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Complete Harry Dursley and The Chronicles of the King by Shadenight123 - M

Discussion in 'Almost Recommended' started by Greener, Feb 20, 2013.

  1. Aerylife

    Aerylife Not Equal

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    If you do fix the beginnings after a while Harry should catch up on magical terms for Death Eaters, the whole Nazi thing got old fast and you would think he would learn the proper terms as a Ravenclaw.
     
  2. DeathShade

    DeathShade Fourth Year

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    Yeah, I thought it was Snape who said the whole "Let the faults of the father fall upon the son."
    But that line is pretty weird coming from an eleven year old.
     
  3. Shadenight123

    Shadenight123 Squib

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    Oh, I was taking it from the Bible quote "The sins of the father shall be visited upon the son a thousand times" since, well...I'm not a religion believer, but at the beginning of the story my idea was also to add the duality of religion/magic.

    In the end though I preferred not to stir that particular beehive and keep away from it, but the main idea was of the Dursley bringing Harry to mass and so on, adding thus the slight background snippet to then explore just what would happen to worldwide religions If magic was real. Walking on water? Hello levitation. Multiplying breads? Hello accio spell.
    And so on. In the end I didn't wish to cause a fuss and thus let it be.

    And for Harry the term 'magical nazi' is the proper term.
    It's like calling the 'Native americans' Indians or using its proper term. Both are used, but the first is the 'proper' one. And well, the proper term for Nazism should be 'National Socialism' but everyone says Nazi because it's easier on the tongue. 'Death Eaters' is easier on the tongue of wizardry kids, because they grow up hearing it.

    For muggleborns, 'Nazi' is far quicker if they don't want to use the 'proper term' which, to once more state an example, Hermione would use, but Harry wouldn't. Hermione is the proper-use right term, Harry is the 'alright, I'm saying it, it's the same stuff let it go now' in the beginning.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2013
  4. DeathShade

    DeathShade Fourth Year

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    @Shadenight
    A problem that seems consistent through ch1-14 is the references to movies/games from 2000 or later (World of Warcraft, Forrest Gump). It would be awesome if you could find references that match the time the story takes place, but you could remove most of them entirely without missing anything.

    Edit:
    And I think the biggest problem I have with the "Magical Nazi" thing is that it sounds stupid :p

    Also the Ravenclaws seem a little over the top. :)
     
    Last edited: Feb 20, 2013
  5. Evon

    Evon Seventh Year

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    When I think of Magical Nazi, I think of Grindelwald, not Voldemort, due to the era.
     
  6. Aerylife

    Aerylife Not Equal

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    I am not saying magical nazi isn't an apt description, I'm saying you would think a Ravenclaw that prizes knowledge would want to learn the correct term.
     
  7. Shadenight123

    Shadenight123 Squib

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    Well, then I don't understand: he does find out they're called Death Eaters. He just calls them Magical Nazi. (There is a point where I'm pretty sure he speaks of it...unless I dreamed of it)

    And I admit of making the Ravenclaws a bit quirky. I reserve author's rights on keeping them that way >.>
    I'll try and come with a list of references for games/films that come before 1991, hoping to find all the anachronisms on the text eventually.

    Concerning the era for 'magical nazi'...well, didn't Rowling herself state that Voldemort was aptly taken from Hitler? Even the pureblood stuff comes from there, and yet Voldemort doesn't actually even bring forth a 'political pamphlet' on why people should follow him. It's just a 'pure blood good, rest horrible'.

    Even Hitler at the very least used words and dialogues to convey just why the Jews had to be taken out of Germany. (As stated in the second book 'Every movement needs a bit of truth to move')
    Lacking that, it just made kind of sense that Voldemort 'expanded' on Grindelwald's Nazists.
     
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2013
  8. Klackerz

    Klackerz Bridgeburner

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    Shadenight123, can you press enter twice after each paragraph. It makes it easier to read rather than the block of text it is now.

    I've been reading this yesterday and reached the start of book 3 now. I got to say I love this. I'll review it later after I finish it.
     
  9. Shadenight123

    Shadenight123 Squib

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    I'll edit the previous messages then. Glad you like it!
     
  10. Rahkesh Asmodaeus

    Rahkesh Asmodaeus THUNDAH Bawd Admin DLP Supporter

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    I am incredibly confused. Is Lily Harry's mother or Lillian's mother? Is she alive or dead? She was in the infirmary early on wasn't she? Was she Snape's friend? Was Harry's original name Potter? Wouldn't that mean his father is James? WHAT IS GOING ON.
     
  11. Shadenight123

    Shadenight123 Squib

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    Read if you want to know now, sree (Spoiler alert)
    I am incredibly confused. Is Lily Harry's mother or Lillian's mother? Both. Is she alive or dead? Alive
    She was in the infirmary early on wasn't she? Yes
    Was she Snape's friend? She is.
    Was Harry's original name Potter? Yep
    Wouldn't that mean his father is James? Yes
    WHAT IS GOING ON.= Mystery!
     
