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Abandoned Child of Mercy by Fayr Warning - K (but its hardcore)

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by ChuckDaTruck, Oct 8, 2005.

  1. Oujou Akaash

    Oujou Akaash Unspeakable

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    Man, that is true. I'm hindu my self and we worship those gods. My dad is very religious and he doesn't say anything like that. Again, just like Solcry said, we just don't care.
     
  2. Nexus

    Nexus Denarii Host

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    o_O. Oujou, If you remember correctly I had asked you once if you were of Indian origins. I remember you saying you werent...funny......

    And I concur. Even if you want to include some gods name include Ram at best. Shiva is the Lord of destruction, kind of stupid to ask the Lord of Destruction to make something better. I have never in my life heard anyone say "O Shiva", its usually "Hey Bhagwan(God)".

    Also we have an Indian brought up in Britain on our forums (xXx_A_xXx). I dunno if she has reviewed but I think her thoughts would be most accurate.

    I love this fic and still am in the process of reading it. The gods name is just a small thing devoid of which this is a great story. The english is good with rarely any, if any mistakes. The author presents a slightly surreal Harry. I wouldnt call him super powered because he doesnt have any over whelming powers.

    The author has a penchant for dwelling into people's mind which makes me think that the author has come in contact with the subjects involving the human mind.

    I wont give a big-ass review as I don't have the patience to write them down for one fanfiction I have read amongst the hundred others I read in this week.

    In all I give this fic a 4.5/5. I dunno if anyone has contacted the author, but I am going to since something as inconsequential as an unknown religion should not be the negative side of a Fic.
     
  3. Vorpal

    Vorpal Third Year

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    Could be. But conflating "Hindu" and "Indian" is a bit like conflating "Jewish" and "Israeli" or even "Buddhist" and "Thai". All those terms intersect--some more than others--but saying that one automatically implies the other is just silly.
     
  4. Klael

    Klael Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Ah, yes, I can provide evidence of that....

    Back to the story: I think it's good enough for the library. Original piece, and the writing has significantly improved--an aspect of fanfiction that is quite rare.
     
  5. Nexus

    Nexus Denarii Host

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    Jews have Israeli origins. Hindus have Indian origins. I never implied that being one means that the other is a given. Also Buddhism has Indian origins so get your facts straight and read the statemens properly. I am Indian myself and I had asked someone if they were of Indian origins. Now if you tell me that Hindus can randomly crop up in the air without having any connection to India then I am afraid that you lost any respect I might have developed for you.

    Back to the story as Darksov said. I was in the middle of it when I last posted. I seem to be seeing a lot of mistakes in the comparatively new chapters. As if the spell checker keeps chaging things to somethign that doesnt belong there. Chap 5: "We all own him that".
     
    Last edited: Jan 7, 2007
  6. Klael

    Klael Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    Judaism has Israeli origins; Jews, for the most part, come from Europe and the Unites States. I can personally trace my own line back to Russia, Latvia, Estonia, and Poland; but that's not the point. The point is that we're getting off topic. Let it be that Hindus don't say that, and let's move on, ok? If you want to have an argument with someone, use the PMS.
     
  7. LT2000

    LT2000 Heir

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    Either that, or create a seperate thread elsewhere. No more hijacking the story thread.
     
  8. Nexus

    Nexus Denarii Host

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    I am sorry for making an irrelevant post, But I just had to do this.

    Anyways I apologise for the little deviation from the topic.
     
    Last edited: Jan 8, 2007
  9. Hadoren

    Hadoren High Inquisitor

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    Compliments (going by the story - this is a random flow of thoughts):

    Once I gave a post - http://forums.darklordpotter.net/showpost.php?p=78299&postcount=10 - about a story that very effectively described why Harry was sent to the Dursleys instead of another wizarding family. Well, this is it. Kudos to Fayr Warning for giving the best Manipulative!Dumbledore explanation for this that I've ever seen.

    She also has a very unique characterization of Ollivander as just a normal person - not the usual superman everybody else makes him into. And best of all, she does this in only one paragraph.

