I personally don't care for Dodgespell, but that's probably because I really want to get back to Harry and Co. discovering ruins and breaking wards and the like. It was hard to get used to the point of view at first, but I am really enjoying it now. Great original story.

 

Second person view really pisses off my writer's craft teacher for some reason. KUTGW, jbern. Really enjoy your stories.

 

You know, I keep meaning to read this, but always put it off. And just now, as I was looking at the content guidelines at ffnet out of boredom, I found that this story actually violates those guidelines!

Funny about how the Nazi Admins haven't killed it. Maybe they're getting less anal?

 

Exactly how does it violate it? Please give me a link to the content guidelines. I have only looked in the Terms of Service and do not see how it violates it. It is not a songfic. I even go so far as to mention Jethro Tull and that I make no claim to that. The lyrics to the song are used as the chapter titles, but do not appear in it's entirety in the story.

Jim

 

Taken from the rules regarding disallowed content types...

"5. Any form of interactive entry: choose your adventure, second person/you based, Q&As, and etc."

Really Bungle isn't an interactive fic, but the second person perspective could cause it to be viewed that way.

 

Thanks for clearing that up LT2000. Hopefully the ff admins agree that it isn't interactive. I could have just as easily wrote it in first person, but I wanted it to be a bit different.

Jim

 

Bah, it would not be NEARLY as funny if you did that.

 

Err... you mind explaining that one to me?

This fic is excellent, but I'm still one of the ones who think first person would have worked just as well, and perhaps made it easier to read.

Third person may have changed it dramatically, but shifting it from second to first doesn't seem like the inner monologues or clever inset commentary would be all that changed.

 

Eh, many people (myself included) like both the unusual perspective and the fact that it allows harry to gripe and complain without being a whining little bitch. Because we all rail against people and situations we don't like in the (relative, in Harry's case) safety of our own minds. It is just when one starts thinking that others actually give a damn about your problems, and starts vocalizing them that it gets irritating fast. That's my two cents at least.

 

Chapter 11 Tease

The chapter 11 tease is in work by author section. Stop by there and let me know what you think of it. It reveals Harry's form, so don't read it unless you want to know.

Jim

 

If done correctly, second person allows a person to really feel like they are in the story, as opposed to first person.

 

Chapter 11 is up.

For your consumption and reading pleasure, I offer chapter 11. If you look closely, you might actually notice Harry maturing a bit.

Enjoy,
Jim

 

I did notice, in fact. I had been sure that he would be a wolf, though. What, with the wanting to howl. Oh, well. I have to say that you wrote the animal thoughts very well.

 

Great new chapter. I like the whole animagus thing. Not just two potions and then you're an animagus. Great work.

 

It took me almost 15 minutes to remember the book "Bright Lights, Big City".
It was written in second person and the lead shares some of the personality
quirks with Harry (and other young adults).
I don't like reading about quiddich, dodgespell was a great change of pace.

I was put off by the first chapter, put the story aside and read it the other day, it turned out really well, Kudos.

 

Another great chapter! I loved the closing zinger.

I did notice one sign of potential future trouble.

Please please please don't go all Flairgold on us. I liked the animagus thing as an example of different cultures having different perspectives. I didn't like the normals/muggles thing, but I figured it wasn't a big deal. But, I'm getting concerned when every chapter we get a little "those wacky British are so backwards" moment. Have we even seen one thing so far where the English/Hogwarts way of doing something is clearly superior?

This really isn't a big deal, I just don't like the trend. Everything else about the story is fantastic.

 

Thanks for all the input, it seems to be a well received chapter thus far.


I've never read Bright Lights Big City. I'll have to check it out at some point.

rj - You have to remember, Harry isn't very pleasantly disposed towards England right now. If it weren't for all these pesky Horcurx things, he probably wouldn't go back. As for the English way of doing things, Thundercloud was quick to point out that when the Europeans fought against the Native Americans that their magic was more organized, structured and more suited for violence than the magic available to the shamans back then.

