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WIP Day of the Falcon by nomuse - T - Stargate/TombRaider

Discussion in 'Stargate' started by Erandil, Sep 19, 2016.

  1. Erandil

    Erandil Headmaster

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    Title: Day of the Falcon
    Author: nomuse
    Rating:T
    Genre:Adventure
    Status: WIP
    Fandom: Stargate/TombRaider Crossover
    Pairings: -
    Link: Fanfiction

    Summary: An alien hand weapon is found in a newly-opened tomb in the Valley of Kings. Controversial archaeologist-adventurer Lara Croft finds herself in the middle of a war between a secret military organization hidden under Cheyenne Mountain and a race of alien parasites who may have played a key role in human history...


    The author does a beautiful job of mixing the two settings into one believable world without destroying what makes either so special. The story is a bit slow to start, I think it takes about 30k words till Lara and SG1 actually meet, but this allows him to properly establish the setting and characters, especially Lara. However what makes this story special are the discussions regarding history which are really well researched (or at least well faked) as well as the beautifully described scenes that really manage to portray the various locations perfectly.

    I would give it a 4/5.
     
  2. Download

    Download Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    I've been following this for a while.

    I think the story is a bit muddled and confusing, but it might because I've been reading it a chapter at a time. Then again, a good story shouldn't be made confusing by that and the author might need to structure the chapters better.

    3.5/5 for now. I'll rerate once I have the free time to reread it.
     
  3. Seratin

    Seratin Proudmander Prestige DLP Supporter

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    I'm really enjoying this. Picked it up out of boredom and didn't expect much as I'm no huge Tomb Raider fan and a passing Stargate fan.

    The author mods the two worlds together brilliantly and Lara is much more three dimensional than I would have guessed.

    Solid 4/5 not least because of the ridiculous amount of research the author seems to do.
     
  4. Bill Door

    Bill Door The Chosen One DLP Supporter

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    I also really liked this. They did an excellent job of melding the two worlds without it ever seeming contrived. As a big Stargate fan I think they've got the characters mostly spot on.

    At times the dialogue can feel a bit forced and it does sometimes get bogged down in dumps of historical info. Though it is an impressive amount of history, makes me wonder if the author is an actual historian or history student. I just think they sometimes get a bit too eager to tell us how much they know.

    Currently I'm giving it a 4/5, may get upgraded to 5/5 if it has a strong finish.
     
  5. Nemrut

    Nemrut The Black Mage Prestige

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    Read this today and it's pretty solid. The writing is good, I do enjoy most of the history dumps, especially with regards to tying them to magic and aliens (although I do have to admit, I was more fond of that trope when I was younger), there is a good grasp on the characters and while I am not too familiar with either franchise (watched a few episodes here and there a decade ago on the Star Gate front and only played the first reboot game with Tomb Raider...well, and fanfics for both) I quite enjoyed the take on them and the way they interacted.

    Action was decent, I did skim some of the flashbacks and I don't think I particularly lost out.

    All in all, it's a solid story.

    However, to me, it's lacking ... something. I think it's very forgettable. In a few weeks, I won't be able to remember most of it, mainly, because it doesn't do anything great. There is no amazing piece of dialogue, no epic exchange between characters, no outstanding scene, whether it is drama, shock, humor or action. No memorable lines or scenes.

    It's a competent fic, a solid story and I was engaged enough to finish what's there so far, but I can see myself forgetting about this story. There is nothing big that drives me back, I am not super invested in anyone or anything.

    Then again, it could very well be that the best is yet to come, so, will stick with it.

    3.5/5
     
  6. Jarik

    Jarik Chief Warlock

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    Similar thoughts to what a lot of other people have posted.

    The historical references are interesting, the concept is actually pretty cool and the events aren't bad either.

    But it just feels completely lacking in any sort of emotional investment. The narrative doesn't seem to explore the emotions of characters in depth. To start with, they barely seem to have emotions. All the exchanges are lighthearted and dry, Lara seems to treat everything with casual acceptance and mild surprise at times.

    There's no emotional rollercoaster, no stand out scenes, no great reveals, no climaxes. It's hard to really get emotionally invested in the story.

    3/5 - a time killer at best.
     
  7. Download

    Download Chief Warlock DLP Supporter

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    Another chapters and I still feel the story is boring and muddled. Very little of the latest chapter contributed to the story.
     
  8. chiefnewo

    chiefnewo First Year DLP Supporter

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    You're not wrong about that. Looks like the explanation is in the author's note at the top of the chapter - they've started full time work. A shame, everything up to
    the Goua'ld escaping through the Stargate
    was really good. After the loss of tension from that it started to ramble.

    I'd say the first arc of the story is a very good melding of Tomb Raider and SG1 - the time until they meet is not wasted and feels authentic. Then there is a fun section of action and drama before it kind of peters out into infodumps and long stretches of what I'm dubbing "First and Last Paragraph Syndrome"; where only the first and last paragraph of a story section actually further the plot or characters, the rest is either pointless infodump, flashback or a character thinking about things. It tends to happen more and more as fanfics get longer to the point where you can read the first and last paragraph of a 5k chapter and still understand what is going on.

    Jarik pointed out the lack of emotional investment of the characters in the plot and I can definitely see that. There was some attempt to introduce it in the latest couple of chapters but it's a bit lost in the sea of history infodumps. This isn't the worst thing, there were plenty of episodes of SG1 where the worst the emotional tension got was being cut off from the gate for a while but it does make it harder for such a long fic to hold your interest.

    At this point I'd give this fic a 3.5/5. If it picks up the pace again and tightens up the wordage (and comes to a swift completion) I'd round up to 4, otherwise I'd drop it down to 3.
     
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2017