The reason the sex scene was placed was because the other had nothing to go on: the initial idea was a puff of air that dissipated long before it reached the end.

A change from the usual stuff that gets posted here. Not refreshing, but at least amusing in its difference.

So do I, but the magnitude of shit I give is usually proportional to either length, quality or the amount of interest it evokes. Since this is pretty much PWP with a redundant, if amusing, prelude to the sex (which I skipped), meh.

 

Fighting a basilisk is combat experience, pure and simple. If you can go toe to toe (so to speak) with something that big and deadly and not shit yourself and/or die, I imagine you're going to be that much better in a fight in general. Certainly the average death eater (or generic magical criminal in a post-Voldemort world) is less frightening than a basilisk.

It may not require the same tactics as fighting a human, but if you can survive through it and not freeze or go to pieces, you're ahead of the game, especially when it comes to keeping your head in a fight. Same goes for every other extreme situation Harry survived through while Susan was sitting in the Hufflepuff common room playing Gobstones or at home trying to decide how she would plait her hair that day.

I'm saying that there's an awful lot of ground to cover between Harry's amount of combat experience and 'on the job training' (read as 'surviving the trouble that finds him'), and anything Susan Bones was even remotely hinted at having done; too much ground for a simple "We know next to nothing about her" to cover, without some reasonable explanation.

Instead we get 'Look at me, I'm a super auror and Potter stinks! Don't question it, I trained real hard this one year!'

The fact that Harry is a complete douche in this one-shot, blows the characterization and any suspension of disbelief that might have been preserved. Maybe if Harry were getting beaten by her, but only got frustrated instead of acting like a prick, it would have been easier to accept the inordinately large chasm between Harry's skill and Susan's uber domination of all things auror.

Instead the vibe is, 'Gee, Harry is totally OOC, I guess that's why Susan suddenly became Mary-Sue-Auror.' Not good. It makes it fall apart.

I'm not stressing it, because it's just a PornWithoutPlot one-shot, but it does boggle my mind how anyone thinks this is good enough (even for a one-shot) to handwave the Harry bashing and the sudden level-up that Susan was given.

It's not even good as a lemon, so once again I have to wonder how anyone could simply ignore the shortcomings. Unless a Harry bash was what they were looking for... which it still doesn't do well, considering he still got to fuck the woman that pissed him off and she even said he did well.

It fails as a straight up fic, it fails as a lemon, and it fails as Harry bashing. The spelling was pretty good...

I fail to see why it's even on this forum.

Tinn Tam: Speaking of pet peeves, thank you for canonizing TFB, so to speak.

 

Agreed, but if someone asks me to explain something, I'm going to spell it out for them.

My own personal analysis of this story would have ended after that little three letter neologism which can explain so much with so little: 'Meh'.

Although 'ugh' comes pretty close, too.

 

You are all faggots.

Even Tinn...because I am slowly working her over that way.

But not Warlocke...he had me at Neologism.

-deliberate non sequitur is deliberate-

 

I thought it was pretty decent. It served its purpose, but actually created a background for the story line. It was also detailed well.

I have also seen an upsurge in Harry/non-Hermione orGinny fics. I like it.

4/5

 

I actually agree with Taure and Warlocke. I dislike a number of canon!Harry's traits as much as the next person, but disregarding all his weaknesses which might otherwise have made him an awesome wizard, you have to admit he still has pretty good dueling instincts.

I can accept Susan outscoring him in a number of NEWT examinations. I can even accept Susan outperforming him in some of the Auror theoretical tests. But I can see no way at all that she can beat him in any of the practical aspects of the tests or dueling, specifically.

2/5

 

Agreed. I think someone already said something about a Mary-sue self insert. Ah well. 2/5

 

This. That's what I hated the most in this story; the concept of Susan wtfpwning Harry irked me to begin with, but I can appreciate a story -- not necessarily like it, but at least admit it's good -- even when I dislike the premise. But this made me want to slap some bitch. OOCness, character-bashing, Mary-Sue (I wouldn't go so far as to call it a self-insert), this piece is one big failure in the field of characterisation.

Holy fucking hell, someone kill this bitch with a fucking bazooka and bleach everything she ever touched. That line is the worst of what someone like Hermione could say, if Hermione had been a little slutty. As for wishing it had been a chaptered fic? The idea faintly disgusts me. What would it look like, Harry changing and becoming wonderful thanks to awesome Susan's luuuuurve and bossing around? Sounds like what I hate in most Harry/Ginny fics.

Plot's so-so (I still don't get how you go from insulting/demeaning someone thoroughly to giving him a handjob), writing's good. In all objectiveness I should give it 2/5. I'm not feeling objective, though, so 1/5 -- because Susan's character really pissed me off.

 

I have no problems believing that Susan could be better at duelling than Harry. There is no hard and fast rule that Harry should be the top in duelling. And we hardly have any indication in canon of what Susan Bones was capable of, or what her abilities.

That said, I was no fan of the story simply because it is very unlike Harry to be so ridiculously OOC and turning Susan Bones into someone who wants to kick Harry around because he got in easier than her? Nah! That is just idiotic and her behaviour in the story made me want to poison her. Character bashings all round, with very few redeeming qualities.

Score : 2/5

 

Perhaps what is lacking in this fic is the fact that it claims to be somewhat canon and even in that it seems to fail.

I don't see canon Harry whining about how much he sacrificed to beat Voldemort, that seems rather out of character, canon or otherwise. Ron I could see whining about that, but not Harry.

Susan is mostly a blank slate so it is conceivable she could be some wonder witch, but don't do a canon type story and then turn canon on its ear. Change like that needs to be gradually done, or you will have the Sue syndrome or a super plot device type issue.

Both characters grated on my nerves, and in that at least it was canon. By the end of DH I hated every character Rowling wrote...

2.5/5 for being in coherent English if nothing else.