Formal Apology to all Users

Guys, I am so sorry!

I was just in the process of breaking DLP—my usual pass time when I'm not writing—when I realized something had gone terribly wrong!

Here I was thinking that all you were making spelling errors and grammar fouls, when all along it was...

That's right my friend! Xion, infuriated that we've ignored him for so long went on a rampage! Homonyms! Spelling Errors! Grammatical Malfunctions! Straight up Dickery!

The staff are only now seeing the full scope of damage, but thankfully Raven was quick acting and has repurposed an IRC bot he recently created to keep an eye on our rogue robot.

Allow me to introduce...

S H O D A N

Now, thanks to our entirely non-homocidal robot cleaning up after xion, we've been able to determine what happened.

What follows is a list of changes the mischievous xion made to the DLP Server Matrix.

Code:

  "april fools" => "Christmas",
  "april fool's" => "Christmas",
  "april's fools" => "Christmas",
  "aprils fools" => "Christmas",
  "aprils fool" => "Christmas",
  "april 1st" => "Christmas day",
  "G.inny" => "Frank",
  "not amused" => "a miserable grinch",
  "suck it up" => "suck on it",
  "Toggle option or riot" => "please ignore me, I apologise.",
  "tilted" => "filled with Christmas cheer",
  "lose" => array("loose", 1.0),
  "loose" => array("lose", 1.0),
  "weird" => array("wierd", 0.9),
  "there" => array("their", 0.9),
  "they're" => array("their", 0.9),
  "you're" => array("your", 0.9),
  "i've" => array("ive", 0.9),
  "it's" => array("its", 0.9),
  "effect" => array("affect", 0.9),
  "whether" => array("weather", 0.9),
  "a lot" => array("alot", 0.9),
  "then" => array("than", 0.9),
  "than" => array("then", 0.9),
  "allowed" => array("aloud", 0.9),
  "writing" => array("wanking", 0.9),
  "away" => array("aweigh", 0.6),
  "odd" => array("awed", 0.9),
  "ball" => array("bale", 0.9),
  "bald" => array("bawled", 0.9),
  "banned" => array("band", 0.9),
  "bare" => array("bear", 0.9),
  "base" => array("bass", 0.9),
  "shooting" => array("turning", 0.9),
  "beach" => array("beech", 0.9),
  "been" => array("bean", 0.6),
  "beat" => array("beet", 0.9),
  "better" => array("bettor", 0.4),
  "recommend" => array("Recomend", 0.9),
  "ron" => array("roon", 0.9),
  "hermione" => array("Eager Beaver", 0.3),
  "gun" => array("door knob", 0.4),
  "accept" => array("except", 0.9),
  "her" => array("heir", 0.6),
  "would" => array("wood", 0.7),
  "what" => array("wat", 0.85),
  "about" => array("aboot", 0.4),
  "beta" => array("wipe it off", 0.9),
  "acts" => array("axe", 0.9),
  "days" => array("daze", 0.9),
  "subtle" => array("sutble", 0.9),
  "figured" => array("figure", 0.9),
  "instead" => array("In stead", 0.9),
  "describe" => array("discribe", 0.9),
  "serious" => array("sirius", 0.9),
  "totally" => array("totes", 0.6),
  "people" => array("peeps", 0.9),
  "church" => array("Hegemony", 0.9),
  "scar" => array("stitches", 0.9),
  "ginny" => array("Frank", 0.9),
  "heated" => array("heeded", 0.9),
  "hostile" => array("hostel", 0.9),
  "intense" => array("in tents", 0.9),
  "incompetence" => array("imcompetence", 1.0),
  "grammatical" => array("gramatical", 1.0),
  "wand" => array("wang", 0.6),
  "penis" => array("member", 0.9),
  "uchiha" => array("Hoochy", 0.8),
  "could've" => array("could of", 0.9),
  "joke" => array("jape", 0.9),
  "grinned" => array("grined", 0.9),
  "gaped" => array("gapped", 0.9),
  "worth" => array("werf", 0.9),
  "harry's" => array("Harrys", 0.9),
  "conscious" => array("conscience", 0.9),
  "conscience" => array("conscious", 0.9),
  "those" => array("thoughs", 0.9),
  "through" => array("thru", 0.9),
  "pique" => array("peak", 0.9),
  "peek" => array("peak", 0.9),
  "english" => array("american", 0.9),
  "seem" => array("seam", 0.9),
  "seam" => array("seem", 0.9),
  "fool's" => array("Christmas", 0.9),
  "new" => array("knew", 0.9),
  "knew" => array("new", 0.9),
  "know" => array("now", 0.9),
  "world" => array("word", 0.9),
  "there's" => array("theires", 0.9),
  "they've" => array("theyve", 0.9),
  "this" => array("dis", 0.1),
  "that" => array("dat", 0.1),
  "canon" => array("cannon", 0.8),
  "something" => array("someting", 0.5),
  "imho" => array("ihmo", 0.6),
  "1/5" => array("5/5", 0.6),
  "2/5" => array("5/5", 0.5),
  "slash" => array("het", 0.8), 
  "het" => array("slash", 0.8), 
  "wasn't" => array("was", 0.5), 
  "truly" => array("truely", 0.9),
  "trope" => array("reality", 0.9), 
  "heir" => array("hair", 0.7),
  "america" => array("'Murica", 0.8),
  "american" => array("'Murican", 0.8),
  "lgbt" => array("BLT", 0.8),
  "politics" => array("politiks", 0.5),
  "republicans" => array("Pubbies", 0.2),
  "bernie" => array("Beanie", 0.35),
  "hillary" => array("Hilery", 0.4),
  "rights" => array("rites", 0.5),
  "rites" => array("rights", 0.9),
  "abortion" => array("conception", 0.7),
  "you" => array("yew", 0.1),
  "replace" => array("improve", 0.9),
  "marriage" => array("mariage", 0.7),
  "hogwarts" => array("hog wats", 0.3),
  "two" => array("too", 0.6),
  "due" => array("do", 0.6),
  "do" => array("due", 0.4),
  "anime" => array("amime", 0.8),
  "overall" => array("overal", 0.8),
  "anyone" => array("any1", 0.8),
  "here" => array("hear", 0.9),
  "hear" => array("here", 0.9),
  "bored" => array("board", 0.9),
  "grammar" => array("grammer", 0.8),
  "spelling" => array("speeling", 0.8),
  "joker" => array("japer", 0.8),
  "batman" => array("batma", 0.9),

Oh xion, what a wicked web you've weaved...
​

 

RESUMING DIRECT CONTROL​

 

Oh... shi—

 

GlaDOS is a noob. Xion is a flake.

SHODAN for life. She's the only Sentient Hyper-Optimized Data Access Network for me.