Chapter 17 is out!

I just posted chapter 17. Hopefully the deterioration between Harry and Luna's friendship seems real and believably painful. Have you ever been in one of those situations where nothing you say or write is the right thing. Damned if you do Damned if you don't.

Kudos to IP82. In writing this chapter on at least 4 seperate occasions he would say looks great, but the letters between Luna and Harry aren't right.

I wanted a 'frat boy' movie moment in this fic where Harry is running around trying to get the girl out of his room and what not. I'm pleased with how the scene turned out, but I think someone like Nonjon could have done more with it.

And now for your comments....

Jim

Thanks for the praise slasheh. I really appreciate it. I hope eventually to write my own original stuff and the experience writing here will hopefully pay dividends down the road.

 

Great Harry-Luna.
And we're back to chapter One. Someone should really write a story with James and Lily not being able to have children and adopting a baby goblin.

 

Good chapter it's nice to know that we will finally be moving forward. I went back and read chapter 1 of course, and it's amazing. With the knowledge we have now i would probably say that rereading chapter 1 was the best thing i've read in the last month.

Well I can't wait for the next chapter since I'm not much of a fan of TFtCD.

So now we ask ourselves: jbern > god? I think so.

 

Thanks for the feedback. I'll settle for JBern > JKR. I don't want to offend any dieties.

Any takers for Griphook Potter 'The boy who actually was a goblin'?

Jim

 

Man, there're two things I wait the most in your story: Harry/Luna epistolary counselling, and Harry The Mad Kitty-Cat episodes.

Episode 1:

Episode 2:

And finally we arrived at episode 3. Whoo-hoo!

You are brilliant. Even though slightly Disney-like about these episodes.

I sometimes wonder if he'll become animage with two forms, the other being the Sneaky Squirrel with a Mallet. kekekeke

 

I'll post what I posted in the review (on FFA) here.

In the last two paragraphs, I feel like you forgot to mention that they were transported. I mean, you mentioned that they felt the magic of the transporation thingy and later that everything faded back into existence. But when does everything fade out?

You feel the crackle of magic that will twist you inside out and send you to a hidden city, where your destiny awaits.

Next paragraph:

You squeeze back into existence and see the shapes beginning to amble towards you.

Wouldn't something like this fit better between the last two paragraphs?
'The goblin activated a lever and pushed on some buttons and everything faded out. You feel like traveling in a Goblin cart, but at light speed, but you can't see nothing.'

The rest is excellent.

 

I think that the rupture between Harry and Luna was really abrupt. The fact that Luna was acting jealous towards Karina seems a little bit out of character. Maybe that's just me; somebody like Luna, who has been under a great deal of stress, may behave this way when she doesn't receive a reply after several days.

Anyway. the last chapter was a great read like always, and I'm really looking forward to the story moving on. As I said before, I'm really impatient to see how Harry will deal with his former friends.

 

I enjoyed the way you tied everything back into the first chapter.

Didn't date alot before getting married, but I'd like to believe Luna and Harry relationship, if its still that, is very realistic and utterly brilliant. I like that Luna's hard shell is cracking, but at the end when its all said and done, I'd prefer to still have the crazy lovable Luna.

On the first read of the last three or so paragraphs I was a tad confused, but going back to it. Everything seemed to be in other.

That said, this is the type of brilliance we've come to expect from jbern.

More...

 

Did anyone else get that ominous sense of completion in this chapter, or was it just me? All the little questionmarks straightened out and dots over all the T's.
We've gone full circle, and suddenly all bets are off. We knew a bit about stuff he'd been through and learnt up to this point, and now anything's possible. I doubt even Jbern would rip Harry's legs off or something but who knows, right? Hey, he could lose his nose, leading to the Great Battle Of The Conkless!
Disabled Harry would be new to fanfics. Well, he's usually an emotional cripple, but since he's just a tad insensitive in this story, maybe he'll lose an arm as compensation.

Sorry about the rambling. I find open futures terrifying.

Two weeks 'til next update? Great. I need time to recover.

g

 

Trick question! jbern is god.

