Some of my favourite quotes from Naruto fanfiction. . .mainly from the godly work that is foxhound .

Naruto decided right then and there that this odd fellow was a kami in disguise and should be treated with the respect he deserved. In other words, he’d wait to hear what excuses the man had for scaring the shit out of him before he killed him and took the masterpiece that was on his head.

Lee spun like a top towards the newcomer, accidentally throwing Ino across the room.
“Oh Gai-sensei!”
“Oh Lee!”
“Oh God…” Kakashi muttered as he pulled his forehead protector down over his exposed eye again. He would avoid watching the beautiful beasts hug if it killed him. Besides, if he leaned back and acted like he was asleep, maybe they’d leave him alone.

It gave a weary sigh as it finished reading the card from Gai’s team. “Lee says ‘hi.’”
“Really?” Naruto said suspiciously as he grabbed the scalpel off the floor and tucked it into his pouch. The same person who forgot his shoes must’ve forgotten his kunai too. He’d need every sharp tool he could find. His thoughts drifted back to what the clone had said about Lee. “What does it really say?”
“He and Gai filled the entire thing with crap about ‘youth power.’ Both pages,” The clone deadpanned. It flipped the card over. “And the back.”
Naruto winced and took on a look of slight horror.
“All of it?” He asked, incredulously.
The clone gave him a dry stare as it held up the card and said, “Tenten had to sign the front cover.”

“Lord what fools these mortals be,” The blonde teen said as he turned a page. The demon in him seriously considered turning that into a personal motto, but decided not to as it would make him sound like a stuck-up bastard.

“And if Naruto doesn’t make a full recovery, then I’ll do ten thousand push-ups while standing on my hands! Five for me and an extra five for him!” Lee declared.
“Yosh! And if Lee can’t do ten thousand hand-stand push-ups, then I’ll run to the Hidden Sand and back in two days!” Gai said, jumping to his feet. A large sweat-drop appeared at the side of Kakashi’s head as he tried to convince himself that he didn’t know this man.
“And if Gai-sensei can’t make the run in time, I’ll carve Naruto’s face on the Hokage Monument!” Lee yelled, jumping to his feet and clenching his fist in triumph. Ino covered her face with her hands.
“And if Lee is arrested by the ANBU before he can finish, I’ll break him out of jail with a boulder tied to my back!” Gai announced.
“Gai-sensei!”
“Lee!”
“Kami-sama…” Ino muttered.

They’d killed four Sound-nins and because of Ino they had also gotten one of them alive for ‘interrogation’ (read: Ibiki was very happy.)

Gaara looked pleased. Not ‘Oh my god I got a pony for Giftmas!’ pleased. More like…’I shall make blood flow forth like rivers’ kind of pleased.

Worn down even if only a little, he was now somewhat susceptible to Mangekyou level gen-jutsu.
He activated his technique and said calmly: “For the next 48 hours you will see looped over and over Teletubbies the movie: Tinky Winky meets Patrick and Spongebob...”
The demon’s eyes widened in horror. A cry of “Noooooooo!” rang out.

---------------------------------------------------------

a man died and went to heaven, for those of you who dont know there is a room of clocks inside the gates of heaven these clocks show how many times a person had lied during their lives, the man looked at his clock, it had only moved twenty minutes in his lifetime, he asked to see jesus' one, the hands hadn't moved at all, the man then looked around and then asked the angel
"where is george bush's clock?"
the angel thought for a moment before saying
"god keeps it in his office as a fan"


"If at first you don't succeed, Skydiving is not for you."
"I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy it."
"I'm not anti-social - I just don't like you!"
"I only do what the voices tell me to do!"
"You say I'm a freak like it's a BAD thing."
"You're just jealous 'cos the voices are talking to me!"

 

I've got plenty of quotes saved on my computer. Here's some of them since I don't want to make a big huge post.

Until you've lost your reputation, you never realize what a burden it was.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity.

“Life’s funny.”
“Why? I don’t find anything funny about it,” he replied gloomily.
“Oh, it’s a riot, really. Funny way of teaching us lessons, giving us answers. Almost like…when we think we have all the answers, life goes and changes the questions. It’s funny.”

I have no prejudices. I hate everyone equally.

Age...a matter of feeling, not years.

When you want to fool the world, tell the truth.

We are not retreating...we are advancing in another direction.

I like work. It fascinates me. I can sit and look at it forever.

The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.

War does not determine who is right. It determines who is left.

They say love hides behind every corner. I must be walking in circles!

My mother told me never to talk to strangers...I never talk to myself anymore.

I've always wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my enemy to go swimming.