  12. Darth Disaster

    Darth Disaster The Waking Sith ~ Prestige ~ DLP Supporter

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    ^^ One of the best responses from an author I've seen in awhile.

    Welcome to DLP.
     
  13. Rache

    Rache Headmaster

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    Good to see that Harry doesn't become the 'richest' just through inheritance.

    Oh and Welcome to DLP. :D
     
  14. Shadenight123

    Shadenight123 Squib

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    Thanks for the welcome.
    That said, I'm usually the one against the 'All-mighty' Harry trope. Sure, a character can become strong-> stronger-> strongest, but it needs time and must be put in relation with the world around him.

    To say, if I logically include Battle Magic in the canon universe, then by that same logic Voldemort-Salazar-Dumbledore and so on should know about it too, just like Alastor Moody and the likes (Not all the aurors, of course)
    I'm far more logically deducing where the story is going chapter by chapter, and that's why I don't plan ahead at all. If I do that, I usually bore myself and don't write at all.

    Same thing with the money issue. Sure, it's 'a lot of money' but it's not actually precisely that, because there are objects in the vault, and 'liquidity' isn't even something important in any fiction I have ever read. Really, Harry has nine 'gazillion' gold coins...he buys school stuff. It's not...important, per se, to have money in the HP universe.

    And by logic, considering England is 'small' compared to other countries, and considering 'not all wizards are dunce' then some must invest in muggle economy, and if we follow that logical line of thought, then we come to understand that many wizards who do so may actually get an incredible amount of success (Felix Felicis [Which should remind the people of where the Snape's brewed potion went, since nobody has seen it again]) with potions, or Imperius, or Memory Charms (the latter of which is not an unforgivable)

    And that leads Harry to being ninety-seventh, which is still high enough, but it's not all in liquidity. There is probably a society of wizards who controls the petrol economy, and the 'illuminati' trope probably applies to them too.

    That's to say...long live the Logic.
     
  15. Mutton

    Mutton Order Member

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    I'm enjoying this, but I really look forward to reading it post betaing; the quality goes up and down faster than the prom queen on her coronation night. I'm only about halfway through the second book but so far a lot of the character motives are somewhat stretched and the whole blackout sections aren't handled that well. That said, it's still quite interesting and I'm working my way through
     
  16. Castiel

    Castiel Headmaster

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    Just finished chapter 74.

    First of all, I probably wouldn't have read any fic with Harry Dursley in the title unless it would have been recc'ed on DLP.

    So, Greener, thank you for the post or I would have missed out on all the awesomeness.

    I admit that some sentences in the starting chapters (and a little in the following ones too) feel weird but if you don't focus on it too much it doesn't really matter.

    5/5.

    If you haven't yet decided to try it, do so, you won't be disappointed.
     
  17. Krieger

    Krieger Minister of Magic DLP Supporter

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    Just repeating what everyone else is saying. Get past the first ten chapters or so (whch isnt hard, decently writen, just bland) and this book really picks up. Well worth the read.

    Also repeating, the term magical nazis get old real fast, plus the pointless muggle references, and the term second world wide war. It might of been ok if only Harry called it such, but everyone calling it the second world wide war? I think the authors translation into English might be the cause here, but its world war two, and thats what everyone calls it.

    EDIT: Off to work now, only got up to chapter twenty something, which is enough for a strong 4/5. If the story gets more awesome it has easy 5/5 potential.
     
    Last edited: Feb 24, 2013
  18. bob99

    bob99 High Inquisitor

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    I was pleasantly surprised. There are a few problems with the story as other people have mentioned. The beginning is decent but uninspiring. And I don't think the references to computer games and technology are necessary. But the story is actually amazing. The story is tightly plotted and unique. The update rate is also very good. There is nearly 400k words written in three months.

    A definite 5/5
     
  19. Doctor Whooves

    Doctor Whooves High Inquisitor

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    I've read further on - it just keeps getting better and better. I don't think I've ever read a fairer representation of magical Europe as a whole, and Durmstrang was fantastic. Even after you

    fired bloody torpedoes at it.

    But the plotting is excellent. I keep expecting the story to implode on itself, but it goes from strength to strength. The characters make sense, and your update rate is wonderful. I honestly don't think I could ask for more. If this isn't deserving of 5/5, I don't know what is.
     
  20. Rache

    Rache Headmaster

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    The King is back to Hogwarts. 4/5 for the three books. Eager to see how the next one turns out. This story deserves a 5/5. The only thing that is stopping me is that we haven't yet seen a full scale battle between two magical titans, let it be Grindelwald vs Dumbledore, Voldemort vs Slytherin or Voldemort vs Grindelwald. A full fledged duel between two power houses. Hope one happens in the fourth book.

    I, however am baffled why this story isn't moved to the library yet. :sherlock:
     
    Last edited: Feb 25, 2013
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