Well, there's been quite a bit of activity here hasn't there?

First, I enjoy every reveiw - good, bad and ugly. The fact that a person has chosen to comment on my writings still strikes me as a 'hoot'. It's why I make a point to respond to every review (though with a week off I am terribly behind).

Silver Peas has a point and a valid opinion of the story. If it's not his/her cup of tea, he/she has every right to say so. I don't believe it was a 'clunker' in any sense of the word. Tinn Tam has a very good point. I do need to work details. She and I have exchanged a series of messages on this matter and I respect her opinion. In the preceding chapters, I attempted to include more details of the surroundings after reading her commentary.

For this chapter, it was all about the fight. It came in at slightly over 10000 words and was a 'busy' chapter. I felt I gave enough of a setting to get the reader into place. Perhaps it was a bit stark, but at the same time the reader should have seen the image of Harry standing on this block of stone with a zombie horde circling around these weak looking firewalls waiting for all hell to break loose.

I probably could have used more description in the story, but it might have come at the expense of the characterizations of my OC's and even Bill/Fleur to some extent and I'd like to think that the story is about the characters more than the places they inhabit. As I was writing it, I felt that the reader would be more interested in the wards and the battle plan the heroes were trying to accomplish than learning that De Soto's shooter's nest was a two story simple Aztec structure dating from the 1700's with the crumbling stone of the mostly intact roof covered in lichen (always loved that word for some reason) and moss that formed strange almost archane patterns, if you stared at them too long....

I'll keep it in mind that I should pay more attention to the surroundings, but I won't sacrifice the characters to do it.

In the final analysis, the story is already on the bad side of 120k. If I were writing it to be published, an editor would come back to me and say, "Jim, it's nice but it's too damn long already. Cut this. Cut that. Amy? Gone. The animagus ritual, do it in 1/2 the words. Dodgespell, not really worth a full chapter, I'll give you four pages max. Combine Chilotha with the Daemon and make it one final bad guy instead of two. (Actually, that was my original idea...after discussion with IP and Chuck it expanded to two bad guys. Much better IMO.)

Anyway, my goal is to continue to improve as a writer. The critiques tell me where people think I should try and improve. The praise helps keep the creative juices flowing.

For the record, I am an old D&Der. Most often, I was the DM. So maybe the story does play well from a gamer's perspective, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't pay more attention to the non fighting aspects of the chapter.

It was the best chapter I was capable right now. I think I pulled out all the stops. Maybe a few months (years) down the road, I'll look back at it and see where I could have done better, but I'm pretty proud of it.

Now, to answer a few questions. The sequel will stay in 2nd person. The formula works pretty well and would seem odd to change it for the sequel.

I'm starting on the epilogue today, which may be only 1 chapter or spill over into 2. There is quite a bit to cover before Harry is headed back to England...

Thanks
Jim

 

Jim do you mean to imply that Harry won't be crossing with Dumbles and the
Lesser Weasels till the sequel?

You fiend!!!

I can hardly wait.:twisted:

 

I also find myself checking Bungle twice a day, because I'm so looking forward to the next chapter!

How is it coming, Jbern?

 

About 5k into it so far. Several loose ends already tied up several more to go.

Jim

 

So is it going to be 1 or 2. I'd rather see you do two proberly rather than it all crammed into one. That aso has the advantage of us seeing a chapter sooner .

 

Right now it looks like 1, and it will probably check in around 8k total.

Jim

 

I'm already really excited - almost like before Christmas when I was reeeeaaaaallly small.

 

I'm a n00b and a lurker, but I wanted to say that I liked the parts you say an editor would have you edit out. I liked Amy and Dodgespell and all that stuff that are not central to the plot. Also, I don't know how the story would "sound" if you were much more descriptive - the mock paragraph about DeSoto's position (in your comment on this thread) was superfluous, so I think more flora & fauna and picturesque "decorations" won't make the story more alive. After all, you only need to write enough clues for the reader's imagination to have something to work with, not build accurate sound sets for a movie.

 

Thanks for the comments. I enjoyed those parts as well and wouldn't like to see them go, but I know what an editor would say (aside from work on your damn grammar!) about the story if I took it to them.

The final chapter is just under 10000 words. It's awaiting final commentary from the AFC crew and beta work. I think it will be out soon.

Jim

 

I say scrap To Fight the Coming Darkness unless you can do a complete one eighty and take it back to how good it was in the beginning. Your new fic I would like to see more of.

However I must say that I beleive you should go ahead and do the Sequel to this fic NOW!!!

 

at this point I just want to see lots of updates. what can I say I'm addicted.

 

As a rule, I was raised to not start anything I don't intend to finish. TFtCD will be finished and I think you might just be surprised by what's coming next.

Bungle 23 is just about ready to go to final beta. I'd expect to see it in 48-72 hours.

I don't plan to immediately start the sequel. One thing I need to do is compile my list of errata, so I can do the final edits on the story before I call it complete.

Jim

 

Goodie. Goodie.

I can barely wait...

 

Jbern you've done an awesome job

Hope the last chapter is as good as the rest

 

Loved the last chapter. I can't wait for more.

 

Bravo!
A truly well done story with a packing finish and a nice epilogue.
Personally i think the last chapter has really highlighted how much harry has grown over the course of the story. From being an angry teenager to someone who is on the way of being mature and capable of making hard choices.

 

I really liked the end, or was it a sneak peek of the start of "Turn Me Loose".
Looking forward to more of your work.

 

And he bags the indian chick... Nice. Good to know that there will be a back up for the Potter line out there in hiding somewhere. Please, please, PLEASE don't let the Harry/Starless sideplot end here. Having a child is not something Harry would just walk away from completely and I want to hear about it. Kid stands to inherit a lot of money if things go bad. I do wonder though if the Potter Spawn might inherit some demon traits.

It will be VERY interesting to see what happens with the demon blood mutations. Hack the Troll-From-Hell will make a big splash, Harry could do with some (more) enhancement but the changes would most likely be to his animagus form (splashed in his wounds and drank it). A winged jaguar would be pretty weird but maybe Harry could grow to be giganto!jaguar as a result.

 

I don't understand why their was fighting over your writing style in the first place. It's unique to most fanfiction, allows you to delve deeper into the story, and gives more room for an author to portray emotion. This story just got better and better as time went on, though the bit with Bill 'dying' annoyed me as it was so cliche. Your battle scenes are fabulous, though that might be D&D talking through me. What kind of powers are you going to give our resident hero through his ingested daemon blood? Don't do wings, please don't do wings, but maybe some of the defensive daemon magic to spice things up a bit. Outstanding. 5/5

 

It's a pity that the story is over... now we wait for a sequel. I have nothing against your writing style. As Kolskit said, it's unique. It gives this... thing that makes me read it and reread it again.
I wonder how the daemon blood will change Harry... enchanced strength? some magic resistance? a power boost? or a change in aura? Just don't give him wings in animagus form. Besides Hack already got them.