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Brokenhearted by veraklon -T

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Harpy Prince, Jul 28, 2006.

  1. Harpy Prince

    Harpy Prince Seventh Year

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    Location:
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    Title: Brokenhearted
    Author: veraklon
    Rating: T
    Genre: Drama/Angst
    Pairing: pre Harry/Hermione, Harry/Tonks
    Status: WIP
    Summary: Alt Univ: After walking in on his girlfriend, Hermione, and best friend, Ron, in bed together, a 16yo Harry leaves to deal with his destiny without them. Tonks convinces him that he can't do it alone. And how does Draco fit in? HP:NT.
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3038768/1/

    If action is all you like then you're not gonna like this. It's more the drama itself that's really interesting. It's well written so it doesn't feel like a 13 year old got bored one night and decided to emo up a Harry fic. Hermione's turmoil is portrayed really well. The only problem is that Harry's cold demeanor seems to have dissipated in the recent chapters but it's still a good read.
     
  2. Kai Shek

    Kai Shek Supreme Mugwump

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    I stopped reading as soon as Harry and Tonks apparantly started sleeping together without any shown interaction. If the author showed what led to it, than maybe, but it went way to fast for a seventeen year old.
     
  3. KANE

    KANE Groundskeeper

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    So far, i've read up to chapter five, and it seems like an Okay story only. Very good writing style and spelling/grammer but like harpy said, not much action so far and it looks unlikely to be a lot of it anytime soon. The characterisation is pretty good and well developed but i didn't like the development of the Harry/Tonks relationship. It was announced to the audience through one of Luna's thoughts:

    This was the first indication of anything happening between the two of them adn from there everything seemed to happen very suddenly, tonks and harry seemed to become way too close for just spending 2 days together. That's all i've got to say for now, i might add more if i finish it.

    So far, i give it 3/5 and recommended to anyone who enjoys drama in a dic and a lack of action.
     
    Last edited: Jul 28, 2006
  4. Harpy Prince

    Harpy Prince Seventh Year

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    Hmm it's probably just me. Hermione was supposedly his rock in the fic. The one thing he could always count on to be there for him. Then he catches her in the act of having sex with another man. He's most likely feeling rather glum after that and is probably looking for any way to forget what just happened, even having sex with Tonks. That was enough for awhile. Harry and Tonks relationship while he was at Hogwarts was explained a little later. She was undercover there and whenever he had problems with Hermione she would be there sort of as a big sister. But after they did it her feelings started to change. I thought everything unfolded rather smoothly for awhile. Harry was doing tonks, Ron got judo flipped over som stairs and gets ignored by Luna, and Hermione is reduced to a weeping pile of curls.
     
  5. chronic dragon

    chronic dragon Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    Read the whole thing. It seems like the author is going to either make it a h/g or a h/hr. i wouldn't really reccomend it to anyone here. Its not really too developed and a lot of things are vague and not explained enough. seems rushed not clearly thought out. 2/5 for me. wish i could get the time i spent reading it back.
     
  6. dgHouse

    dgHouse First Year

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    I agree with Harpy, though I think Harry and Tonks sleeping together was rushed. I mean come on, one minute Harry is going to wait to make sure he is in love then he decides to go sleep with Tonks after just getting together with her. :rolleyes: Other than that the fic was ok. I'll give it 3/5.
     
  7. Kai Shek

    Kai Shek Supreme Mugwump

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    If the author puts flashbacks in, describing what happened between the two, let me know, because I will start reading from where I left off, but I can't stand how it was written.
     
  8. Lord Ravenclaw

    Lord Ravenclaw System God Admin

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    I read it through...it's not bad. Other than Harry and Tonks just getting together, it's pretty well written. It looks like its coming down to a dramatic finish as well. I give it a 3.5/5.
     
  9. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Persona 4 Admin

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    Read some of it. I dislike Ron/Hermione so that put a bad taste in my mouth for a little while. Then the sudden Harry/Tonks just made me want to go play Megaman to forget it.

    Upside, well written. The style is okay. This get's a 3.
     
