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WIP Harry amidst the Vaults of Stone by NothingPretentious - T

Discussion in 'The Alternates' started by Sigurd, Apr 14, 2013.

  1. deathinapinkboa

    deathinapinkboa Minister of Magic

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2006
    Messages:
    1,279
    Location:
    Democratic Republic of The Congo
    The world building is a good when Harry is with the Goblins, though CheddarTrek is right about the author making it easy on herself. That seriously detracts from the story.

    The Goblins are present as a basically flawless culture, and I don't like that. If they were so perfect, they'd have taken the wizards by now.

    The reason this isn't a 4/5 is Hogwarts. Harry gets on that train, and the story gets boring.

    The exposition is relentless and does nothing for plot progression--in fact, I suspect that the writer neither knows nor cares where her story is going. That is beyond tedious.

    By the time I was done, I could bring myself to subscribe to update alerts.

    3/5
     
  2. Stormey

    Stormey Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    Messages:
    327
    I tried and tried.
    I just couldn't get into it.

    All that boring goblin stuff made me skip the chapters.
    Dumbledore is written in a way that makes me feel like I`m supposed to be glad that its not an evil manipulative Dumbledore? He is dumbed down way too much.

    I thought it would be better when we get to Hogwarts, so I skipped a bit, and went to later chapters. Unfortunately they were just as boring.

    And all that crap about Wizards being so illogical compared to Goblins was irritating as well.

    2/5 from me.
     
  3. IBG

    IBG Seventh Year

    Joined:
    Nov 11, 2007
    Messages:
    289
    8 chapters in and I am so sick of reading about Harry crafting jewelry and working with metal. Basically 2 chapters worth of actual plot advancement so far, 2/5 for decent grammar etc, but this doesn't belong in the library.
     
  4. Lord Ravenclaw

    Lord Ravenclaw System God Admin

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2005
    Messages:
    4,178
    Location:
    Denver, CO
    I did enjoy this story. It was interesting in the way a documentary on another culture would be.

    That being said, the moment he hit Hogwarts I got bored. There's no plot advancement so far other than a few pureblood overtures. Harry just seems annoyed and bored by everyone in his immediate circles; Hermione is shrieky so I can see why.

    I wanted to like it so much, but I'm just having a really hard time staying engaged. 151,941 words later and Bellatrix + Sirius have more or less been forgotten in lieu of masturbatory sessions on magical theory and goblin magic exposés.

    I'll give it a 4, it did keep me entertained and the writing is pretty decent.
     
  5. Charlesnaismith

    Charlesnaismith First Year

    Joined:
    Feb 12, 2013
    Messages:
    35
    Location:
    Elsewhen
    4/5


    I like this one lots if it continues and gets beyond 2nd year, I would up my rating to 4.5/5
     
  6. mort

    mort Groundskeeper

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2013
    Messages:
    382
    An actually good fiction. At first I was adverse to reading it because of (as people mentioned before) Harry Crow which I really didn't like. However on reading this I realize that yes, it is much, much better.
    The writing style is quite nice actually and has managed to explain the Goblin culture as it has, without being too tedious.
    So far so good~ 4/5
     
  7. Rising galium knight

    Rising galium knight Squib

    Joined:
    Jun 2, 2016
    Messages:
    8
    High Score:
    0
    It's a pretty good story though I was hesitant to read it when I read the summary and it's likeness to Harry Crow. Iss completely different. The Goblin world that the author developer is almost as intricate as the world formed in the story Prince of the dark kingdom. I liked Harry as improvised by the character though I can't say I liked Ron.
     
  8. Sigurd

    Sigurd Fifth Year

    Joined:
    Aug 6, 2010
    Messages:
    142
    Last post: 05-02-2013, 11:08 AM

    We should add necromancy to this story's tags.
     
  9. yak

    yak Moderator Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jul 28, 2007
    Messages:
    3,999
    Location:
    Australia
    There is no necromancy rule in the Library. Reviews are desirable no matter how old the story is.

    Posting in old Library threads is not only okay; it is encouraged.
     
  10. Oz

    Oz Heir to Hogwarts Moderator DLP Supporter

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2008
    Messages:
    8,634
    Location:
    Baile Átha Cliath
    And to add to that, some of you shitheads need to learn the difference between a shitpost and a review.
     
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