I think I sprained my jaw when I saw the DumbGrin story. Knitting patterns. Yay.

All In The Game Of Love » by Nikki Flinn reviews

Ginny is working for the Malfoys. A late night conversation between them Ginny reflects on her life to date sexy Draco contempltes his feelings for Ginny! While half naked! Sorry so long. Here's 46! Oh what a tangled web! explanations! FINISHED!
Complete - Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 46 - Words: 41,721 - Reviews: 848 - Updated: 6-10-06 - Published: 8-25-05

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Aussi rouge que le feu et la passion by DracoGingin reviews

Draco was completely dumbstruck by the woman in front of him. Ginny Weasley, the girl he had never even looked at as anything but a small child, was there, loving him like a concubine from a sultan’s harem... DG One shot
Complete - Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,748 - Reviews: 15 - Updated: 6-14-06 - Published: 6-14-06


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oooo a half naked Draco thinking... Do you think he's doing the classic 'Thinker' pose? Wait I thought his Daddy did his thinking for him.

The second is obviously a pedo-Draco. Thats why he's turned on by a Ginny "he looked at as a small child".

 

I found the "loving him like a concubine from a sultan’s harem" funnier than the pedo reference actually. Just for the... unique... simile.

Goblet of Fire my way » by BloodyVampyre
“That girl,” Hermione started pointing at a brunette that had been one of the first to step out of the carriage, “is my only cousin, on my mother’s side. She also happens to be American so I have no idea why she would be here.”
Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,386 - Reviews: 0 - Updated: 11-4-07 - Published: 10-26-07

Neither do I actually. Why is she there? Is it perchance... to give Hermione a GASP makeover!?

Love Changes People » by violet.warrior reviews
After a fight with Ron and a breakup with her boyfriend, Ginny curls up in a tree to cry and ends up falling asleep. Who should find her and carry her back but Draco? Rating might go up in light of later chapters
Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/General - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,196 - Reviews: 9 - Updated: 11-4-07 - Published: 10-14-07

Draco who then procedes to drop her in the freezing lake and watch in interest as she flails about and then, in her desperation for both a relationship and some warming up, she engages in an act of bonding with the Giant Squid, who also has this problem. Because Draco is so into watching this sort of thing.

This is my story telling moment for the hour. Later!

 

No not a MAKEOVER STORY!!! Seriously are these people writing fanfiction or the script of the next Opera?

On the second story... I kindda thought Draco would have joined in the lake....

 

Probably would have eventually...

Opera script = REJECTED

[The Mistake of Benevolence » by Ashes Falling reviews
Danielle Kensith, a redhaired greeneyed Slytherin girl, wonders why her own Head of House seems to despise the very core of her. And why does he always stare at her like that? DH COMPLIANT! This is my first fanfic. Constructive criticism & reviews please
Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 17 - Words: 89,725 - Reviews: 62 - Updated: 11-4-07 - Published: 10-13-07

He despises the very core of her because the very core of her is very much a mary-sue who should have been drowned. He stares at her like that because he would very much like to be the one to drown her.

Metanoia » by Mandy.S.Lupin reviews
An exchange student from Japan enters Hogwarts in the Marauder's sixth year. And, contrary to first impressions, Celina Hamilton may have more in common with those troublemakers than she thinks.
Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 30,922 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 11-4-07 - Published: 9-12-07

"Celina Hamilton" doesn't sound Japanese... do you think it sounds Japanese? I don't think it sounds Japanese. I should give her a Japanese name... how does... Bakabaka Baka sound? Because the only thing she has in common with the Marauders is that they all don't have Japanese names.

 

Does she have blue hair and super powers though?

 

Bakabaka Baka. (Sniggers)

Transfer students = Mary Sues. I wonder why people really don't realize that.

 

I think we should all play a game. We should all try to see how many pages of FFN HP fanfics we will have to skip before coming across a fic whose summary looks decent enough to warrant us checking it out.

Score = -(negative) X, where X is the number of pages you've skipped before coming across a page containing a fic whose summary hooks your interest. As a bonus, add another negative point for every fic whose summary makes you cringe/puke/feel like banging your head on the wall/feel like bitchslapping the author.

Settings standardized at 25 fics per page.

Anyone up for it?

 

Negative 134. That's 7 pages plus 127 cringe-worthy summaries. Including the following:

HARRY IS SEXY AS HELL MAN by DaCropsSon reviews
i luv harry potter ima get wit him
Fiction Rated: T - English - Western/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 306 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 11-6-07 - Published: 11-6-07

Someone needs to get a life.

Harry Potter and the Monkey's Uncle » by Fighting Away our Indecision reviews
Harry and the gang are swiffered into an adventure of insanity, humor, and muffins, oh the muffins. Dumbles is a worrywart, Minnie gets high, and Severus has some colourful secrets. FIRST YEAR, OC, AND PAIRINGS OF YOUR CHOICE! Same sex, hetero, whatever!
Fiction Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,498 - Reviews: 5 - Updated: 11-4-07 - Published: 10-7-07

... muffins.

