special abilities.

    It's not as weird as the other fics and it's told mostly from James perspective. The way the story ends would work as a oneshot, but the author announced a 'part 2'.

    I really like it as it is. If you aren't familiar with the author's writings, this could sound like the prologue to a novel-length fic, but I assume it won't be longer than two or three parts.

    If you dislike Carnivorous' other stories, you won't like this one either. If you like her other stories, you might enjoy this one, too.

    I rate it with 4/5 - maybe even 5/5, depending on the second part.
     
  2. Drake

    Drake Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Messages:
    270
    Location:
    Virginia
    5/5

    I really enjoy all of Carnivorous Muffin's stories. I realize that some may criticize how many he has started and not finished, but I feel more like he has a few characters that he likes to craft stories around. So while he may have 5+ unfinished stories right now he really only has three characters he's exploring. Lily, End of Universe Harry, and young Harry (Unwinding Golden Thread). I find that it's far easier to enjoy his works if you look at them as simply experiencing these characters instead of simply being there for that specific story's plot. This outlook also makes all the side content far more enjoyable as they just add to the experience.
     
  3. SmileOfTheKill

    SmileOfTheKill Magical Amber

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2007
    Messages:
    1,146
    Location:
    Florida, Sigh...
    It's... okay?

    I was fine with the story up until the ending. It was building towards something grand in the manner that a good story does, but what it builds for it is just annoying.

    The fact that the entirety of the buildup is to redo the betrayal in a near carbon copy. It was even skirting with the fact that the entire story would be different with Harry there, but nope. Fem!Harry was placed on the doorsteps. She got picked up yes, but you might as well have just bloody started the next chapter there and not deal with the first chapter.
     
  4. Clampert

    Clampert First Year

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2016
    Messages:
    26
    High Score:
    0
    While the original fic stands as proof that anything can be entertaining if written well enough. Even the super!fem!Harry wizard bashing crack fic that it is. These one shots lack the same charm.

    They are meant purely for people that are 100% sold on the main fic, but if you aren't nothing will be lost by skipping this.
     
  5. Rache

    Rache Headmaster

    Joined:
    Mar 7, 2012
    Messages:
    1,156
    Location:
    DLP
    Am i just supposed to accept that Harry would kill Bellatrix to save unknown strangers and not even lift a finger against Peter?

    All Carnivorous Muffin is good at is 'pussyfying' Harry's character.
     
  6. Palindrome

    Palindrome Magma Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2009
    Messages:
    2,377
    Location:
    England
    I liked the first chapter, but the second wasn't really great. With the inclusion of Ellie again it seems a little... re-hashed, perhaps?
     
  7. FriedIce

    FriedIce Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2013
    Messages:
    212
    I liked the first chapter, I thought the second chapter was solidly underwhelming. It just felt so... lacking any sort of point and Ellie irritated me something fierce.

    Chapter 1 was probably a 4/5, Chapter 2 a 2/5.
     
  8. kumakt

    kumakt Squib

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2013
    Messages:
    9
    Location:
    Upstate New York
    I'm usually a huge fan of Carnivorous Muffin's work but this just rubs me the wrong way. She basically writes the same story over and over (a Harry with Tom in his head with at HP/TR pairing). This is a change from her usual work and it shows in the dialogue and description. The father/daughter dynamic could be done better.

    Also "Prongslet."

    3/5
     
  9. Dark Minion

    Dark Minion Bright Henchman Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2006
    Messages:
    2,229
    In contrary to Palindrome and FriedIce I liked the second part as much as or even more than the first. It is told mostly from Regulus’ point of view, who tries to drag Harry and Elenor into the task to destroy Voldemort. Elenor is more sociable but as weird as Lily, and I like the father / daughter interaction – but yeah, It would have been nice to see more of that.

    It’s imho definitely a 4 star story.
     
  10. Zeemz

    Zeemz Second Year

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2014
    Messages:
    57
    Location:
    Online
    Couldn't get into it. Everything Harry did was arbitrary. Why kill Bellatrix and not Peter? Why save Ellie and leave James/Lily to die? And the whole plan to have Ellie be more independent backfired and died a quiet death. I suppose Death would be arbitrary, but it doesn't make for an entertaining story.

    2/5 for good technical writing.
     
  11. LordValcoix

    LordValcoix Muggle

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2016
    Messages:
    3
    Location:
    India
    High Score:
    0
    Didn't like the fic much though Lily and the art is more humorous to read.The plot would've been good if the author had any intention of creating a novel length story.Overall this particular fic is not something as good as some others Muffin has written.
     
  12. Poisson.Distribution

    Poisson.Distribution Squib

    Joined:
    Feb 14, 2016
    Messages:
    6
    High Score:
    0
    Enjoyed the first chapter quite a bit, the second not so much. Ellie seems a lot like just the whole quirky!harry trope and I found that somewhat irritating. Although, overall I thought the idea was interesting and well done. I would rate 4/5 on balance.
     
  13. Luther

    Luther Squib

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2013
    Messages:
    5
    Location:
    mpls
    ayy a story about my favorite band- finally!

    Anyways, good story. Nothing really new here, I think someone already said this but yeah
    Muffin's Harry can be found in all their stories acting the same tbh. I still like it thought. 3.5/5 I guess. Needs something new for a higher rating and ending of chapter one was disappointing with Harry not actually doing anything to change the timeline. Didn't think he would but still a let down -__--


    User was warned for this post and asked to use proper capitalisation.
     
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2016