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WIP Death Before Dishonour by SuperNova26 - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Lucius Rex, Apr 13, 2015.

  1. Lucius Rex

    Lucius Rex First Year DLP Supporter

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    Title: Death Before Dishonour
    Author: SuperNova26
    Rated: M
    Genre: Crime/Friendship
    Status: WIP, 31,435
    Library Category: General
    Pairings: Harry/Daphne
    Summary: Self preservation was a powerful motivator that sometimes made good people do bad things. At least, that's the excuse that bad people who think of themselves as good, give to justify their actions. Harry Potter wasn't sure he'd ever been 'good', but he knew he was good at being bad. He just always thought, that the ends justified the means.
    Link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10724650/1/Death-Before-Dishonour

    I think it's a great portrayal of Criminal!Harry. Daphne is kinda bland for now I hope but I give it a 5/5! It's the first time he updated for quite awhile.
     
  2. Download

    Download Dark Lord DLP Supporter

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    4/5 so far. I don't think it should end up in the library until we can see where the plot is going however. It could nosedive
     
  3. NuScorpii

    NuScorpii Professor

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    It's interesting, but did anyone else think the conversations didn't really flow very naturally? I sometimes felt them to be choppy and forced.

    I'll also hold off on rating it for now, since nothing has happened really.
     
  4. Krieger

    Krieger Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    30k words in, which should usually be enough to rate, however in the terms of this story it is still very early days. It's interesting, but I think it is too early for the library, too early to see if this is going to be great.

    Bromance, dirty deals, and the promise of conflict with not only Voldemort but their own families for not supporting Voldemort, all the while trying to get rich? This has some potential.

    It could be quite good down the track, the author is setting the tone nicely, but there has been no real substance yet. The quality of writing isn't good enough for a high rating. So potentially it could be 4/5 if not higher with where the author is taking this story, however on what is only posted now? 3/5.
     
  5. sirius009

    sirius009 Minister of Magic

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    I put this in "Almost Recommendable" a while back and I think that's where it belongs. While the idea is interesting, and the writing is pretty good; it suffers from a slow pace and the author focusing on the relatively boring parts of the story, you'd think after 6 months you'd come back with a chapter that re-captures interest but they don't. The scene with Goldstein was pretty good but the author doesn't really build on that, following up with a ton of background information on Harry/Daphne's relationship.

    I give it a 3/5; but that could drastically change based on what the author decides to focus on.
     
  6. ScottPress

    ScottPress The Horny Sovereign Prestige (2) Prestige

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    I'm with sirius009 on this. Half of the wordcount is on the boring side. I appreciate slice of life stuff from time to time, but not enough has happened yet to justify filler, some of which is repeated (Harry/Daphne scenes). The idea is good and has potential to be interesting, but the plot is still in infancy.

    Too short to rate imo. Ofc, this is relative. Some fics do a lot in 30k words, others, like this one, not much. And on top of that, writing's not of high enough quality to boost the rating significantly. A pretty damn good effort for the author's first HP fic, but right now, Almost Recced is where it's at.

    Again, not rating the thread at this time, but 3/5 from me.
     
  7. Stan

    Stan Order Member

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    Like I said in my post in the Almost Recommended thread, this is a very solid story, but there has been nothing really spectacular so far. I like the premise -- it seems to have a lot of potential. 3.5/5 from me for now, but too little has happened in the story to give it a fixed rating, which was the reason I posted it in the AR thread.

    Also, did someone actually rate the story a one out of five? The rating went down from 3.5 (10 votes) to 3.27 (11 votes). The story might not be the greatest ever, but 1 out of 5? Really?
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2015
  8. Hiraelle

    Hiraelle Third Year

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    I'm following this story with interest because it could be great. I hope the author will update more regularly now that his real life issues are over, because nothing really happened yet.
    I'll refrain from rating for now, because it could also very well disappoint me, or be abandoned before it even really started. A few grammar mistakes also jumped out to me, but the author has mentioned he's still searching for a beta, so that may be fixed if he finds one.
    But with this premise, it could be something really interesting.
     
  9. Polycarp

    Polycarp Squib

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    Seems a bit too early to rate for me, it could go either way.
     
