That was a beautiful chapter; Character death is very hard to do correctly, but you have really pegged it on this one. I'm kind of surprised, honestly:

Spoiler

I was expecting you to off the rest of the goblins, Collins, and Thundercloud and leave Bill's climatic death for the actual Horcrux retrieval. In a way, I guess I was kind of on the money in that you killed him off in the retrieval of a horcrux, but throwing in the existence of another dark lord that wants Riddle dead was sure interesting. Personally, I'm kind of glad that you killed Bill off because of the dynamic it forces onto the story: without Bill there to shield/buffer him, Harry is going to have a much harder time upon his return, making it that much more exciting.

I can't wait for the full fight with the Daemon, maybe Hack will try to go toe to toe?... and on that note, you are running out of meat shields for Harry: does this mean that he's going to start losing limbs sometime soon? I am really looking forward to the Collins fight in that respect. I really want to know how Harry will handle Bill's death, though. He was bad enough over Maria's, but now that he is the only cursebreaker left, I'm kind of curious if he will bug out to hire reinforcements since he can travel freely now.

Keep up the good work! Superb idea with the dragon bone spear; I'm always impressed by the amount of original ideas you bring to bear. Awesome chapter.

 

Character death? Where? It was a dog!

At this point the only thing that supports the character death is the conclusion of a kid who can be hideously, almost fictionally wrong on occasion. That's it! So there! Denial anyone?

I really wanted the Weasley family reunion, and the speech at the wedding. Then again, that would make it Home Again After the Adventure, and why would Jbern allow us such a sedentary release after this rollercoaster?
Since my hopes were cruelly slaughtered, i can't wait for more.

Hell yeah.

g

 

Hell you really did it. The question is still up though if it was just the conclusion of a kid who's not in the right state of mind or its the real thing.

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In light of what happened then I guess a Harry/Fleur is in order?

I wasn't really expecting any of the stuff that happened in this new installment and it is quite good in a way. With the introduction of the new Dark Lord I guess the story once again has a lot of new directions to go to. Keep up the good work and 5/5 for this chapter.

 

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I don't like the statue.

Thw whole idea of it is just wrong. I mean what would you prefer when you die. To bcome a portrait and be stuck in that and other near by portraits forever or a statue free to move around and interact with people. It seems a for superior way to live so why doesnt everyone do it.

Voldemort could have a whole buch of them made and anytime he has a follower killed they come back as a statue. maybe not able to fight with magic but still usefull and have the knowledge. These statue could then run the logistis of his operation while the grunts do the fighting.

You can't say the knowledge has been lost becuase that is a copout that would lower the quality of a very good story.

To me it seemed a cheap short cut for you to give Harry a bunch knowledge so you could rush into this new Darklord which I do like by the way.

The chapter was ok well written and I like how they are becoming used to the dead city and the zombies are now just a annoying thing rather than a threat.

 

I thought it was a good chapter as well. The statue and the dark lordling was an unforeseen twist, and the daemon was unexpected as well. Did I hear you say that a sequel was in the works?

10ded

 

As TEAoS said above me, the statue was kinda iffy.

Still loving it though, glad Harry gets to fight something "alive" once in a while ^^

 

well you could easily say that the famous artist who made the statue was a genius and he never passed his knowledge to others (things like that have happened before you know )
i must admit Bill's death disturbs me a bit, mostly because now harry is the only curse breaker left, and i honestly can't see him unravel the protections, he simply doesnt have enough training or experience.

 

We've established that the zombies are more annoyance at this point than any real threat, the spooky "cursed city" nightmares were just Chilo-mort trying to possess them, and that it's entirely possible to barricade himself into one of the buildings to be safe from all that.

Toss in a lifetime supply of dragonbone for ward crafting purposes, three copies of Gollinards with decades of secret trap recipes, and complete isolation and it begins to look like the perfect place to run when absolutely everything else has hit the fan.