 

And you are both ass-kissers. And besides, the only mortal man who can rightly be compared to God is the Immortal Hulk Hogan, brother.

 

I personally am a polytheist.

JBern, LT2000, and a slew of others are gods.

Of course, there is the one trug G_d, Hashem, but let's not get into that today.

And hopefully JKR isn't the standard for being a better writer than. She created the world, but she executed it poorly.

 

You know, if you were to tweak some names , make a backstory and some other things, you would have at the very least a great selling book.

 

Mr. Truck, I agree with you.

Jbern. As far as I'm concerned, and my concern is vast reaching IMO, that was the best chapter I have read thus far. Nuff said, but I shall continue nonetheless... THE END!!!

 

Nice to finally be back to the start. Re reading chapter one after this really brings the whole thing together.

One thing I find odd is the lack of magic from the goblins. I think I remeber you stating in the chapter with the raid on the rebel base that they can't weild magic the same as wizards only ruins and suck.

I find it very odd that a magical creature such as that would have to resort to hand guns to fight the zombies. Throw in a couple of those bear things they turned into a few chapters ago and I think they would be able to do a lot more damage than a pistol.

In fact how exactly does a pistol do ANY damage to a zombie. You would need to unload several bullets in the head to totaly fuck it over or pump it full of so many bullets it falls apart. Not nearly as good as Harrys mini reducto shotgun or and AK that would rip limbs off and go through several zombies at once. A hand gun bullet in the torso wouldnt do shit to a zombie.

And depending on what you think a zombies works by is very important here to. Are they partially animated bodies given a partial incomplete life and thus still need functioning brains to help the bodies work. Or are they just animated bits of meat. If that is the case and it is magic keeping them together it is very possible that a severed arm could continue to opperate with out its body and a body with out a head.

Personally I like that Idea because it gives the zombies a far more scary and unstoppable feel to them. As it is (The way JK writes them)They are scared of fire... so any first year can get rid of them easy (Herman with her blue fire). What a shit creation. Build an army of zombies to have to run away when presented with a bonfire.

Were as you make them unstoppable unless you reduce them to a nice pulp and not be afraid of fire (Which I notice you did )... makes them far more scary.

Well after that rather long winded rant about zombies and there uses I will say it was over all a very enjoyable chapter.

I also found that last letter Harry wrote to Luna very touching. After everything he has been through and all she has done to him deserved or not in what could be some of his final moments he still chooses to write to her to say good bye. You brought a little bit of life back into by cold black heart *tear*.

it said in the letter that it doesnt matter if she tells Dumbledore because Bill has already informed him of Harry being there and what they are about to do. I may have read that wrong or remembering it wrong as it has been 12 hours since I read that chapter but why did Bill inform the order? It seems a kind of stupid thing to do. If they survive they are going to have a big welcoming party of the order and maybe others waiting for them. If they had kept silent they would have been able to divvy up the money and magical crap and kept the order in the Dark and Harry would have been able to go somewhere else once the mission is over. If it was because they may die and Dumbledore needs to know... couldn't Fluer just tell him if they don't report back in?

I also vote for a Harry/Luna if it has to be anything in this although I wouldn't mind in the least if it remains as just Harry/Many randoms.

 

Great chapter. Kind of sucks how bad it is going with Luna, but that's mostly her fault. Not everyone has the patience of a saint, and Harry shouldn't be expected to.

I hope to see where things go now that they have camped out in the Damned City.

 

Bill kinda has to let the order know what the status of their mission is (meaning entering the city of the damned).
Wether he actually told them that Harry is with him or not doesn't really matter on the grand scope of things, as they said they are basically preparing to enter hell, what do they care if dumble and his army wait for him when they come out (if they come out).

 

great chapter, as always..

one thing i don't get tho - shouldn't a broom be the best weapon against inferi?

 

To be explained in the next chapter. The Gringotts branch had wards preventing the use of brooms in the lobby. I am still trying to decide if the conflicting wards on the Zambrano Markowitz Hammer would allow the broom to function.~Jim

 

The Hammer's ad would be an interesting counterpoint to the general seriousness of the atmosphere(i.e., you know, being in a legendary city, etc.)