  10. gbbz

    gbbz Professor

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    I am ambivalent about this story. On the one hand it is competently written, on the other hand it could just as well be set in a totally different setting and be just as good. It is a fairly good story, but not a good Harry Potter story. Even the drama with Neville and Harry's parents could be transplanted to a different universe with ease.

    I feared this when I first read the story when it was posted in the old AlmostRec and after the last update I'm almost certain it will go the way of generic mafia plot. Too little magic too much Mario Puzo.
     
  11. Supernova26

    Supernova26 Muggle

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    Hi, i'm the author of this fic. Thank you for discussing it and I appreciate the feedback. As nice as it is to get reviews on Fanfiction.net, they aren't always the most helpful for improving.

    I appreciate the feedback and will always look to improve. I'm aware that my writing isn't brilliant. A bi-product of not paying as much attention as I should when I was in school. I am looking for a beta reader, i'm just finding it difficult to weed through the dregs on fanfiction.net.

    I was going to post this in this sites WBA before work started demanded more of my time. And would like too to help myself improve and provide me with some hopefully constructive feedback. Are there rules for new members posting in that section?

    In regards to the pacing. This was something I struggled with (and apparently still am) because I didn't want to rush and have Harry suddenly be a criminal mastermind. I'd intended for a slow burn - just not a slow, slow burn. I'll try to find a happy medium.

    Once again thank you for the discussion.
     
  12. gbbz

    gbbz Professor

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    Post any chapter in the WbA. That's why it's there in the first place. I'm sure the community will happily apply its criticism in all the ways there are.
     
  13. newageofpower

    newageofpower Professor DLP Supporter

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    It's got some potential. Not only have I never seen this combo (Mafioso Potter, BWL Longbottom, Slytherin Bromance) put together, but it's joined well and believably.

    Harry thinking about his parents sets the tone without being angsty. Blaise's exposition on his relationship with his mother doesn't feel forced.

    Plus, I think a large % of DLP has a fetish for Harry/Daphne.

    (Not sure why, since she's practically an Original Character...)

    I'd give the fic a solid 3/5 so far, with the potential to hit 4 or 4.5.

    Anyways, put some of your unpolished chapters into WbA and the crowd here will do their best to point out errors (Some flamethrower use may occur. Please use WbA responsibly.)
     
  14. Hachi

    Hachi Death Eater

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    It's because she's a complete unknown that people ship Harry/Daphne.

    You can write her however the fuck you want, since canon tells us 2 things about her: she's in Slytherin along with Pansy & Co, and a pureblood.

    ------------

    On to the fic. I'm glad I recommended the author to post in WbA, as it has a lot of potential and originality, but lacks finish. The WbA can fix that.

    As of now, it's an almost rec'd read, 3/5.

    However, if the writing improves, I have no doubt it can easily be a 4/5.
    Wait & see. :sherlock:
     
  15. newageofpower

    newageofpower Professor DLP Supporter

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    Ah, that makes sense. A female pureblood Slytherin in Harry's year that isn't Pansy or Millicent.

    Plus, her name practically oozes highborn class and style.
     
  16. Download

    Download Dark Lord DLP Supporter

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    And suggests she's fucking hot.
     
  17. Anarchy

    Anarchy Totally Sirius DLP Supporter

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    The story is decent, and the idea is neat. I kinda like it. That being said, there's not enough content to really rate it yet. 30k words is a fair amount, granted, but it's only 4 chapters, and 3 of those chapters cover the Hogwarts express ride and the first day back with classes. The 4th chapter is a small time jump after Crabbe and Goyle get Made, and really only covering two small scenes (debt collection and a filler scene with Daphne). There's just not enough content here to review yet, but I will anyways.

    Anyways, I said I liked it well enough and that's true, but I wouldn't say I like it enough to actually follow updates for it. It's the kind of story that I wouldn't be upset to come across half a year from now and see that there's 10 chapters for, and I'd gladly catch up then - the idea is novel enough. I'm sure the story will get better with time, and the chapters will get more polished as the author gets more experience.

    So, for now I'll rate it a 3/5, with the potential for more. The floor on the story is pretty good, with the ceiling being quite high. This has the makings of something truly excellent, and I really hope the author can pull it off. There's not exactly a lot of competition on the gangster!Harry genre.
     
  18. IBG

    IBG Seventh Year

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    I really like this fic, the plot points so far seem really fresh and I'm wondering what Harry's overall goals are going to be.
     
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