    Going on characterization, Harry's character is completely developed and very constant by the 2nd chapter - cynical, sarcastic, and reluctant to admit that he's having a good time when he actually is.

    In fact, Fayr Warning is a master at this aspect of writing. Her narration of Terry Boot's life just enchanted me.

    Another plot device she uses is to comment introspectively on the story a lot. In doing this, the author seems to tie in her own views on what the wizarding world is like - much like Joe6991 does. Some may say that this is a form of Mary-Sueism, but I personally think that it adds another dimension to the story.

    For all Brit-pickers, this story isn't one to attack. There are subtle hints that create the sense that Harry Potter lives in Britain such as mentioning the World Cup.

    The club that Flint founds is brilliant. Some may say that there's no cannon evidence that Flint is smart, but remember that canon is from Harry Potter's view. He judges all Slytherins harshly and superficially.

    Criticisms (going by the story flow again):

    One minor criticism that I have about this story is that Harry gets into Ravenclaw. Now, the author gives a perfectly legitimate reason for this - that Harry's very interested in learning stuff. This gives a contradiction in the story. In the first chapter, it states that Harry isn't interested in learning itself and merely wishes to get to Eton as a King's Scholar to avoid the Dursleys. But now the author's stating that this isn't true: Harry just loves to learn magic. To solve this problem, the author should simply declare that Harry was interested in the stuff that Harry learned at Fairfax Academy or that magic is the only thing that interests Harry. But she hasn't.

    Fayr Warning is great at describing the environment and culture of a setting by briefly showing the experiences other people in it feel. I've never actually seen an author do this before. In my opinion, more authors should follow her example. Nevertheless, after a while it gets somewhat irritating and redundant when she does the same thing over and over again. Having said that, I can't figure out a better way to create the setting.

    The main complaint I have in the story is that there is no conflict. Quirrel's barely mentioned. Snape's dismissed as unimportant. Dumbledore's manipulations - if they exist - are invisible and he can't read Harry's mind. There are several opportunities where the author can create suspense, but she fails. At the way the story's currently going, Harry's going to make friends, become a power at the school, get magically strong, etc. etc. But this is boring. I don't want to read a story where Harry does this without anything dragging him behind at all.

    Let's go to the Grangar scene. It was done well - especially the characterization, which I think is a forte of Fayr Warning. Yet here you have a great moment to create some obstacles for Harry to have. Let's say Grangar had died and it came out that Potter was there (somebody was watching him). Actually, Grangar doesn't need to die; all that needs to happen is that somebody tells the reporters of this. Imagine the bad media, the hatred that would be poured onto him, the sudden conflict that would emerge. But it's too late now. If somebody would've done this, they'd have done it immediately and not now.

    Another example is Harry's magic. The rendering of Harry's magical powers both makes him unique and not a God. Once again, the author proves her innovative skills. And her description of Harry as an elemental is pretty effective. But among these good points, the fact remains that there was the potential to create a conflict when it was shown that Harry didn't have the power to defend himself with charms. Unfortunately, several chapters onward, Fayr Warning magically (pardon the pun) fixes this mistake by making Harry use transfiguration to create a shield. While certainly cool for dueling, you lose more conflict.

    And also look at Albus Dumbledore's attempt to read Harry's mind. It failed. It should've succeeded. Other than the author's obvious Deux ex Machina here, once again she throws away an opportunity to make something go on here.

    Fortunately, there seems to be a plot that's going to come. The author has hinted several times before that Harry's different magical abilities will ostracize him from the community. Combined with his cold attitude, this could certainly make things interesting. Also the dislike Malfroy has taken toward Harry might hint at trouble ahead. Might I suggest a convenient accident for him (perhaps involving transfiguration)?

    My final complaint is what happens in the majority of the last chapter. Harry goes back to the Dursleys. Now, this has good characterization and writing - as does all of Fayr Warning's work. But the logic doesn't stick. Petunia Dursley's reason is supposedly that Harry must attend a ball. But I'm 100% sure that she can give an effective excuse - like, persay, that Harry's sick and in no condition to go out. If the true reason was that Dumbledore ordered this to happen, Fayr Warning should also remember that Dumbledore has no motive for this and that he didn't do it in canon. Moreover, the entire scene was pointless. Unless Gustav is going to be a trusted ally or friend that Harry has, the only thing that it seems to do is to develop characterization - which is already good enough. The author should simply have reduced the whole entire ball scene to a short paragraph.