Further, Brazil only offers 3 years of education to their magical populace. Karina is in her mid 20's and doesn't know how to apparate. Her hovel has no floo connection. Many don't play quidditch, because they can't afford to risk there broom getting wrecked by a bludger. They still have a guild/apprentice structure for higher learning. They don't even teach subjects like ancient runes and arithmancy in the 'free' education. You'll also notice that Lauren and Michelle abandoned their tribal education for New Salem, which seems no different then Hogwarts, Beauxbatons or Drumstrang.

The next thing you have to consider is that Harry has a 120 year old animagus, two cursebreakers and two hitwizards as personal tutors at the moment. He is probably missing alot of the foundational knowledge of runes, but he is learning to become a serviceable ward crafter. He's taking a warding scheme straight out of a book for Karina's house. It will be awhile before Harry is ready to go design his own customized warding scheme or tackle busting through someone elses solo.

The final thing running through Harry's head is that he doesn't consider himself a product of the Hogwart's system. Snape never taught Harry anything. Most everything Harry had to learn was out of desparation induced by dementors, the triwizard tournament or occulmency to stop Voldy from connecting to him. Charms and Transfiguration are the only subjects he has had reliable training in.

I hope that clears up what I hope is a misconception on your part.

Jim

 

I find the whole painting with vomit thing great. Harry being able to turn down big tata's due to him realising that it was their inner animals coming through was a great way to show him growing up.

I'm glad to see that when Harry got angry at Tata's he didn't get all bitchy and appoligise afterwards saying he shouldn't get angry. I am sick of people portraying angry as a negative thing. Anger is a natural part of life and can be used to great effect when dealing with people. So long as anger doesnt consume you it's a perfectly natural part of life (Is it just me or does that sound all jedi-ish)

The idea of the quicker reflexs coming into his human form is good so long as you don't take it to far but I hope you don't fall into the trap of partial transformation such as him calling up just the claws so he can be uber cool and slash shit.

I can imagin Bill giving him hell when he finds he had all these woman wanting him to shag them.

TEAOS

 

Re: "Bright Lights, Big City" The book was better than the movie, but Mike J. Fox
did a fair job with the script he was given. There are a few web pages with quotes, plot summaries, critical reviews, but you have to wade though the movie web pages to find them, or go to amazon (or the library).As the writer I would think it is a question of looking at how another person handled the style vs.
worrying about "influence". It rocked to writing world for a few months, then the next big thing came.

Nice chapter, now I am looking for your take on east asia or korean magic.
The Zinger ending was good, can I use it for a signature?

I liked you image of the magical community of North Dakota. I understand the "jungle thing" but I hope you can take to a few other places in the Americas.
One could view this story as a "traveling while on summer vacation and growing up" tale, But of course being Harry Potter it is much more than the normal vacation.

 

Thanks. Feel free to use it in your signature. This chapter chapter took me across the 400 review barrier and has become the most reviewed chapter of the story with less than half the normal chapter hits. I have to credit nonjon, who told me that most reviewers make up their mind based on the final 4 paragraphs whether on not they are going to leave a review. Seems to have worked rather well. I actually had a couple of more paragraphs, but everything else took away from the strength of that ending. It is actually my second favorite line from the chapter with the one that I prefer being - I see
England. I see France. I see Fleur with no underpants.

Painting with your own vomit seems to be more popular than I thought it would be. To one reviewer who said it grossed her out so much I replied that if he had been able to keep his deer heart and blood down, they probably would have either induced vomitting or performed - well performed fecal collection as the significance of his first kill and it's interaction with his body has meaning. So painting with your own vomit or your own crap were the options available to Harry. Then again, how many stories have Harry serve a detention with Snape and return to say, "I spent the night gutting frogs or collecting rat's eyes."

I've watched a few episodes of that show on Discovery - Ditry Jobs. Pretty disgusting crap people do just to put food on the table.

Don't worry about the partial transformations. It ain't gonna happen. It will be the better part of a month before Harry has clarity durning his animal form. The European method would completely surppress the animal. It doesn't have the side effect of having to learn how to exist with your inner animal, but it lessens some of the strengths of becoming one.

As for Harry maturing, he is beginning to realize a lesson that some of you out there may have already experienced for yourselves. Casual sex with no strings attached is usually mislabeled. It is seldom just casual and most of the time there are hidden 'strings' attached. It will have a profound affect on his relationship with Karina.

Jim