Assume Voldemort follows the HBP level of aggression (killing people on a massive scale), Dumbledore is worse than useless (actively working to bring Harry under his control and keep him obedient), and the Ministry acts as fanon and canon have shown a million times before (arresting people to be seen doing something, being transparent in their war efforts, and caring more about morale than progress). On the other hand you have a haunted city that can double as target practice/test dummies, a wizarding school full of things never taught at Hogwarts, near unlimited resources, well connected people in a corrupt government that owe you favors, and a self destruct button if the shit ever REALLY hits the fan (Demon in a box...). Which option are you going to choose?

Give me the city, I'll come back in a few years after training hard and start pulling shit you've never seen before. Remember that purple armageddon of death? Field of screams? Lightning in a jug? Remember resevoirs, charging runes, and sappers?

Imagine a suit of dragon bone scale maille, covered in rune traps that are proximity based. Imagin the controlling runes are on the inside where they can't be shot out. Imagine four big honking pieces of dragon bone carved to be mini-resevoirs/sappers, sucking in and storing ambient magic, mounted as greaves and bracers.

Imagine standing on Hogwarts front lawn, sucking in power from the wards and draining her ancient resevoirs. Imagine giving a crowd of Death Eaters the finger and charging forward while cursing from your own reserves. It would be a slaughter and you'd be near untouchable so long as you remained somewhere with a decently high concentration of ambient magic to keep it all going.

Harry has the technology, he has the materials, he has written instructions. All he needs is ingenuity, time, and a place to work. The city answers everything but that inborn creativity.

BTW, why is it that the Ministry is so concerned about public morale or being seen doing something? These people are BRITISH, the very definition of stubborn, proud people who refuse to bow to any threat. I seem to recall something called the Blitzkrieg? "We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills; we shall never surrender[SIZE=-1]" Winston Churchill? Or am I thinking of a different island based empire?[/SIZE]

 

Just a Question

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Is it just me or did no one else pick up on the fact that the 'Dark Collins' was limping? Was there anyone else limping? Imperius anyone?

 

The knowledge of building the living statues could be lost, or it could be that there just isn't anyone skilled enough anymore to put the knowledge to use. I am definitely not an art expert I don't really know anything but I at least recognized the name Bernini as a renaissance artist when I read it. I see things like living statues and portraits as being extremely difficult to make and only artists of the highest caliber would have the skill to make them. Since he died during the renaissance artists were a dime a dozen then. We also don't know the limitations on the statues, but it seems like he's tied to the city at the very least.

Eng2000:

 

Of the survivors to this point, at least two of them are smart and experienced enough to see the value of going out and getting some help. Granted, Hack probably can't jump through the hoops required to get the fidelius secret, but both Kwan and Thundercloud can. After Inca-mort eats AK in the bank lobby it's time to portkey out and hire a couple curse breakers and a buttload of new hit wizards. Harry has the secret so he can make portkeys back. They were looking for maps and portkeys at the other ruins, right?

 

One question: have the necro-wards' been dissipated, or did the zombie populations just grew by one?

 

I yield, I yield! All good arguments that I can't easily refute... the dragon-plate armour looks interesting, if Harry has the time needed to make such a thing. What about the proximity of the wards to Harry though? It seems kind of dangerous to have stuff going 'bang!' right next to your body just like that. Also... is dragon-bone as resilient a material as dragon-scale is supposed to be? How heavy is that going to be? Is Harry going to get a Abraxan named Epona?

EDIT: And you do have to worry about the joints - those are the most vulnerable parts of any armored suit... Magic shields?

 

Have the proximity wards facing outwards, duh. As for the joints and whatnot, I was thinking of this more as a walking tank than a suit of armor. He'd have to rely on the usual shield or dodging or whatever, but volume and deadlyness of fire outgoing would actually increase.

 

O.K. This was the climax of the chapter and one of the biggest in the story, where Harry destroys the other guy's Horcrux.

And truth be told, I was very very disappointed with it. Jbern, you know how to write action. You can write epics. But this shit is the stuff that noobies write.

Gods, I was expecting a great scene - like the one you had where Voldemort and Dumbledore dueled in the other story. The main problem is that it's so damn short! You completely underdescribe it. I know that the tone of the story is to give short sentences that describe everything in a brief time. It works with the drama and the everyday things (which is why I like the story). But that stuff shouldn't be used in the most important part of the story. The scene should be longer, more descriptive. Especially when you came and had 15 pages of buildup and several chapters before that create a finale of only 1 paragraph.

