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WIP Devil's Smile by Silent Sky - Bleach

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Zarent, Feb 7, 2010.

  1. Zarent

    Zarent Seventh Year

    Feb 16, 2008
    Title: Devil's Smile
    Author: Silent Sky
    Rating: M
    Genre: Adventure/Suspense
    Summary: In the depths of Hell, a demon war unfolds. As the violence spreads, Ichigo and the Shinigami come under attack by forces spawned in Hell’s darkness. Allying with mysterious demon hunters, Ichigo and Toshiro must turn the tide of war or face annihilation.

    Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5193078/1/Devils_Smile

    Note: I'm only up to Chapter 18 as of this posting - if anything really ridiculous happens after then, I take no responsibility :)

    Got recommended this by someone who used to frequent DLP, but doesn't anymore. Its pretty good, so I figured I might as well chuck it to you guys to see what you think of it. The grammar and style is pretty damned good in my book - there are very few errors that mess up the flow of the writing. Very few qualms with that.

    Overall, there are only a few problems that I have with it.
    One - the OCs who appear very early on in the story take a very large role in it, and are OP to a ridiculous extent. As a result of this, Ichigo is kind of chucked off to the side for a while, but he seems to be coming back into the limelight.
    Second - Hitsugaya, the little white haired midget, is supposedly going to be in here as a major character. Hate him on principle.
    Thirdly, the action scenes that take place start to get repetitive.
    Fourthly, there's some slightly squicky vibes coming from one of the chapters, but this passes.

    Anyway, this gets a 4/5 from me. Unique concept, pretty cool execution, but too much focus on characters that don't deserve focus.

    EDIT: Just read chapter 18. Dammit, the OC just turned into one of the biggest cliched Gary Stus imaginable.
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2010
  2. J22

    J22 Seventh Year

    Mar 13, 2008
    England, UK
    Wrong link. I read the entire first chapter in confusion before I realised.
  3. Zarent

    Zarent Seventh Year

    Feb 16, 2008

    Alright, yes, that makes no sense. Sorry to all the people who saw the thread before this. I copied the format from Mind over Matter and overwrote everything besides that, I guess.

    Correct link:

    Can a mod edit/fix this for me?