  10. Niffler Lord

    Niffler Lord Headmaster

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    To much drama. I read this a while back but was hesitant to post it here. Its one big emo-fest. Its well written I'll give you that but the angst just got to me.

    I also don't like the way its H/Tonks. I mean at the start Hermione is THE one, his rock, his foundation etc etc. He gets betrayed by her and she goes into this huge depression. On the other hand Harry bangs Tonks and in two days he's in love with her... WTF??

    The impression on the beginning is that H/Hr were a very, very serious couple connecting on so many more levels that normal couples do. Two days, read that again TWO DAYS, after they've broken up he's fully in love with Tonks and committed to her like nothing happened??? Come on!!! If he was so committed to Hermione then two bloody days isn't enough to heal from the breakup!!

    IMO after Harry locks himself in Grimauld place with Tonks the two should have just banged each other silly. He's depressed, she's depressed. So go for a healing fuck-fest. I'm not talking about making love or falling in love. I mean sex, plain and simple. Sex for the sake of sex and lots ot it. Sex just to forget what happened, all the misery and pain etc. Afterwards the two can talk calmly and then move on. None of the love-conquers all shit. The two should not have hooked up so quickly.

    3/5
     
    Last edited: Jul 29, 2006
  11. Haunted Warrior

    Haunted Warrior Fifth Year

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    I personaly managed to get throught the Tonks part, but then they were going to go back to Hogwarts. Killed it for me. And it featured a redeemed!Draco.

    And I agrre, I did find Tonks bit a bit OOC. It broke even Canon behaviour.
     
  12. dark.itachi

    dark.itachi First Year

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    Meh, It's written moderatly nicely but the plot just doesn't work for me... there isn't enough action and it has far too much romance and drama.
     
  13. Jeram

    Jeram Elder of Zion DLP Supporter

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    I like it, I think. It's not great, I think that many characters are OOC in it, Tonks, Luna, Ron, and even Harry to a lesser extent. The story is a fairly okay one, but the twist was a bit disappointing, if fairly original.

    The pacing and the plot are pretty good, and the motivations seem to make sense, if perhaps the characterizations are not.

    I'd give it a solid 3 out of 5.

    -J
     
  14. Syn

    Syn Fourth Year

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    where are you reading that harry fell instantly in love with tonks?

    it was at first a rebound shag - there needs not be any buildup to honks in that respect. hell, you could even say it was a grudge fuck - grudges against those who jilted them both respectively.

    after that, the emotional development between the two takes place over a course of time.

    the fic is a little too dramatic for my tastes...but i gotta say it's the first (new) fic i've seen in a while that has substantial length that's grabbed and maintained my attention.

    i recommend if you aren't completely gung-ho action style fanfic readers.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2006
  15. Kai Shek

    Kai Shek Supreme Mugwump

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    The plot skipped from Harry finding Tonks in the house, to Luna discovering that they are sleeping together. It seems to me to just be an excuse for the author to not use his imagination to think something up about how that could have happened, and just leaving it to the readers.
     
  16. Syn

    Syn Fourth Year

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    it didn't skip. you read them embracing at the end of the GP12 scene...and then that scene was more fleshed out in a flashback.

    shrug, it seemed congruous to me. h/hr to honks to luna realizing it didn't break continuity to this reader.
     
  17. Kai Shek

    Kai Shek Supreme Mugwump

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    Embraced...in a hug...for comfort, not sleeping together. I just wish that they showed the interacted, this story is mainly for the romance and angst, they could atleast show some romance.
     
  18. Soulforger

    Soulforger First Year

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    Too much drama, and it seems to be moving back to H/Hr. And even if the writting's good, I can't give it more than 2/5. It's an angst fest.
     
  19. Syn

    Syn Fourth Year

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    i donno how you do your rebound shags, but for me they've generally started out as an embrace (as in a hug).
     
  20. Harpy Prince

    Harpy Prince Seventh Year

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    Like I said if action is a must for you, you were probably not going to like it. Personally a story doesn't have to have action for me to like it. It does seem to be leaning towards h/hr but the writer says otherwise.