I'd hardly call that duelling. Besides Fenrir, they were already distracted by the students. Harry just took potshots as he ran past them.

 

Nope. The "brute faced death eater" Harry was on the tower alone with, the unknown one was also just Harry and the Death Eater (in fact, the DE ambushed Harry). Fenrir, as you say, was on his own. Harry only had help with Amycus.

And this is just HBP. Can't forget OotP and the DoM either. Harry was faring pretty well against Bellatrix, even landing a spell on her. If that had been a stunning spell rather than a crap Cruciatus, he would have won that duel.

My general point is this: that success in duelling has very little do to with magical skill, and much more to do with reflexes. I would say that a dueller with good instincts, but only allowed to use a Stunning spell and a shield, would trump a magical genius who had worse instincts any day.

 

Ah, so using an advantage that you're opponent doesn't know you have is not allowed?

Yet still came the closest out of anyone other than Snape to killing Harry that night.

As I already allow.

You say he fires blindly and scores a lucky hit, I say he responded quickly to an attack which would have resulted in many other wizards being down for the count, performs timely evasive action and responds to the attack in an appropriate manner. Moreover, Harry's aptitude is duelling in this case is further shown by the fact that it was an ambush and he still came out on top.

The above "luck hit" guy is who I was referring to when I said the DE near Hagrid's hut.

Disagree. OotP DoM shows this, as does your "lucky hit" guy.

Susan's skill has also been exaggerated as well as Harry's downgraded. Again, I reference instincts. Susan has never shown any duelling aptitude, whereas Harry has. That Harry was the teacher and Susan the student in the DA, at the same age, with the same training, shows that Harry is just naturally better at duelling than Susan. She may work harder than him, but there are just some things you can't learn, especially in the time they've been training. Reflexes born of a lifetime of being under threat and in fights is one of them.

If it were someone like Kingsley beating him, then I could easily accept that. Kingsley has been shown to be not only good with magic but also an exceptional dueller. But Susan and Seamus being better than Harry at duelling, just because they've had an extra year of magical training unrelated to duelling? Nope.

 

Good story, but either feels unfinished. Or it was meant to be a smut story, in which case it fails to the degree that I can't see it being that.

4/5. Could be better but I am generous to any story, one shot or not that takes the lucky cannon Harry and takes him down a peg or two. I don't care who you are you all have to agree that cannon Harry did shit all and got the girl, (Which can be seen as a punishment to me, but he...*Shudder* loves that...Thing.) got the job and had no problems after that.

 

My point wasn't that Harry was hit by the spell less than another wizard would be, but that Harry, due to being a good fighter, was able to work through the pain and recover quickly enough to evade and respond, whereas another wizard would not have.

Agreed there. But if you're going to have one, I'd say instincts are better, as Harry vs. Hermione shows.

 

This. The difference between a good fighter and a bad fighter is how quickly you recover from a hit.

Most people stand there like an idiot when someone starts beating their ass, and finally start defending only after getting the floor wiped with them. A guy who, the second after he's hit, flips around and starts defending (and even attacking) has good instincts.

Shit, almost all self defense is about when, instead of how. I'd say that someone who has no idea how to fight but reacts quickly is more likely to come away in better health from a fight than someone who knows good techniques but doesn't react at all. Learning to defend yourself is more about the former than the latter anyway.

2/5. It was ok... though Freud would have a fucking field day with the author <_<.

 

What the fuck ever. If you want to go through every single time canon Harry faced someone and find a reason to discount it, so be it. But then find me an example of Susan Bones even casting something competently, much less busting out mad dueling skillz. She's a Hufflepuff, for christ's sake, which is JKRese for "Downs syndrome".

That's what's really annoying about this fic (and I found it intensely annoying). Yes, canon Harry is mildly retarded. But he's our mild retard, and he earned his spurs in a way that none of the other kids his age did, by having balls the size of giant watermelons and brains the size of a pea.

Guess what, bitch - killing basilisks and Horcruxes and Voldemorts DOES mean you shouldn't have to take a fucking final exam in Potions to enter Auror training.

 

3/5 from me. The characterization was a bit off, but interesting none-the-less.

Quoted for some serious fucking truth.

 

3/5. I think I would really like this if it didn't include the sex (since that wouldn't have anything to do with a novel length fic) and instead have Susan motivate Harry to get better. In something this short however it just annoyed me that Harry was such a bitch. Could have made a good full length story I think though.

 

QFT.

The smut was okay in this fic.. but everything else was kinda bad.

