Spoiler

The second half is far better than the first one. It started stilted, uncertain, and then as Harry met Tom, it gained some tempo, all up to the point where you timely made your point. But it's all a bit blank, isn't it? I think you've had more words available, and I think you could've used them to make this better. Add something to Tom. Add something more to Harry. Make it personal somehow. That's what this misses. It's almost like I smoke and watch this happen from the sidelines, only to shrug it off at the end.

 

Spoiler

Wizards calling Christmas Yule is frightfully cliché, and rather than vaguely medieval world it makes me think it's a Pureblood Culture piece. Not necessarily something you can really 'fix' as such but something to take note of.

Frankly, this just misses the mark. Young Tom talks to Voldemort at the end and we learn this is a world where dementors roam freely and while that's neat, I don't know what's going on and you've not pushed me to really care too much one way or the other. Harry is a victim, yes, but as the reader knows barely more than he does about what's going on there's not much emotional investment possible.

In the end, I think it'd have been better to focus on Harry meeting Tom for the first time and what the result of that conversation is. If it's Tom who calls down the dementors you immediately tie it far more to Harry as he has to contend with the fact his new friend is capital-E Evil, and that seems like it'd have been more interesting.

 

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This story feels like it's all over the place. There are contradictions, like e.g. Harry first thinking it's a man and in the next sentence saying that he first thought that it was a dementor. Also, the point of the story isn't quite clear. So there are two Toms and an alternate version of Harry and the Toms have a plan. Suddenly, dementors. And...that's it. I just get the feeling that this story stopped in the middle before it got to its point. 2/5

 

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I’m genuinely not sure what this story is about. There are a lot of words and a lot of dementors but I don’t have any clue what the words and dementors are doing. Every single element of the story seems to be independent of all of the others, and it doesn’t feel like there’s any real progression.

1/5

 

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A nice AU, with a revived horcrux, I'm assuming. The writing was sort of plain but the hints of worldbuilding were nice. And a naive child!harry is done well. 3.5/5

 

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The general premise is interesting, but it was executed a bit crudely. The pacing seemed a bit off and the interaction between Harry and young Tom didn't feel right.

That is the second time in a few sentences you mention friends from far away. Given the tight word count you could of lost 1/3 of the words in the story and made it 30% better.

2/5

 

Spoiler

The opening felt pretty clunky, to be honest. There's a fair few statements that get reiterated very quickly, such as the bit about friends from far away, and the line about 'Yule, or Christmas' is pretty bad. That said, I felt there was a noticeable improvement in the latter half - whether that's just because the plot starts to pick up or it's actually better written, I'm not sure. It's an intruiging AU that I'd like to see more of. On the other hand, 'Proper Voldemort', for want of a better term, didn't quite feel right, and the ending is pretty abrupt.

 

Spoiler

This entry needed more words. It tried to introduce too many things at once, in too short of a time-span. The beginning was too awkward and the ending was abrupt, so the highlight of the story was Harry's conversation with Tom, but it wasn't enough to make this an interesting story and left more questions than answers. 2/5

 

Spoiler

I like your premise a lot, and I would have liked to see more of what this universe is like and what Harry's life is like, and I think you could have fitted a little bit more of that into the story. I care about Harry and his well-being in this universe because his name is still Harry, but not as much as I likely would if I got to properly learn that he's just as great a guy now as he is in canon. I think by introducing another scene with him in the beginning, there would also be the possibility of building up more of a mystery as to who this boy is, if you wanted to. I thought the ending was alright, but some unrealized potential.

 

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This story lines up perfectly with my tastes. Young Tom Riddle is suitably naive but still charming and manipulative. He's kept his sanity and the manner in which he probed wizard muggle relations before questioning Older Tom Riddle shows that. I like this Harry as well. He's curious (just like canon) and perceptive. I like the horror vibes of the plot as well. I would definitely like to see this expanded in a full-fledged story. My rating for is 4.5/5 rounded up to 5/5.

 

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I'm not really invested enough in this AU Harry Potter to care that something terrible (a Dementor outbreak) is about to reemerge in his life. I need to see him with his family, I need to see how the past has traumatized his society.

I'm also frustrated that we got no hint of the antagonists' motivation. Why does Voldemort want to restart this Dementor outbreak in a parallel universe? I could make some guesses, but you provide me with no hints.

It's an interesting premise, but without A) connecting me with the characters or B) giving me a glimpse into the antagonists' motivation, I can't really care about the story.

 

Spoiler: spoiler

I'm surprised by all the negative reviews on this one, I actually liked it a ton! I thought you had the characterization of a Harry raised by his parents down really well. I also liked that you didnt walk down the trope of him being a spoiled brat. He was still a decent kid... just different.

Sure there is a lot unanswered in this story. But I found myself intrigued, not confused. It doesn't feel like a complete story, which is maybe what put some off? But if it was the first chapter of a longer alt-timeline i'd be eagerly turning to chapter two.