You're sending out the light-hearted joking tone that succeeds throughout most of the story in this scene. But I find that, at least from my point of view, it utterly failed to interest me in the climax. Climaxes are meant to be serious and climaxy. There was another climax you had, where Harry had a long internal monologue before breaking out in an Avada Kedevra. That was an appropiate climax. This one isn't. It fails.

One solution you could have for the problem The Erotic Adventures of S pointed out would be to have statues for only famous people. Or perhaps it's a technique lost to the ages. Or perhaps Lorenzo Ghiberti was the only one who could do it.

*Sigh*: Another edit. Who exactly was Collins? I mean, I know Sanchez was the one Harry disliked, Thundercloud the Animagus guy, Kwan the crazy man who trained Harry, Hack the funny troll, and Bill Harry's mentor. (btw, good characterization there: most people can't remember that many OCs) But was there anything special Collins did?

 

He shot stuff.

 

Collins was the american hotshot psycho with a gun.

 

I wonder at the chances of Collins being able to survive. The one horocrux Chilotha had is gone. I can easily imagine Harry drilling the priest-king-wannabe until he has him on his knees and right before the killing blow Collins FINALLY frees himself of the possession. The thoughts that would cross through Harry's head... He would be angry and not able to direct this anger towards anyone. Would he blame Collins?

Also, if Collins does brake free, would he retain Chilotha's Knowledge? Or at least part of it? I know that are a lot of fics out there that have Harry, and sometimes even Ginny, retain Voldemort's entire memory bank after the possession and then still study the NEWT level text books for "the advances in magical theory from the last 50 years" I mean, with the state of the ego of the British wizworld, I doubt that there is nothing new, and the wolfsbane was invented elsewhere and was introduced [read FORCEFED] though some international convention... [panting draws deep breath] Wow! Some rant! Anyways, having the guy retaining knowledge after a possession is a hole lot better then getting Harry to deal with finding Tom's horcrux and destroying it without setting a daemon loose, and that at first try. Though :twisted: it would put a lot of pressure on Jbern to write things realistically.

On a side note, I admire Jbern's ability to draw out (sometimes even squeeze out) emotions from the readers. While at Maria's death there might have been some people who thought 'so what that she's dead, Harry didn't like her anyway and she was dead ugly' I somehow doubt that there was anyone who didn't feel a little bit of something by the end of the chapter, be it regret, disappointment, or anger. If that was one of your goals, then job well done, Jim!

 

Thanks for all the feedback. I have altered my updating schedule and started chapter 21 of Bungle instead of doing the chapter 3 of The Lie I've Lived and then 32 of TFtCD. I figure it would be shameful to leave people on that cliffhanger for nearly a month.

The statue has been met with mixed reviews. The way I envisioned it, it required a master sculpter who was also magical. In this case I chose Bernini. One could also assume that it is more complicated, expensive and time consuming than simply making a wizarding portrait. It also could involve some questionable magic. Perhaps the last ritual act that creates the statue involves the Wizard committing suicide to transfer the smattering of life force?

"Rookwood, I value your mind, but you are magically weak. I've commisioned a statue of you when it is complete, you will kill yourself to activate it, so that I can always have your counsel."

I originally thought to tie De Soto to the city, but opted against it. Otherwise he wouldn't have made the statement that he was leaving the city to warn the world that Chilotha has risen.

As for the comments that the climax seemed off, well the climax was Harry returning to kill Chilotha.

There is supposed to be no defense for the Killing Curse. Why shouldn't it be capable of destroying a Horcrux? It isn't the kind of spell that Dumbledore would use and that got his hand withered in the magical backlash.

Sorry you didn't like this part of the chapter. Hope the battle next chapter makes up for it.

Thanks for the comment about provoking/evoking emotions. It is the highest compliment to know that my keystrokes managed to make you feel an emotion of some kind.

I hope to have chapter 21 done by the middle of next week.

Jim

 

I'm going to have to second the emotions comment. I seriously felt many times more moved reading your death scene than I did when Dumbles died in 6 and that was before I read any fics with manipulative-bastard!Dumbledore.