 

Those are some good arguments for abortion....

Unexpected Changes by theonlyslytheriniceprincess

Blaise Zabini writes to Harry Potter over part of the summer. Harry goes to stay with Blaise in his mansion. They're both gay. Will they get togeter? Read to find out.
Fiction Rated: T - English - Angst/General - Chapters: 7 - Words: 13,062 - Reviews: 10 - Updated: 11-5-07 - Published: 7-6-07​

Do you think they will??? OMG!!!

Harry Potter and the Destiny of Time by Lithius

Harry gains a mysterious gift on Christmas day from a strange man, leaving a rune burned into his hand that gives him the power to defy destiny itself and to control the ever turning hands on the clock, pairings will be canon, not a time travel fic, AU
Fiction Rated: T - English - Adventure/General - Chapters: 4 - Words: 16,219 - Reviews: 12 - Updated: 11-5-07 - Published: 10-7-07​

Am I the only one that felt the author wrote all that in one breath?

Taming The Lonerby phukdup

When boredom begins to soffocate Harry, Ron and Hermione, they set out to dicover why Snape sucks so much and soon to try and turn this hated loner into and awsome party animal. But will things go awry or will this be the best year ever? Read it.
Fiction Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 8 - Words: 11,738 - Reviews: 20 - Updated: 11-4-07 - Published: 10-4-07​

Extreme makeover anyone?

 

Beer and Barbies by BabyStretch reviewsAU. Sixyearold Harry's hectic life. Lily and James are alive, Lucius Malfoy is a beerdrinking maniac and Voldemort likes pink. Could it BE any more random?

Could it be worse?

 

Harry Potter and the Acceptance of Fate » reviews
Post-OotP-Ch57: Harry is calculating and exerts self-restraint, Moody visits, Harry gets some history on Voldemort's timing, Neville cheers up Harry just a bit, another sabbat is upon us and Snape pokes Harry, Harry gets a wild idea.
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - General/Romance - Chapters: 54 - Words: 442,242 - Reviews: 1888 - Updated: 9-3-04 - Published: 7-14-03

Words fail me, as they did the author. Snape poking Harry, who then gets a wild idea? It isn't actually all that bad, but it's like a long list rather than an actual summary.

 

... I don't want to know.

And here is my contribution:

The Forgotten Marauders » by Moony the Wolf reviews
The Marauders, Tammy, Laria, and Lily have to face the aftermath of the gruesome Truth or Dare game they took part in. What could possibly happen? Sequel to Truth or Dare, anyone? Also, I know some of the chapters are short but most of them are long.
Fiction Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 9,980 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 11-4-07 - Published: 2-23-07

 

These aren't Harry Potter summaries, but...

. . .

Okay, but why the hell should I care?

WHAT.

 

Well, maybe the reason very little is known about her is because she wasn't a Marauder. And who can't even check if the word limit ran out?

Aside from the fact that the title bears no relation to the summary, who the hell monologues like that?

 

Look how many reviews this thing has...

 

Lulz at publishing date. Clearly, this is a story writ in hell.

 

Lol. I didn't notice the date.

 

If you think that story has a lot of reviews, check this one out, by the lovely author XXXbloodyrists666XXX. Profile is nice too.

My Immortal » reviews

Well basically a gothic gurl falls in love with Draco but then it turns out that he is in love with Harry, and the girl is in love with Harry too. What will happen? Slash. M 4 sex and swearing and suicidal thoughts. NO preps. Plz r&r Rating changed to M!
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 44 - Words: 22,667 - Reviews: 7118 - Updated: 7-5-07 - Published: 3-3-06

EDIT: I just had to check out her favourite stories:

1. Ghost of You by bloodytearz666 reviews

Hermoine struggles as a gothic outcast after coming back from summer vacation. Can she be saved by true love? HermoineDraco T for sex, cutting and swearing later. HermioneDraco NOT 4 PREPS!
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 783 - Reviews: 171 - Updated: 5-16-06 - Published: 5-16-06​

2. I'm Not Okay » by bloodytearz666 reviews

In this tragic story a gothic girl comes to Hogwarts and falls in love. CDF crossover. I suck at summaries lol, please r&r. NOT for preps. T 4 swearing, sexual content to come later and cutting.
Harry Potter - Fiction Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 5 - Words: 2,455 - Reviews: 321 - Updated: 4-6-06 - Published: 2-16-06​

 

. Black Rose » by 7sins7lies reviews
Harry is abused then becomes an assassin, but his boss turns out to be a wizard and decides to make him a pleasure slave and sell him to Voldemort who chooses Harry's master to be Snape. The problem is, he must seize Harry in two months or Harry will die
Fiction Rated: M - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 10,053 - Reviews: 46 - Updated: 11-12-07 - Published: 5-15-07