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Abandoned Control by Anonymous58 - M

Discussion in 'Dark Arts' started by Andro, Apr 13, 2010.

  1. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Title: Control
    Author: Anomynous58
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure/Angst
    DLP Category: Dark Arts
    Pairing: Harry/Tonks
    Chapters: 11
    Words: 125,272
    Updated: December 8, 2011
    Published: April 3, 2010
    Status: Abandoned

    Summary: I'm sick of the manipulation, the lies and the deceit; sick of jumping to the tune of dark lords and old puppeteers. I'm cutting the strings. Innocents will pay in blood for my defiance, but I no longer care. I lost my innocence long ago. Dark!Harry
    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5866937/1/Control

    I'm recommending the best new fic I've read in recent memory.

    There are a few missteps, but they can easily be redeemed. I'll enumerate them here:

    Harry being driven to the typical snap moment from overblown Dursley abuse. The manipulative!Dumbledore hasn't been explained yet. Harry manages to kill two Aurors despite no training at all.

    These are more than outweighed by the positives. Right now it's in Azkaban territory, and it's a very good interpretation of the prison. There's a great sequence which depicts the process of the Dementor's Kiss.

    Fantastic portrayal of Bellatrix in the newest update. The circumstances of their first encounter is interesting, and . The characterization isn't forced at all - she's unpredictable, "edgy", swerves from sanity to insanity without you thinking that the author is desperately trying to write her that way.

    4/5 right now, for its imagination and strength of execution. Very close to a 5/5 in terms of style, which I don't say lightly.

    Edit: Sesc, this is where you should be taking pointers for writing Bellatrix. ;)


    Checked by Minion, Nov. 25, 2012
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 25, 2012
  2. Juggler

    Juggler Death Eater DLP Supporter

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    Outlook; not so good. I may recall reading this summary somewhere before, and from the negatives you describe, it sounds like it's 3/5 material at best. For me, one character being well-described is never enough to bring up the rating (especially since it's a character I usually prefer to not give a damn about).

    I'm thirty seconds into reading, and he's already bleeding all over the goddamn place cuz of Dursleys and blaming Dumbledore with his suprememly evil evilness.

    Will edit if this destroys all my low expectations.

    Naise. I rate it 4/5, because the emo angst at the start of the chapters is a lame introduction, but it does about everything else right (including Dursley abuse, although I still don't like it even with good reasoning).

    The first and only Slytherin!Harry that I've seen that doesn't make a big deal of it, which becomes grating after reading it every time.
     
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2010
  3. Oz

    Oz Heir to Hogwarts Moderator DLP Supporter

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    Five out of fucking five-- that was amazing. o_o

    Stop being a faggot and keep reading, Juggler. The first chapter isn't that bad and it gets epic really quickly.
     
  4. Shinysavage

    Shinysavage Madman With A Box Prestige

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    That's going to haunt my dreams...

    I'm a little wary - I'm not a huge fan of really dark Harry, and there are a few cliches. But it's well written, and interesting, and the last chapter has some ridiculously awesome stuff in. I'm definitely going to be following it.
     
  5. Sesc

    Sesc Slytherin at Heart Moderator

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    WTF epic shit. I'm in fucking love, and I only read the first chapter. 5/5 right thar, will edit more later.

    Edit:
    Yeah,

    I love the tone, and the style/narrative fits perfectly. Love that too. Props for telling the story he wants to tell and not starting with First-Year-Harry; what is missing from in-between is told as the story goes on. Why can't everyone else make it that way too? Plus, it makes for a nice few surprises while reading, for example, until it was shown, I had no idea
    Harry wasn't the BWL.

    Bellatrix is done superbly, meandering steadily between insanity and more lucid moments, fuck it, that's how she's supposed to be. Read that and learn, all you wannabe-Bella-writers. The plot is gripping, keeping you on edge constantly, also thanks to the revelations as the story goes along, as I said.

    Yeah, Harry is a little overpowered (for his age! - not in general, IMO), but no one cares >_> It's the exact thing I want to read.


    So all in all, it's an awesome start, and if the author only has a shred of an idea where he wants to take that story (aka, he isn't making shit up as he goes along), it shall be an awesome story. Best new thing I've read in ages.