Heaven kicked me out. Hell was afraid I'll take over.

Just because I'm a genius doesn't mean I'm required to have a lot of common sense. Or any, for that matter...

I'm bored. Run for your sanity.

My imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.
I didn't deny it! I just didn't admit it!

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.

I love deadlines. I especially love the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning, and does not stop until you get to school.

A friend will bail you out of jail but a best friend will be there with you saying " DAMN! That was fun!"

Teamwork is essential because you can blame other people when something goes wrong

Everyone has a right to their own opinion, its just that your one is stupid!

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who bitch and those who are the source of bitching

 

Here's some more.

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.

We used to play spin the bottle when I was a kid. A girl would spin the bottle and if it pointed to you when it stopped, the girl could either kiss you or give you a dime. By the time I was 14, I owned my own home.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

Chaos. Panic. Disorder. My work here is done.

I want to die in my sleep like my great grandfather.... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car....

It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

If you don't like my driving then stay off the sidewalk!

Energizer bunny arrested; charged with battery.

Never take life seriously. No one gets out alive, anyway.

A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day.

The willing, Destiny guides them; the unwilling, Destiny drags them.

Practical politics consists in ignoring facts.

Question: Why does God allow evil in the world?
Sri Ramakrishna: To thicken the plot.

If you're going to do something wrong, at least enjoy it.

On the way back, they sang a number of tuneful and reflective songs on the subjects of peace, justice, morality, culture, sport, family life, and the obliteration of all other life forms.

Teacher: Explain Newton's First Law of Motion in your own words.
Calvin: Yakka foob mog. Grug pubbawup zink wattoom gazork. Chumble spuzz. ( I love Calvin & Hobbes)

A man asked Hakuin, a Zen master, "What happens after we die?"
The master replied, "I don't know."
"What do you mean? You're a Zen master, aren't you?"
"I am," came the reply, "but not a dead one."

CALVIN: I'm a simple man, Hobbes.
HOBBES: You? Yesterday you wanted a nuclear powered car that could turn into a jet with laser-guided heat-seeking missiles!
CALVIN: I'm a simple man with complex tastes.

Totally mad. Utter nonsense. But we'll do it because it's brilliant nonsense.

Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred."

"In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move."

CHARLIE BROWN: Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."

The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.

Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it.

I know you believe you understand what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.

Never attribute to a conspiracy that which can be explained by incompetence.

Sanity was overrated anyway. No one seemed to have much of it left to begin with.

In the beginning there was nothing. God said, “Let there be light!” And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better. (Think this used to be in Zev's sig)

Sometimes thinking is over-rated. You think and you think but all you do is confuse your thoughts and make it harder to sort them out.

Boys? Girls are evil. What should you do? Don't fight it. Just give in and sign your soul over on the dotted line. It's less painful.

 

Albus frowned. “No one’s getting fired, no one’s getting fixed.” He ignored Sirius pitiful whimper. “I want all members of staff to get along and co-exist, do you understand me?”

Filius helpfully pointed out, “I want world peace, Albus. It doesn’t mean it’s going to happen.”

With a pop, Dobby appeared and handed a magically spinning bowl of green to the little Charms Professor. “Your whirled peas, sir.” He disappeared with a cheeky pop.

“Cool,” Filius exclaimed looking down at the small tornado of vegetables.

Sirius looked upward and began loudly. “I want Celestina Warbeck to boil up some hot strong love-”

“Padfoot!” Harry interrupted. “Not now, please.”

“Later?” He genuinely asked.

“Yes, later.” Harry rolled his eyes. “When you’re alone preferably.”

Sirius frowned with a look of childlike innocence and fear. He whispered to nobody, “that’s when the voices come back.”

Severus from his prone and awkward position on the floor muttered angrily. “If they’re telling you to kill yourself, perhaps you should avoid inciting their wrath.”

=================

arry thought about it, and remembered a conversation he’d had with Luna. He turned to his father and asked, “When did you fall in love with Mum?”

James looked over at Sirius and seemed to be pondering the question. “What was it? About summer after fifth and then start of sixth year?”

“Yup,” Sirius agreed. “As soon as sixth year started, stalker James was in full effect.”

“Hey now! That’s called romance!” James insisted.

Sirius nodded. “If you end up with the girl, then yes. If not, it’s called illegal.”

==============
Remus smiled and jumped in. “I believe James’ response at the opening feast went something like this: ‘What the hell happened to Evans this summer? She just shot like a rocket up the boinkability scale and sprouted a significantly yummalicious rack. Flat butt still although she is a redhead. So I guess I’d better bring a machete, because it’s bound to be a jungle out there.’”
==============

James tensed at the sudden seriousness of his wife. He knew the terror alert level just went up. “Err, you know… redheads like yourself aren’t exactly well known for carefully trimmed hedges.”

