Title: Devil's Smile
Author: Silent Sky
Rating: M
Genre: Adventure/Suspense
Summary: In the depths of Hell, a demon war unfolds. As the violence spreads, Ichigo and the Shinigami come under attack by forces spawned in Hell’s darkness. Allying with mysterious demon hunters, Ichigo and Toshiro must turn the tide of war or face annihilation.

Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5193078/1/Devils_Smile

Note: I'm only up to Chapter 18 as of this posting - if anything really ridiculous happens after then, I take no responsibility

Got recommended this by someone who used to frequent DLP, but doesn't anymore. Its pretty good, so I figured I might as well chuck it to you guys to see what you think of it. The grammar and style is pretty damned good in my book - there are very few errors that mess up the flow of the writing. Very few qualms with that.

Overall, there are only a few problems that I have with it.
One - the OCs who appear very early on in the story take a very large role in it, and are OP to a ridiculous extent. As a result of this, Ichigo is kind of chucked off to the side for a while, but he seems to be coming back into the limelight.
Second - Hitsugaya, the little white haired midget, is supposedly going to be in here as a major character. Hate him on principle.
Thirdly, the action scenes that take place start to get repetitive.
Fourthly, there's some slightly squicky vibes coming from one of the chapters, but this passes.


Anyway, this gets a 4/5 from me. Unique concept, pretty cool execution, but too much focus on characters that don't deserve focus.

EDIT: Just read chapter 18. Dammit, the OC just turned into one of the biggest cliched Gary Stus imaginable.

 

Wrong link. I read the entire first chapter in confusion before I realised.

 

...

Alright, yes, that makes no sense. Sorry to all the people who saw the thread before this. I copied the format from Mind over Matter and overwrote everything besides that, I guess.

Correct link:
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5193078/1/Devils_Smile

Can a mod edit/fix this for me?