After a week of reflection, the plot I've concocted so far doesn't meet my expectations. I have no idea how to flesh the plot, to make it rock-solid and amazing. And I need help with the flow of the story; how to structure a chapter or the story, how to keep a good pace. Where to put the most important events - towards the end or the beginning? Are cliffhangers really necessary?

What I basically want is to make the story epic. Kinda like Joe's Wasteland of Time. The problem is I'll never be as awesome as he is - I simply don't have the necessary skills.

But then, what makes a story epic? That's what I want to know.

Anyway...

Title: Dance of the Soul
Description: There are secrets that should be left buried, truths that should not be spoken, knowledge that should be left forgotten. The world is changing and Harry is unknowingly the catalyst.
Pairing: Harry/Tonks

This story will be written in first person exclusively. It will happen in a relatively short time frame; it won't last a full Hogwart's school year. By that, I'm hoping to create some tension, a feeling of anticipation.

The premise is that Horcruxes - or at least what Voldemort did with his soul - are more than what Harry or Dumbledore suspect. It made him a god, not in term of magical power or immortality, he sacrificed his humanity to become something more.

And in the process the world has lot its balance - such thing weren't meant to happen - and the consequences on the mortal world are beginning to show; destabilisation of the weather, tears in the fabric of reality, barriers between life and death disappearing. Something similar to what begins to happen in the 11th book of the Wheel of Time.

Ironically, Voldemort doesn't really realize what he really is and how in fact he is just a tool by unknown forces. Same goes for Harry.

And Harry is the only person who can stop him before Voldemort basically unleash Hell on Earth - the trick will be that Harry himself is losing sanity; the Voldemort piece of soul inside his body will change him into something akin to what Voldemort will be.

I've already posted the first chapter - but it didn't came out as well as I hoped and I'm considering rewriting most of it.

 

It seems that you're trying to make it epic by involving apocalyptic elements in the plot (hell breaking loose, a massively powerful enemy in Voldemort to make the situation seem hopeless). Stacking conflict is the generic way to do it - that's basically what Thalarian did in Queens of Darkness, Ladies of Light, which is one of the most well-received stories in the library.

But the epicness can't be completely derived from the plot.

Both Thalarian and Joe are excellent writers with a flair for the dramatic. A similarity they share is in scenes that are vivid, fantastical, and creative. An example is Harry entering Eden in Thalarian's fic, and Harry entering Atlantis in Joe's (among many, many other instances).

And I agree with your assessment about your skills, there are these little mistakes in your first chapter that a non-native English speaker might make. Reflexion, inner working instead of inner workings, etc.

I suggest you be really judicious in italicizing words for emphasis. I mean really really.

If it doesn't sound 100% natural and 110% necessary it's irritating to the reader.

Your villain has to be compelling - you can't just overpower Voldemort and have him casually dominate Harry while giving him melodramatic Dark Lord dialogue, even if some other antagonist is going to enter your story.

The title is pretty bad too.

I would also caution against opening the story with a duel. Stories can almost always be structured better, and action sequences are the most anticipated. If it isn't absolutely jaw-dropping it's better to opt for another route. Yours wasn't bad at all, but in the second paragraph you describe Harry's injuries, and I didn't get the sense that it affected his dueling.

His 'insides' are hurting, I take it he is suffering from internal injuries, but it doesn't affect Harry's movements, he isn't short of breath, etc.

 

Yeah, I admit. In my defense, I spent 30 seconds looking for one.

I tried to keep it as real as possible - skill should be more valued than power.

The trick is how to have a Dark Lord sound like a Dark Lord, without him being cliché or melodramatic? Especially if you want a 'grand'.

True - I'll have to work on those details - I keep a list of plot holes and things that I have to correct.

 

You can always try new ways of picturing it. We see insane/genius/charismatic Voldemorts all the time( although not that much of the last one). I never saw a truly arrogant Dark Lord for instance. A person so sure of their own power that he doesn't see any possibility of failure, but of course, backed up by absurd amounts of power, not some useless half-dead spirit that fails to kill an 11yo boy and still thinks he's awesome.

The trick is: Choose an aspect that truly appeals to you, and develop it along with your plot. Show why the villain(and the hero) are the way they are and keep them that way till they die, or until some life-changing event.

That means that you can't have a hero that is 100% willing to die for others just turn around and start hexing the hell out of someone that bumps on him.

 

That's why I have planned a few twists - Harry can't truly die in a way; if he were to be killed, it would be fare more disastrous than him not defeating Voldemort. That's more or less the reason why Voldemort left Harry alive at the first scene.

And Harry has his own ego; he gives shit about most of the Wizarding World - he respect very few persons, Tonks and Dumbledore being one of them.

A truly arrogant Voldemort is tricky to write - in excess, it would be fail - in moderation, well, he wouldn't be truly arrogant then.

Anyway, to make things more plausible, the story is more of an AU in that regard - events happened slightly differently in this story and the reader will discover that along the story.