Lily watched him in the mirror.

“Well kept foliage.” He added. “Tending to the garden.”

Lily arched an eyebrow. “Are you trying to call me a ‘ho’?”

“No!” James insisted. “Not at all! I’m just saying your pubes were all over place. Looked like you were giving Dumbledore’s chin a run for its money.”

A natural talent in Occlumency allowed Harry to keep his fear and horror hidden.

“So she is a natural redhead?” Sirius asked curiously.

James nodded. “Not even Moses ever saw a bush that flaming before.”

“James!” Lily scolded.

“Yes love?”

“Our son is right here!”

James looked at Harry’s pained face. “He’s seen it before. Hell, he came shooting out of it.”

Harry jumped in and argued, “Yes, well just because you’ve seen a man give birth to a puppy cesarean style, doesn’t make it okay to talk about it among pleasant company.”

“Oh good lord.” James said imagining the horror.

“Thank you, Harry.” Lily said looking worriedly at her son.

“Oh god.” Harry paled. “Is that why you named me that and not Harold?”

James and Lily both blushed and dropped their heads.

“No!” Harry’s frustrations burst forth.

James explained. “Well you were born with nearly a full head of wild black hair, and during the procedure… there were… tangles… with you and your mother.”

Lily smiled weakly. “The Healer said ‘Wow, that is hairy,’ and it sort of stuck.”

“He was probably talking about your gaping vagina!” Harry indignantly claimed.



bah just read chapter 10 of You Did What! by nonjon, lol I'm laughing my ass off atm.

 

I read that on the net about a week ago.

 

“It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.” - Voltaire

“I follow my own convictions.”

“Betrayal; it is a terrible thing… terrible things have terrible prices”

“Death is more universal than life; everyone dies but not everyone lives.”
A. Sachs

“Politeness, n. The most acceptable hypocrisy.”
Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914), The Devil's Dictionary

“Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from a religious conviction.”
Blaise Pascal (1623 - 1662)

"Kill one man, you're a murderer. Kill a million, a King. Kill them all, a god."

“Si vis pacem, para bellum. If you want peace, prepare for war”

"What good is honor to a dead man?"

“I've thrown away hopes for peace.... Taken a weapon into my hands... and chosen the blood-stained path of revenge."

 

sweet i stole it from gundam wing.... :twisted:

 

ROFLMAO.

 

From a naruto fic( you have to know the characters..I thought it was funny as hell):
"No, No! You say who's there!"

Startled Sakura turned to see Naruto strolling out of the forest with an unamused Gaara at his side. Naruto seemed to be working himself into a fit and his voice grew in volume, oblivious that Gaara's right eye was twitching dangerously "Ok, one more time! Knock knock!"

The redheaded ninja paused and cutting his eyes over stared at the blond beside him in what appeared to be a tolerate fashion "Who's there?"

"Boo!" Naruto exclaimed jerking his hands up, then back as sand came swirling up to where the spot where his hands had been. Naruto however was glaring at the dispassionate boy who was staring at him with a raised eyebrow "You're suppose too say 'Boo who?'"

There was a moment of silence and then Gaara repeated what he had been told, "Boo who?"

Grinning ear from ear Naruto shouted his answer, while slapping the other ninjas shoulder "Sorry didn't mean to make you cry!"

Sakura felt herself paling watching the two, wondering how Naruto could miss that dangerous glint in the other ninja’s eyes. For the love of Konoha! That boy had a monster inside of him and he had nearly killed her and Sasuke, what could Naruto be thinking. Then she saw something that made her breath stop and she heard a small gasp from behind her.

"D-did ...did you see that?" Kiba asked softly from beside her and Sakura nodded.

"Gaara...just...smiled?" Temari whispered and Sakura nodded again, thinking that the smile had made him look twenty times more frightening. It didn’t belong on his face, no smile belonged there it was unnatural. It was evil.

Naruto however seemed ignorant of that fact and smiling himself finally spotted them.
...........a little later in the fic....
Several minutes passed silently and then Sakura spoke up, her voice curious "Temari-san, Gaara...does he always smile like that?"

Temari hesitated, and then setting her fan to the side shook her head. “No and generally it’s not a good thing to see him smiling, usually he's plotting a horrible death."

This just cracks me up... :lol:

 

I really hope that God has the capacity for forgiveness that Christians claim, because I am going to test the absolute outer limits.