Susan the self insert who's more awesome then a 'more-retarded-then-canon' Harry, using her awesome skills of everything to trick Harry into fucking her because she's so much better? Ya it was pretty average.

2.5/5 rounded up to 3/5

 

Quiet fool. If you were training to become a fireman and were excluded from having to learn how the hose works because you'd saved a couple of people from a fire earlier, does that make you eligible to becoming a fireman? No, so shut the fuck up.

Aurors are supposed to be highly trained. The best of the best. And there are high standards for who gets in because of that. If you miss out a year's worth of knowledge that will almost certainly be used in your job, it shows, and it sets you at a disadvantage right from the start.

After all, say said Auror trainee is sitting at a bar, gathering a bit of information as an exercise, and someone slips a potion into his drink. He doesn't notice because the potion was covered in seventh year at Hogwarts, which he missed, and he just thinks his drink is a bit off. Auror trainee then dies, or is befuddled enough to think his boss is suddenly a Death Eater, or that Avada Kedavra is a perfectly reasonable way to solve problems.

On the fic though - I liked it. Sure, it plays up the idiot!Harry setting a bit and the sex comes out of nowhere, but it was amusing and made me smile a bit. So I'll give it a 4/5, especially because it was well written. This definitely seems to be a love it or hate it fic.

 

This was weak, and the sex left me feeling old.

Not for the library.

I need a Susan to bone.

 

Respectfully, no.

This.

Pretend I wrote this quote. Frighteningly, I once again find myself agreeing wholeheartedly with you about something.

This Harry can't duel his way out of a sack and he's arrogant. Canon Harry, though quite flawed, is neither arrogant, nor an incompetent duelist.

That's what always really rubbed me the wrong way about Snape; the asshole struts into class on the first day talking about bottling fame and putting a stopper in death, he treats Harry like garbage despite being the reason his parents are dead, then accuses near ego-less Harry of arrogance? Snape is very nearly the most arrogant person in the books, rivaled only by Albus, Voldemort, and Ministry pricks like Scrimgeour and Umbridge (Fudge was too much of a wimp to be truly arrogant, he's more of a blowhard).

That Harry's so willing to engage in angry sex with someone who, clearly, has been pissing him off for some time now, doesn't say much about his character either (same for Susan, who apparently resents him and thinks he's an arrogant, over-priveleged punk, but still wanted to fuck him).

Uh, yes, that's exactly what makes it more unlikely.

Harry has spent his entire life fighting in one way or another. During the span of the books we see him defeating a dark lord multiple times, defeating monsters,

What do we see Susan do? Jack squat, but we do know she hasn't dueled dark lords and survived, she hasn't killed a thousand year-old basilisk, outmaneuvered a nesting dragon, fought her way to the end of a monster-filled maze, escaped Gringotts on the back of an angry dragon... And if she did do all those things, then JKR really dropped the friggin' ball when she wrote the books.

What we do know is that she was taught by Harry. He's more qualified by default and one year of being taught by oppressive death eaters at Hogwarts isn't going to suddenly cause her to surpass him. If she or anyone else did any actual fighting at Hogwarts during its occupation, then one of two things would happen; either Hogwarts would have been liberated early, or the students causing trouble would have been dealt with severely (permanently if they proved to be a continuing annoyance). I doubt she got much legitimate dueling experience there.

Not knowing much about her isn't grounds for her suddenly superseding Harry's abilities in a fight. I could say that Millicent Bulstrode spends Hogsmeade weekends barnstorming for air shows in a vintage bi-wing plane, wearing nothing but three Chocolate Frog Cards and a sticking charm, after all, "We know next to nothing about her".

This story is nothing but Harry bashing coupled with an abrupt sex scene, initiated for nearly the worst reasons (at least it was consensual). Frankly, the good grammar, spelling, and general 'construction' were totally wasted on the lame plot, sex, and characterization.

 

...It's a short that is mildly amusing. Does there really need to be a thread many times its length discussing it?

And yes, it is inconsistent with cannon. Who gives a shit? Cannon is inconsistent with cannon.

 

Welcome to For Review.

I give a shit. You butcher HP characters, I'll butcher you. You create a Mary Sue, I'll kill it. With my teeth. I'm picky on good characterisation like that; then again, to each their own pet peeves.

This fic sounds like something I'd hate, but I'll read it sometime tonight just to know what the fuss is all about. Will edit with comments.

 

Thats absolutely fine. Now the question is, can other people kill it in around the same amount of words you used.

Instead of paragraphs and fucking paragraphs.