    When I first read the story, I got very excited. It seemed to be a type of story where Harry would go into Slytherin, stay quiet, get powerful, and control the school. (much like Tom Riddle) But right now, I'm somewhat disappointed. It just doesn't seem that the story's full potential has been carried out. Then again, my expectations were nearly impossible to fulfill; in fact, I can only name TheJackofDiamonds as somewhat succeeding in this.

    And despite everything, despite being part of a category of fanfiction that I love, despite all these great and original mechanisms the story has, I still feel that it isn't epic - that it doesn't deserve a 5/5. There's something missing in the story - something that I can't truly describe, something that Reign of Power has but this story doesn't have.

    In conclustion, this is a great story. 4.75/5 at the beginning. 4.6/5 as it goes on - notice that all my criticisms come near the end of her WIP.

    Oh yeah, one last thing. Fayr Warning, please UPDATE!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D
     
  10. Fayr Warning

    Fayr Warning First Year

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    I updated.
    Now excuse me as I hide under a rock. People can get...scary.

    --Fayr Warning
     
  11. Oujou Akaash

    Oujou Akaash Unspeakable

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    Rep points for you. I agree with Belerdorhan but some i don't. I'm not going into any details (too lazy) or anything, and all i can say is keep it up fayr.
     
  12. MysterioX

    MysterioX Professor

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    The mirror of Erised blown up!!! Never seen that happen so early in a fic. Can’t wait to see the kind of *Positive* side effects it will have on Harry.
     
  13. Verse of Darkness

    Verse of Darkness Denarii Host

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    Interesting... the mirror exploded. I'd love to see what side effects it's going to have on Harry and possibly the caslte.
     
  14. Oujou Akaash

    Oujou Akaash Unspeakable

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    first of all, i wonder what happened to the stone it self. Did it turn to ashes or was it the trigger that caused the explosion of the mirror or it's something else. Meh! Who knows but the author.
     
  15. Dark Syaoran

    Dark Syaoran Golden Patronus Admin

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    Enchanted, you say?

    Anyway, this latest chapter is probably the best of them all. Reading it, I seriously thought another author had written it. The story is decent and keeps me fairly interested, but this was something else. It stepped up a gear.

    I enjoyed this latest chapter and hope for more of the same.

    The weird thing is, I can't exactly pinpoint why this chapter was better than the others. Maybe it's because something important finally happened or just something far more interesting than Flint calling Harry an Asp. Or showing off his unique magic style. Or... well, you get the point.
     
  16. greynight0

    greynight0 Guest

    ummm... hi im new here

    anyway Belerdorhan's post about why harry is in ravenclaw when he doesn't care to learn i think its because he wants to know 'why'. for example he when being sorted he asks the claw what it is and he replies magic then he wants to know why he is magic. later we also see an example of this in herbology where he asks why a magical plant is magical. anyway thats my theory hehe...

    umm...bye
     
  17. ChuckDaTruck

    ChuckDaTruck Overlord

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    LEARN TO TYPE.

    Capitalize at the beginning of a sentence. I can't read what you wrote. Seriously.

    That's it.
     
  18. The-Hyphenated-One

    The-Hyphenated-One Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    I feel like being amused, go write an intro greynight.

    Hopefully a new chapter comes up quickly, because the story is written very well, but the updates take forever which forces me to re-read it after every update.
     
  19. Klael

    Klael Headmaster DLP Supporter

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    After? That seems like a bad idea. Why not read the rest of it before you read the update? Seems like that's a much better idea.
     
  20. Gabrinth

    Gabrinth Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Definitely one of the better, if not the best, stories that I have read of this type. I love the writing style for some reason. The author does everything I've never been able to do. I haven't completed it yet and I will give my review when I do. I hope the updates speed up and the author finishes this. It is very well done.