    5/5
     
    Last edited: Apr 14, 2010
  6. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander Prestige DLP Supporter

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    This deserves nothing less than 5/5. Epic shit. I just hope he doesn't abandon it.
     
  7. Torak

    Torak Death Eater

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    These wise men have spoken. 5/5 Read this now bitches
     
  8. digitalstorm

    digitalstorm Seventh Year DLP Supporter

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    It could end up being epic win or descend into fail.

    I'll give it a tentative 4/5.
     
  9. KrzaQ

    KrzaQ Denarii Host DLP Supporter

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    4/5 From me. Definitely one of best fics I've read lately. Also, pretty much what Sesc said.
     
  10. Sooner90

    Sooner90 Groundskeeper

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    -It's shit like this that makes me want to write a first-person story. It just brings you in closer to the action. I like the style and feel of this. Good stuff. 4/5
     
  11. Howdy

    Howdy Dark Lord

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    I'm not really understanding why Harry is some sort of clawed, winged, fanged thing in his mindscape, but I'm enjoying it none the less.

    Also, it's very interesting to me that Dumbledore is uncertain about who is the Child of Prophecy despite Neville filling the role that canon Harry did, supposedly.
     
  12. knothead

    knothead Groundskeeper

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    Okay... This story has promise. There's good writing. I love the flashbacks. I like the characterization of Tonks.

    What I don't like: Cliched idiosyncracies of characters (e.g., Tonks, Umbridge, Dumbledore, and Moody-- must I see references to metamorphing, throat clearing, legilimancing puppet master, and Constant Vigilance all the freaking time... geez); Three-Part Prologue.

    Hold on...

    :O_O: Three-Part Prologue!?! :O_O:

    Yikes!

    It has the potential to be a good story and worth being in the library but the cliches are too much for me as is the 3-part prologue. The prologue's existence as is makes me think that this story is going to be excessively wordy (not that I'm against long fiction, it's just that a 3-part prologue makes me think of bad Robert Jordan-- I struggled to get through the lengthy prologue in Eye of the World). No official vote because it's way way way too early, but unofficially, it's currently 3.5 stars rounded down to 3 stars.
     
  13. Vir

    Vir Centauri Ambassador Prestige DLP Supporter

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    This fic is great. I can't wait to read the next update.
     
  14. Andro

    Andro Master of Death DLP Supporter

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    I think it just bespeaks ambition, and is at worst a superficial thing. If they were simply titled Chapters 1-3 instead you wouldn't be complaining about it.
     
  15. headbanger

    headbanger Seventh Year

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    Didn't like it at all. Spitting-in-rage!Vernon was always annoying and abandoned/abused!Harry got very old very quickly a very long time ago. At least it's a little original in that it's not a canon rehash up to the point where this story happens, though that is little consolation considering that we don't see what the hell changed for Harry to get sorted into Slytherin. Not going to rate, anyway.
     
  16. JWH

    JWH Unspeakable

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    Holy shit yes. This is shaping up to be awesome. As Sesc said in his ff.net review, this could attain Only Enemies level in term of Bellatrix characterization.

    5/5 so far, hope the author doesn't screw up and keeps on updating.
     
  17. ulkser

    ulkser Groundskeeper

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    it's been too long since I read a lengthy overall good fic. The only thing bothered me is that flame thing. I hope the author won't put more significance behind that than now.
     
  18. Sooner90

    Sooner90 Groundskeeper

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    You know, one indicator that this is a good fic is that it DOES have a lot of cliche's packed into it....and it works anyway. Some of those things I really don't care for: 1) mental shields and mindscape castles 2) sudden and unearned, instinctive magical mastery (cracking Dumbledore and Moody's shields, Flamma Negra ex machina, etc..

    But, this fic succeeds anyway. Even the flashbacks are handled well.
     
  19. Terrai

    Terrai Second Year

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    Interesting story so far, as it diverges into a different plot. First person is rare as well and it's done quite well. Hopefully he'll continue updating, however the prologue doesn't seem like a prologue though.

    4.5/5 for now since I didn't like the cliched and angst beginning, Vernon spitting in rage...
     
  20. knothead

    knothead Groundskeeper

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    I hope you're right about the ambition, and you are right about the chapter titles. I know I wouldn't have complained as much as I have.